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Review of Untitled  
Review by Tizali
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good, a couple of pointers, mainly punctuation after some of the lines. The whole first stanza is just one line, so I might try adding a few commas or caesura for effect, like after "seeing you today". You could also add another line break before each time you mention the phrase "the last time", then you get anaphora, which really emphasizes the effect. End-stops are also really good for emphasis e.g you could change the first stanza to read:

Seeing you today, walking down the hall
I couldn't help but think, about
the last time I held your hand, Or
the last time I felt your lips against mine.
I tried to smile.
But instead felt the heat of tears trying to run down my face.

I think the words there are fine, you just might want to think about how to lay them out for maximum effect.
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