I'm at writing.com for just a few weeks and I congratulate you being so productive because of this truly fine contest system. I was like this a few years ago, nothing much to do, because of total lack of motivation.
Then I realized I should have to get some pictures into the book I'm writing, and then I realized something else, I might get these pictures for free out of somebody if I motivate him/her every week.
Then I found out I have some reason to write continuously if I'll do it like this.. so maybe working with other people is pushing us forwards even if there isn't much to hold on to at the beginning
Hey, it is very good. At the beginning you smoothly describe main abilities of the character and then let him pass through that mess. It could be easily considered as a metaphore, so I kind of enjoyed the reading!
It reminds me some movies I saw, the guy that was dropped out of the airplane and had to walk hundred miles out of the North pole or something, starving, cold... or about group of people trying to get out of the dead forest, where is nothing to eat, so they had to eat each other one by one until just one survived.
Your input is more motivational, is not about surviving, but some kind of focus and skill. However after second half all the issues remains similar again and again. Its well written, but after a while I had realized that I have no idea about what's going on there.
Really you should have to ask yourself over and over again:
Why he's doing it?
Why is this happening?
What does it mean?
And explain your plot further. If I don't see some attached issues and explanations, I don't get it.
You're an excellent writer, I just passed through this easily and smoothly, because its really focused kind of writing. No unnecessary words or too much of emotional crap, every word is there just because it needs to be there, simple as that.
However the main character is so focused on his stuff and things that surrounds him, that there is barely anything else in his life. Sure, the girl called Beth jumps in few times, but ignoring her this way and focusing on the surroundings again and again makes the story so weird.
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