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Review by Theo21
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mike, I haven't logged into my account for ages (no excuse obviously, but I was so busy at the end of last year, I just had no time!), so I only just picked up your message. Hopefully you won't think I was ignoring you in any way. I see what you are trying to do with this story, and I think technically it works if the reader hadn't read the original story.

What I liked so much about it before was that it really came out of nowhere, you had no setup to it at all, and it had real kick. This is obviously just my opinion (of course!) but I definitely preferred the concept of the story without the introduction, interesting though it undoubtedly is - I've read quite a few things regarding the Mayan predictions, and it is an interesting conception as to why the 'lottery funeral' has been introduced. However, I really think it was perfect before - it's almost a Poe-esque tale, made more so because there was no real explanation before as to why it was happening, which in my opinion is always infiinitely scarier.

I want to impress on you that this version is very good, it's just that I think you can't improve on perfection, and it was really nigh on perfect before. To illustrate how much - I must have read this earlyish last year, and just the other week I was musing on the story and remembering it - that's how much of an effect it had. A film version would be amazing, and I wish you all the best for going forward with that.

Hope this has helped!
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