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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thumbelina
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11 Public Reviews Given
204 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am an honest reviewer and believe strongly in positive reinforcement, that is building up a writer with positive words. With any suggestions, I am always constructive. No matter what, I will always tell you something that I liked and then if applicable, what I think could be done to make it even better!
I'm good at...
I'm especially talented with spelling, grammar, punctuation and rhythm.
Favorite Genres
Poetry
Least Favorite Genres
Long stories
I will not review...
I'm pretty much open to anything though I may decline reviewing extremely long items merely due to time constraints.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed your story! It was definitely unpredictable and kept me interested. Great imagery- though I do wish I had more descriptors of the speaker of the story. There were several typos and grammatical errors. I edited the story and will paste it here for you. Of course, it's your story, so use what you want! :) I also spaced the paragraphs apart as it makes it more pleasing to the eye here on the website. Just a personal preference. Thanks for the great read. Looking forward to reading more from you.

The feasts of Tuam
by Kristoff N. Chester

After a long and trying year of college, I was very much ready to enjoy a few weeks of traveling Europe and exposing myself to many cultures and places. My first spot was the island of Ireland. Being able to wander the rural Irish roads seemed like heaven compared to the confines of my dorm, huddled over books, trying to be ready for some test.

My trip to the island was thankfully uneventful and quick. Once I was by myself and on the road I felt much better, even with a light fog hanging in the air, I felt a sort of peacefulness. I walked endlessly until I came to a sign by the road which had the word “Tuam” on it. I assumed this was just some town and followed down the small dirt path that the sign pointed to. I didn't expect much company on my travels but I did notice a odd lack of... well ,anything really. No birds, dogs, or small creatures in the grass. The sun was starting to go down, casting long shadows as trees started dotting the surroundings.

The sun was gone before I could see the faint glow of lights. The moon was not in the sky either, making everything dangerously dark, but I marched forward to the lights and tried not to think about any wild life that could be watching me. The town itself was rather humble, and old looking. The buildings where mostly only one story save for one which appeared to be a sort of city hall. Most of the buildings lights were out except one or two small shops.

I saw no one in the street nor in the windows of the few lit buildings until I came to one at the end of a side road. The road went right to it like the dead end of an alleyway. It had a sign over its doorway that read “food.” I was slightly amused by the bluntness of it: a plain wooden sign with the words written in red paint. I could hear people inside and decided that it was my best chance to find a place to sleep for the night.

Inside, it was haze from the smoke of cigars with only candles to light up the inside. It stank of tobacco and ales but it was far from overpowering, if bitter. Everyone stopped speaking and looked at me as I nervously walked in and sat in a chair at a unoccupied table. A short ,fat man shuffled to me and spoke in a gruff voice with a strong accent.
“aye there yank. What'ens you doin out in dis parts. I supposes you been tourist type... Ahh don't you be a worried none. I'll get ya a plate o' the town special.” he said, though it was hard to completely make out every word with his accent.

He didn't even wait for me to reply before turning around and stomping off to a back room. I awkwardly waited while slowly the other people in the room stopped looking at me and returned to their own meals and conversations. When the man returned, he placed a plate of odd smelling food before me and sat in a chair next to me. It was a slice of meat with a dark red almost brown sauce. The man sighed and looked at me.

“Aye it be a taste most need to get use to. Times were tough for ol' Tuam back when. The great famine never really left these parts, I tells ya.” the man seemed rather sad. I decided to eat the food as to not offend him while he spoke. He told me about the famine that crippled the area in the 1840s and 50s. This was of course long before his time, still he seemed heart broken thinking of the dark history.

After the first bite, I felt myself gag, the sauce was metallic tasting and the meat was bland with an odd hint of salt. I heard some people in the room chuckle to themselves while the man offered me a glass.

“Don't worry laddy, we've plenty o' food and drink nows and a flop you can use for the nights you're 'ere.” I have to admit, his food was horrid but at the least he seemed to be very kind. After forcing myself to eat the rest of the food I asked about a bed and the old man nodded and led me upstairs to a small room with a bed, a small dresser and an oil lamp. “Not as tidy as a coffin but more pleasant.” he said with a laugh and then he left, closing the door behind me. My travel had made me very tired and so I let myself fall onto the bed and drifted to sleep.

My slumber was not pleasant in the slightest. I saw roads lined with emaciated corpses with green stained jaws and frail thin creatures that looked like they may have once been humans huddled together, chewing on one another, struggling and clawing. I could see other things dressed in blood red robes and hoods, watching as if judging. When I awoke, it was with chills going all through my body. I had no idea of the time when I woke up, only knowing I couldn't go back to sleep. I looked outside my room and found the dining room empty and dark. Carefully, I made my way through the room and tried to find my way outside.
I hurried through the first door I could find in the darkness and staggered into a room that stank so strongly I had to cover my mouth and strained to breath. Something was wrong about the room, more so then just the foul smell. I could hear a dripping sound and it was oddly cold. I stumbled out of the chamber and back to my bedroom, quickly retrieving my flashlight from my pack.

Now, with light to see, I made my way back to the odd room and boldly entered. The rotten smell greeted me again but I was more ready now. I shined my light about the room and froze when I saw an altar, it seemed to be made of bones. Though, I couldn't clearly tell what sort of bones. There was redness all over and hunks of meat upon the bone altar while something dripped blood from the ceiling.

