Very colorful and information in a fun and exciting way! I think I should have made this my first stop when coming here! Thanks for making this fun. No matter how I'm maneuvering around, I'm eventually getting to the point I need to be and having a great time getting there.
I dearly love this poem. I have suspected all along that faeries exist and they, indeed, come out to play after the rain! I can clearly envision the dancing flowers and shimmering grasses. It's difficult to describe such images from nature and you've done it beautifully.
I've been through these tests and the agony of waiting for the results are mind-numbing. With your diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, you can educated yourself and move forward. Godspeed!
As to your written piece, it was very well written and informative. I felt your frustration of losing control of your own once strong and capable body, then having to go through the medical "visits" and tests done.
I hope you keep writing your thoughts down. Journaling and writing are one of the best ways to deal with these emotions. Nicely done!
My favorite type of poem is this rhythmic one, although most of mine tend to be freestyle. Beautifully written and very descriptive, it draws me in and reminds me of so many summer nights sitting next to my own loved one.
There's nothing more beautiful than an evening sunset. Your poem says it all. Nice work!
I know exactly how you feel and how brave for you to voice it! Keep writing about it. I keep journals that have pages and pages that say almost this very thing. The important thing is not that you keep repeating the same things over and over again, but that you have a venue for you feelings.
I feel your pain and emotion in this piece. It is written well and I hope you continue to write.
I loved this story, finding it humorous and endearing. I came from a rather large family, too, and can identify with having to clamor for attention. Giving the gift of the cherry shake and having it almost ruined by the presence of the chewed up gum was just the sort of thing that might have happened to me, too!
I found no issues whatsoever. Loved it! I never give 5 stars, only because we can always use improvement and nothing is perfect.
A story straight from my nightmares. Very well-written. You could feel the fear that the main character felt. I wanted her to escape and was horrified when her captor caught up with her.
I was ready to gird my loins with the strength of many of my sisters when...there it was. The last line. A visit to the loo. Hilarity ensued! But oh, so true! Truthfully? I almost spit my drink all over my monitor! I love this poem!
Do you have more for me to read? I'd love to read it. Your word choices are impeccable and leads the reader to a place they don't expect, which I love.
We are so blessed to live in a country, although failing in so many ways, that offers so much. Having been raised here, I take many things for granted. I don't know the heartache and pain of lying naked and starving in a street full of starving children and can only relate by looking at a story in a magazine. How sad that is.
Your story is well-written and very touching. I am looking out my door as I write this and thanking God for my many blessings. Thank you for reminding me.
I certainly wasn't expecting that ending. In this story, you see Jamie having everything a man could want - riches, a beautiful home on the beach, a promotion in his career. He appears to be a contented man, if not happy in his own way. Getting together with his brother and family seemed like a happy reunion. But life is like this at times.
I found your writing style impeccable, although, mind you, I'm no expert, just a voracious reader who loves to pick apart other people's writing. lol It flowed beautifully and the characters were fleshed out nicely.
Ah, the reality of a mirror and the horrors or aging. The two should never meet. We should all go through life with the idea that we are all 25 and we all look like the air-brushed models that don't exist.
But this is not so, my friend. Real people are lined with the beauty of life. I like your take on it. Humor of one's lot in life is how we get through it.
I love poetry that doesn't always rhyme or line up "correctly" in a pattern. It's raw and it's real. Keep writing and I'll keep looking for your work. Good job.
Priceless! And all along I was expecting a little romance! You had me there in the moonlight and a romantic evening. The only issue I had was with this sentence..."He sent the thought toward the horse and silence ensued." Did you mean "horse" or "house"? I wasn't clear on that.
Otherwise the story was great fun! I could see the expression of surprise on Diego's face as he was found out and could envision him "whipping around" and leaping out the doors. Hilarious!
You have a great sense of humor and style. I can't wait to read more.
Ah, double-digit childhood. Twas my favorite years! I've always been interested in how people chose their character names, and Abraham Foellinger is a particularly delicious name. I love it. The story line is great, I didn't find any grammatical errors and I was able to follow the story without any breaks or problems whatsoever. I was right there with Tyler right from the beginning to the end and the characters and fleshed out beautifully. Well done!
Point: Pulling weeds, clearing gutters bringing me items
Correction: Pulling weeds, clearing gutters, bringing me items
Point: I had spent the day doing a work project I was to present it that evening.
