*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tdkey777
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
25 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Trever Kelley
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I liked this story very much and can obviously tell this is part of something much bigger. The writing technique you are using (if this is the first chapter) is something i am familiar with and enjoy reading. Meaning that you give the reader no incite to the story and instead reveal small snippets of info over the coarse of the action. It quite literally throws the reader into the tale.

However it does have it's flaws. I noticed in some of the paragraphs it seemed you may have had some trouble to get some kind of flow going in your writing since it seemed to be repetitive. For example:
Terico was dressed in what looked like rags, hanging loosely over his body; all over. He looked like a desert scavenger if there ever was one, except his forge tan was more of a Technologic Hunac rather than an Ekidian desert rat. His face was masked in shadow from his cowl, his eyes flickering across the dunes that he walked across. His only weapon was an etched sword, wearing fine rubies. A beetle climbed across his arm, seeming to pace up and down as he looked out upon the desert plains.

Each sentence is suffering to the protaganist and starts with he or his except the first. Try to combine these into one sentence to broaden it a bit and maybe use some variation in your wording. Other than that though congratulations on your writing especially if your just starting off. look forward to reading your other works.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tdkey777