I pointed my light upward and instantly regretted it. Suspended above the altar was a young woman, or rather, what was left. The body had been heavily mutilated. Held up by hooks with a long gash across her throat and going down her chest. Her limbs were gone and from what I could tell her organs had also been harvested, even her eyes were gone. I couldn't stop myself from vomiting at that point.

I wanted to run but I paused, something told me I couldn't leave her there like this. I had to at least bring her body to a proper police force. I dumped everything from my pack and carefully placed the body inside. With that I ran from the town as quickly as I could. As I ran, I swear my ears played tricks on me for I could hear off in the distance a faint cackle.

Running through the night was draining and soon I found myself out of breath, not only from the rotting smell coming from my pack but also from sheer exhaustion. Still, I tried to hurry along until my weakness overcame me and I crumbled to the ground. I slept again and once more I saw the famine wrecked land where the ghoulish people chewed on each other but now among them was a massive titan. Clad in spikes and chains with the head like some sort of canine, the beast stomped across the land. Leaving corpses in its wake for the ghouls to pounce upon.

I woke up with a start on the road, my pack was empty with a trail of smeared blood leading off toward the village. Had they found me and reclaimed the body? Why then did they leave me? Surely they would not be content with my discovery and taking the poor girl. I pulled myself up to my feet and started walking back to the town. Looking back I am unsure why I just... started walking.

The trail of blood faded off close to the town. As I stood on its street looking at the buildings, I wondered which way did they go. Partly because I wanted to recover the body and partly because I didn't want to be ambushed by them. Maybe that is why I came back. Some primal anger at having the body taken or fear of them coming for me when I was unready.

I made my way to the place I had first discovered the girl and the altar, it seemed likely they would want to return her to that place. I kicked in the door and was shocked to see no one inside the dining room. My muscles were tense as I made my way to the back room. Ready for a fight, I threw the door open and gasped in shock.

It was her... the young woman's body that had been so butchered the day before. But now she was fine, completely whole. She was kneeling before the altar with her head bowed and hands clasped. I took a step closer and she became aware of my presence. She turned around and gasped before reaching for a cleaver and holding it in front of her.

“S-stay away!.” she whimpered. I couldn't speak, I was so confused. Suddenly, a heavy hand fell on my back and knocked me forward. I turned and saw the man from the night before.

“Aye boy. No need ta' be ackin' all rash now. Hear meh' out.” The man reached out his hand and led me back to the dining room. He sat in a chair and sighed deeply. He told me of the famine and how the town had almost been completely destroyed, the people turned to cannibalism to live. Ironically this was their saving grace. For their madness drew the attention of... something, a creature... a demon? He called it a goddess. They called it Iya. Some barbaric pagan god from before the age of Christ. The town's folk made a deal with it, or her as the man insisted: an endless supply of human flesh for endless devotion.

“That girl that you kidnapped be hundred o' years old. Been here sense the famine. Each day we carve her up and at dawn she's right o' rain. Don't feel so bad fer' the lass... pardon my vulgarity but... it's meh way of tinking that she likes it.” the man's explanation was insane, but that seemed to be a trend in this place. The man said he wouldn't try to stop me from leaving, but I was welcome here if I should choose to stay. I sat there silent for a long time, until the girl, covered in blood with chunks of her flesh missing, hobbled in and put a plate of meat in front of the man and I. She smiled at me before going back to the back room. Slowly, I reached for a fork...
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Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: E | (5.0)
First off, I love the introduction of the story and I love the tense that you chose to write in. It is intriguing to be told a story as if I am a relative of the family. Your writing kept me interested all the way until the end.

Here are a few things grammatically that I noticed:
**In your main description the P in Patricide should be lower cased
**In this section: "Our house was the only inhabited one on our road. Half shaded by large oak trees with wild limbs that laid themselves onto the cracked and neglected angled roof, it appeared from any passersby that nobody could live in a home so overtaken by nature." I would use a comma instead of a period after 'road'. Then put a period instead of a comma after 'roof.' I think it breaks up the 2 sentences more grammatically.
***In the 10th paragraph "Fathers untimely death" should be "Father's"
***In the 12th paragraph 'handy men' should be one word.
*** In the 2nd to last paragraph "pinnicle" should be "pinnacle"

All in all, a wonderful read! Your imagery was powerful. I could envision each character and each scene as you described it. Can't wait to read more!

Lady Andrea

P.S.
Sorry it took so long to get my review to you! :)








All in all it was a great read and I'm looking forward to reading more!
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3
Review of ~Daddy Dont~  
Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
An absolutely heartbreaking poem. You weave the words of a child's pain so eloquently. Great rhyme and rhythm throughout. One suggestion, in the 3rd stanza, first line, I think you might have put "many" an extra time. Thank you so much for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Looking Back  
Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very interesting poem! I absolutely loved the repetition, it flowed very nicely. I didn't quite understand the ending of the poem and it left me a bit bewildered. What is the speaker happy that they did or not do? Otherwise, a great read! Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of I've Been Good!  
Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Very cute and fun poem! It made me laugh.The imagery and descriptions were very good. I was able to envision all the bad deeds that the child had done as I was reading. I only wished that it was a bit longer, perhaps a couple of more stanzas. Overall, good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Sky Watching  
Review by Lady Andrea
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very nice piece! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It gave me a peaceful feeling of laying out and watching the sky. Great imagery and I especially enjoyed how you broke up the lines of the poem. It read very well out loud. My only change would be in the second stanza line 2; I believe you meant "they" not "the."
Looking forward to reading more!
Lady Andrea


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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