You imagination is quite evident in this piece, but the point of the prologue is to capture interest. I wasn't always sure what you wanted to convey here, partly because this is the prologue, and partly because the way you described things has garbled the overall message of the text. Although I haven't yet read the rest of the chapters you've provided, it seems like your style is inconsistent with the plot. I urge you to rephrase some awkward sentences, such as "After the water started to fall away from the creature, you could see how spectacular it really was". Instead of ending this sentence with a verb, another solution would be to end it with another descrpition of how epic the Protector, who is obviously an important story element, actually turns out to be; for instance, you could provide an explanation of what the dragon looks like besides simply its color. I think you have a good start, but you should really look into way to make your text flow better. Once you do that, I think this story will be quite excellent.
Keep me posted on your progess. Best wishes, Theo Holly.
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