the piece didn't originally grab me, which is unfortunate because this premise has the chance to be a fantastic piece of work. i think that this piece could be improved through "showing, not telling" when the character is initially describing his memories of the beach. also, the first transition from the beach memory to the present ("I think to myself, "I can't be working today!"", etc.) is very abrupt, but doesn't evoke any emotion. the conflict itself can be heightened (and therefore leading to more tension, hooking the reader) by escalating the longing for the beach, really having the character (and consequently, the reader) experience those memories through the five senses, etc.
i think this piece has great promise, but isn't quite there yet. congratulations on creating a wonderful piece of work.
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