Hello! I'm Unako and I enjoyed your article. I hope you find this review of your work helpful.
Introduction: The introduction was short and to the point. It introduced your article in a clear and entertaining manner.
Body Paragraphs: I thought that all of the body paragraphs were informative and interesting.
Conclusion: The conclusion was short and summed up everything that the article went over in a few sentences. I think you did a good job on this part.
Headings: In my opinion, I htink that your article would benefit from adding headings. Perhaps you could put each paragraphs subject as the heading. For example, The venue, and The wedding dress.
Images and Appendices: This article had no images or appendices.
Size: The length of the article seems to be a little long. Although all of the paragraphs contain useful information, you may want to try and merge the paragraphs so that each point has just one. Also to save space you might want to think about listing additional resources (websites, books, etc.) where readers can find the same information.
Thank you for sharing your work. I really got alot of good ideas from it and I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
Hello! I'm Unako and I enjoyed your article. I hope you find this review of your work helpful.
Introduction: I liked the introduction because it not only introduced your topic, but it did it in an interesting manner.
Headings: The headings are well-placed and will help readers to easily find information.
Images and Appendices: This article had no images or appendices.
Size: I think that the length of the article was just right. It was long enough to be informative, but not so long that I lost interest. Also it gave me information as to who I can contact if I wanted to look further into hiking in Georgia's parks.
Thank you for sharing your work. I look forward to reading more of your pieces. Congratulations on getting this published.
Hello! I'm Unako and I enjoyed your short story. I hope you find this review of your work helpful.
Overall Impression: This was a really cute story that I could see in my head as I read your words.
The Opening: The opening was very well done and I coould clearly understand the feelings of all the characters.
The Plot and Conflict: I thought that how the plot/conflict was resolved was very inventive.
Setting: You could add a bit more description if you wanted to make it longer, but don't really need to. Kelli was the best described of all the characters. I like how you mentioned how she looks a little at a time.
Characters and Dialogue: the characters were all very believeable and realistic.
Point-Of-View: I think telling this story from the narrators POV was alright since you didn't really have to go into detail with what any one character thought.
Style: I feel that your word choice matches the simplicity of the story. There is nothing to distract from the action of the story.
Punctuation and Grammar: The only thing that I could find that you may want to change is in the last paragraph:
Kelli considered that offer for so long that Mom began to worry.
You may want to change it to: that her Mom
Thank you for sharing your work. I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
Hello! I'm Unako and I enjoyed your short story. I hope you find this review of your work helpful.
Overall Impression: This was a nice recollection of a regular routine done with a grandparent. This story pacts a powerful lesson in a really short story.
The Opening: I think the beginning did a good job of setting up the rest of the story. I understood clearly that the main character was recalling a memory and that at the end there would be a lesson that the grandfather taught the child.
The Plot and Conflict: The plot/conflict was well told and well paced. I have no suggestions for how you can make this better.
Setting: I thought that the setting did not need to be any better described, since the acton between the child and grandparent is supposed to take center stage. My suggestions, if you did want to add more to this, would be to describe the furniture and room you were in when you watched the fights with your grandfather.
Characters and Dialogue: The characters were memorable and explained well in a young child's words. Be careful in the last paragraph that the words you choose reflect that the main character is older and looking back.
Point-Of-View: I think the story was well told from the child's POV.
Style: The word choice was well thought out to suit the vocabulary and thinking process of a young child.
Punctuation and Grammar: I could find no punctuation or grammer mistakes.
Thank you for sharing your work. I look forward to reading more of your collection.
Some of the tricks O like to do when I have writers block are:
1. Find ordinary objects and make them magical (ex. a coffee cup that turns you invisible when you drink out of it)
2. Take a plot off of a tv show and come up with a new twist. With a court show like Judge Judy you can take one of the cases and write a story that fits the testamony.
3. Write about what you know (kids, career, etc.)
4. Take a video game and if it has a precreated story line (RPG) write it out, if it doesn't (racing games, pacman, etc.) create one.
