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Review by Toad
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great start! If you haven't already done so, I suggest continuing on. I already feel drawn in and want to know what happens next. I like that the words you use perfectly convey the gravity of the situation while still maintaining a glimmer of humor. (The bit about the usefulness of nipples on a breastplate I found particularly amusing.)

There's only one tiny grammatical problem I noticed in a couple places, dealing with the use of lie/lay/lain and lay/laid/laid. Should be "She was as pale as the satin sheets she LAY on, with sweat matted hair askew in every direction. She LAY sleeping..." and further down, "She LAY there, still."

"Lay" is the past tense of the intransitive verb "lie"... as in "I lay down to sleep."
"Laid" is the past tense of the transitive verb "lay" so it needs a direct object... as in "I laid my hands on the table" or "she laid her head down on the pillow"

Like I said, only a tiny problem. Other than that, great work. Keep it up.
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