Correction: I had spent the day doing a work project I was to present that evening.
Or, I had spent the day doing a work project. I was to project it that evening.
Point: My meeting went well, I rushed home for dinner
Correction: My meeting went well; I rushed home for dinner.
Point: I know that he does, I see him using more.
Correction: I know that he does; I see him using more.
Point: I will miss him, I had gotten use to him being around.
Correction: I will miss him; I had gotten used to him being around.
Or: I will miss him and I had gotten used to him being around.
Point: His decision is a good one for him, I am glad he is seeking help.
Correction: His decision is a good one for him; I am glad he is seeking help.
Or: His decision is a good one for him and I am glad he is seeking help.
Point: I am just a distraction for him, I have no claims to him, he had vows to another.
Correction: I am just a distraction for him. I have no claims to him; he had vows to another.
Once those little things are cleaned up, this is a good piece. Keep writing!
To get away from a lost love is nearly impossible and I believe we've all been there and felt that. You mention that you feel this even when awake; I think this occurs even in our dreams, even if only subconsciously. Lost love truly does bring physical pain and your poetry expresses this perfectly.
I enjoyed reading this and can understand why it won 2nd place in Colouring the World Contest. Well done!
My heart aches and feels exactly as you feel as your love walks away from you. You plead with God even to make her stay and yet, she leaves.
The rhythm of the poetry is almost perfect, lilting and musical. The words make sense and I find no reason not to give you a perfect score. This is the type of poetry I love to get lost in. It reminds me of my own lost loves.
I would drop the phone and slump in my chair, put my head in my hands, say a few words I hadn't said since the kids were bouncing around in my nether regions, and then I'd say a few more I just invented.
Then I would suck it up and get it done. Because after all, isn't that what making the deal was all about?
Great story and creative idea! I could definitely see something like this happening in today's world.
Dystopian reading leaves me on edge, as if it's not quite fiction and not quite true-to-life. It's in that state of being between dreaming and wakefulness and I don't know whether to believe it could happen or if it's just a fairy tale.
This story is well-written, although I would have likes a little more interaction between Grace and the protagonist before they were thrust into each other's lives. Nice twist at the end.
This poem could be written a thousand, maybe a million miles times a day to at least that many people, as sad as that may be. My little brother is one of them. I am six years older that him and he, too, was my "baby" growing up. This poem resonated with me in the same way as a previous reviewer in that respect.
From baby to teen, slowly moving from innocence and sweetness to dark and evil. I can't say I love that it's happening, but I do love the way the author brought us there.
Prayers to you, author. Continue to write out your feelings and brings some light for others who may be struggling in this manner as well. Great job!
I haven't lost my father yet and so I haven't felt that heartache. However, my throat choked up as I read this yarn. "I was there with you on the back of your sea vessel!" as you and your dad exchanged looks and commanded the sea, however slight, hanging on for dear life and limb as the waves crashed around us during a particularly stormy gale.
I was emotionally caught up and was drawn in and I love that about this piece. Thank you. I would love to have this penned and framed on my wall next to a beautiful painting of an old sea captain I have; it would be very fitting.
I l could find no grammatical or typographical errors in this story. That being said, I loved it! The story was well-fleshed out and I was immediately invited into the story with the author. The author made me feel as though I was back in my own kitchen with my mother in the 60s as she handed her own list of items to me to purchase at the Red Owl a few blocks away. My dilemma was whether or not I would spend a nickel on myself as a treat or bring home all the change without question or wait for Mom to give me the nickel if she deemed me worthy of it.
I can also identify with how long the guilt stayed with her. It may seem like a little thing, but when you're an honest girl, one slip-up will follow you forever.
I loved the story and look forward to reading many more from you!
I had to laugh at the "obnoxious green vegetables." Aren't all green vegetables "obnoxious?"
I was a little confused about the sharing of the food. You wrote "Clara had twice as much food as I did! It would take me a week to eat what she had." and then she took pity on him and gave him half of hers. He was already poking at his food, hoping it would disappear. How is Clara giving half of her food to him (we don't know his name) helping him?
The rest of the story was a little choppy and confusing. I wished the characters had been more fleshed out and personal; I didn't get to know them and the story line bounced from one scenario to another without many descriptors or explanations.
I encourage you to keep writing, as you have the beginnings of a good writer. The story is there; I would like to see more detail.
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