Great piece of work! I love how you wrote this from a 1st person point of view, as if the character was the one living, then put in a perfect twist at the end. Great descriptive writing as well, I could almost smell the hyacinth as I read this to the end. I can't think of any way to improve this piece. Thank you for a great read.
What a wonderful message in this poem. Far too many people live in the past and as a result, live with a lot of regret. It must be hard on that person's neck, always craning to look behind... Life is far too short to waste reliving the same thing over and over. Wondering "what if?"is truly a waste of the imagination.
I don't have any real criticism at all for this one. Perhaps you could "jazz" it up a bit by changing the font and maybe centering to the page?
Thank you for a great read.
Well written sci-fi adventure. Can easily identify with each character on some level. Good narrative with the main character. Showing how he communicates with his mother through thoughts reminds the reader that Daniel is not human.
I found the phrase "human kernel" to be a bit repetitve, however beyond that I don't have any other criticism. It appears as though its been a while since you have worked on this piece.... I do hope that you will complete it :) Thanks for a good read
Very well written piece... with a great warning message to be heeded. With all this technology coming at us at the speed that its coming, we are bound to hit a disasterous wall.
This piece was written with great flow from one chapter to the next. Always with enough information to keep the reader intrigued.
Technically very few spelling and punctuation errors, which is great to see :)
Overall really enjoyed reading this short story.
Thanks!
Lovely poem about the joys of being a pet owner :) I've lost many shoes to our precious one too! The rhyme scheme chosen works well with this one. I did find a couple of the lines a bit awkward, almost like they were missing a word that would add to the flow. "Through each, every room" - Might flow a little better as: "Through each and every room"
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