The idea that helps me is that when I have writers block I'm not trying to write a good story, I'm just trying to jump start my imagination. If I happen to write a story that I like, yay for me. If I don't, then I have no problem abandoning it when I think of something more original and creative to write about.
Hello! I'm Unako and I enjoyed your short story. I hope you find this review of your work helpful.
Overall Impression: The story was good. I liked how unlike most abduction stories this one seemed to have a moral.
The Opening: For me the opening was the best part of the story. It set up the plot really well, and the descriptions of both the park and the room were extremely well done.
The Plot and Conflict: Everything went quite smoothly and the plot and conflict made sense. It was well set up and realistic for a fiction piece. The only thing that bothered me about the plot/conflict was the fact that several points were never touched upon. You may want to think about answering questions that the reader may have such as: Why are the aliens there? and What are they trying to learn exactly? Also, the ending seemed kind of abrupt, with the aliens just dumping the main character back at the park after reading him a long list of statistics. It was interesting to see that,at the end, the main character doesn't really think about the aliens, just what they told him.
Setting: The settings were really well described. I thought the second paragraph describing the park was especially well done.
Characters and Dialogue: The characters were true to their personalities. The only thing I could think of that seemed a little off was that I would imagine the main character to be a bit more confused or disoriented if they had just been abducted.
Point-Of-View: I believe telling the story from the main characters POV worked in this case, and I could find no problems with inconsistency.
Style:
Punctuation and Grammar: There were only a couple problems with puntuation that I could see.
“You mean: abducted!” I snapped. = the colon is unnecessary.
Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed the effort you made to write it. I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
Hello! My name is Unako and I look forward to reviewing your story for you.
Overall Impression: My overall impression of the story was that it was very original and interesting. I don't think much more can be done to it to make it better. I really enjoyed it alot.
The Opening: The opening immediately puts the reader into the story, and keeps the reader's attention with it's fast pace. The problem facing the main character is apparent, although most of the details are kept as a surprise ending.
Plot & Conflict: The Plot centers around the main character and his associates trying to survive being constantly attacked by the 'Mistmakers.' I like the idea that the conflict is told from the bugs point of view rather than the humans.
Setting: The setting was believeable and descriptive within the bounds of the story. The one point I had trouble with was when the main character was speaking with Denk. I was not sure whether it was a flashback or was currently happening.
Characters & Dialogue: The dialogue of the characters is fitting. It's not obvious that there is a twist in the plot until the end, which keeps up the suspense.
I really enjoyed your short story and hope that this review was helpful to you. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hello! My name is Unako and I really enjoyed your story. I hope my review will be helpful to you.
Overall Impression: I think this story was original and highly imaginative. It used a different take on a common theme to entertain the reader.
The Opening: I think that the opening for this story was a little abrupt, but still did a great job a capturing the reader's attention. The eBay page immediately sets the reader up with all the information he needs to know.
The Conflict: The conflict over an unknown man's soul has always been a common theme, but I enjoyed the new variation that you did. The conflict was obvious and revealed almost at once, which is why it grabbed my attention. Not alot of background information was needed to make this story work. The conflict did not go on very long, so it didn't become predictable and boring.
Plot: The plot was very clear, that good and evil were battling over someone's soul. The places and time were also easy to determine, although this was not because of the descriptive elements in the story, but rather because the characters (angels/God, Devil, and human) are so well known.
Setting: As I stated before, in this particular short story not much description was needed to set the tone. If you wanted to make this a longer piece, you could add more detail to the descriptions of heaven and hell, although I would recommend that you keep the elements original. Don't just have the devil sitting on a throne of bones surrounded by flames. I like how you managed to keep the tension in the story by having all of the bidding being done in one day.
I think that this story could be expanded if you wanted by adding more detail and dialogue. I believe you had a word limit fo rthe contest. Please let me know if you decide to update this piece. I hope this review was helpful to you.
I lost my mother when I was in the eigth grade, and I have to say that your poem captures my feelings from back then almost perfectly. The sense that although alot of people are around you, you're by yourself in some kind of void where nothing touches you. When someone dies it never seems quite real. Thank you for sharing your work.
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