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109 Public Reviews Given
186 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good question, and has a pretty good variety of answers to choose from. I chose, "most of the time I do, but sometimes I don't."

I think the selection might have been better with more intermediate choices. "Almost always" is probably more accurate than "always" even for the most scrupulous of raters; "usually" and "occasionally" probably apply to many people. I like your option of "No, I'd rather give no rating than a bad one," because I think that applies to many people. Sometimes it applies to me--less so if I have the time to accompany the rating with a review.

A lot of your choices could be expanded in a survey, if you want.
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Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is smart, sharp, rhythmically sound, and funny. Great work, and as a mezzo soprano, I still must utterly agree with you. Well, except perhaps I disagree with the claim that male basses get lots of credit--the tenors tend to grab the fame along with the sopranos, I think.

I'm posting this on the public review page, and I want to let everyone know that whether or not you normally enjoy rhyming poetry, you'll probably be charmed by this. Take a look and have a light-hearted laugh.
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Review of Molly's Eternity  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is well done. The characters and their lives seem real; it's easy, while reading, to care about Molly and sympathize with the narrator.

There are some misspellings: Say "Eggos" instead of "Ego's" for the waffles; and "mom" or "mother" instead of "moth".

Also, this sentence is missing a word: "Jamie explained to me how she came to believe that Molly wanted." You probably want to add "her" after "wanted" there.

I know you intended to leave this somewhat mysterious at the end, but I feel like there's a hole in the plot you may want to fill in. In your story, Mia was supposed to be at home making dinner on the night Molly drowned; but actually the narrator, Mike, and Jamie end up making dinner. Wouldn't the narrator have found it strange if Mia wasn't there when they got home? In the story, the narrator seems to suspect foul play in Molly's death; I think you might be pointing a finger towards Mia as the culprit. If there were something more about Mia at the end--whether she ever came back, and how she reacted to hearing about Molly--the ending might be more plausible.
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Review of Anything Goes!  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This sounds like a well-organized, well-explained contest idea. Though there are many contests that require the use of specific words or phrases, there aren't many pay gps automatically depending on how many words in the list are used. I think the words in the list are well-chosen--the sort that can almost inspire story ideas by themselves, but without limiting what kind of story can be written.

Two suggestions: Say "honorable" rather than "honorbale".

Also, make a post in the forum--it won't show up in public listings until there's one post. Many people simply write "Welcome" as a subject, and then have a post encouraging people to enter.
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Review of YOU AND I  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: E | (2.5)
Please don't be discouraged by the rating. I don't dislike your poem, but there are several things I look for in poetry not in terms of what is said, but how it is said. Your poem has a message, a story--the story of a marriage that didn't work, that you hope to break up amicably, without throwing around blame. You've outlined the situation, but you haven't included the personal detail that would make the poem unique--for instance, how is this the story of you and your wife in particular, and not the story of any couple in the same situation? You've said, "We are too independent," which is a start. It hints at your particular life, but stops short. Detail, both philosophical and physical, literal and metaphorical, makes narrative poetry interesting just as it makes prose stories interesting. It's much more important than rhyme, and unlike rhyme, it's one of the essentials.

I think the rhyme here is detrimental to the content--Consider the line, "That also is but so true". The line doesn't add to the poem--what you said before is true, or you wouldn't have said it, right? "But so," in the middle of the line, seems to be there just for the rhythm, and similar problems occur elsewhere in the poem.

Rhythm and rhyme are both secondary to content. In order to use them successfully, sacrifices to content--which include superfluous words and phrases--need to be avoided. Remember, rhyme is not essential to poetry, but content--metaphor, detail, uniqueness, philosophy--is critical.
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Review of Me!  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is great, and shame on the person who rated it 1 in the public reviews, for the most ridiculous of reasons. For one thing, that person doesn't realize that the placement of the words is computerized, and for another, he seems to think that it's some crime to be friendly. Go on being who you are--you sound like a nice person to be around, and there are others like you! But what a sad delusion for that person to be under--to think that he ought to pass cruelty down the line.
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Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
If this is autobiographical, I admire the strength and determination you showed in caring for your children despite the pain, and for contining to face each day.

I like the story, but it has a few errors in grammar.

"like hundreds of bees sting me..." could be, "like hundreds of bees are stinging me..."

"Not again." I cry... could be changed to "Not again," I cry...
Just a comma instead of a period after the end-quote.

"As he points out the spider on the wall. I remove it and save the day, as I struggle to remain standing long enough to walk away."

In the first sentence, perhaps replace "As" with "After"; then put a comma, rather than a period after "wall" to correct the sentence fragment. By the way, I like the internal rhyme in this sentence.

"Mommy, we're hungry"--you left out a period here.

"Lunch is served" and with that I sleep again.

Perhaps, "Lunch is served," I say, and with that I sleep again.
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Review of Whatsoever You Do  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is great; I like the way you show her personality through these motions, revealing that her primping is a form of acting for him, and that she has learned to act as a means to cope.

I especially like the stanza in which she passes the mirror and stares at her own reflection as though she's a bully staring down a meek student on a playground--it's a great way of showing her internal conflict between the way she is and the way she appears.


"She placates her resulting legs..." Perhaps leave out "resulting"--the previous stanza and the rest of this one already seem to show how they were broken.

In most poems, I'm not a fan of word inversion--"lotion fine," "polish pink"--but in this one I think it works well. It brings in a level of insincerity that echoes the acting that she has to do in her life.

And finally, a very subjective suggestion--I'm not sure I like having a parallel structure beginning each stanza. In each one there's "she" followed by a verb. The benefits in this are twofold--one that you've used powerful verbs, not cliche or abstract ones, and two, that you highlight the motions of this woman, and that is the intention of the poem. But the downside is that since the structure is repeated, the rhythm of the poem becomes more monotonous, less dynamic.
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Review of My Sonnet  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
In rhythm, flow and mood, good. In genuineness, good. But I think it needs more specific descriptions of the situation, and suffers a bit from cliches.

Your genre headings label this as a poem about death, but the poem itself doesn't mention death, or who died, or the poet's relationship with the person that died. It describes depression, but only vaguely, without going into the cause. Darkness and rain are cliches in angst poems--try to avoid them if you can, or else find some way of making them different.

Keep writing! You have talent, but as the poet W.B. Yeats said, "A line may take us hours maybe,/but if it does not seem a moments thought/our doing and undoing has been naught."
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Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like the message of the piece, and I also think it's well-written, not pretentious-sounding, but thoughtful.

Good use of the hypothetical situation at the beginning--I think you're right to try to show the big picture, and of course life is full of little moments that add up.

I think human nature can swing either way--towards selfishness or generosity--and one of the things that determines which way it swings is whether people learn they can trust others. If everyone believes that everyone else is selfish, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Some suggestions: In the sentence "You see the times you have done for others..." it seems like there should be a word after done. "Done good for others..." maybe? Or "helped others"?

Perhaps it would be good to link the last two sentences with a semi-colon and leave out the initial "and" on the second sentence, since the sentences are related in meaning.

Overall, very good work.
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Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great. It's a short piece, but still contains a detailed picture of your childhood and childhood town, and has a lot of information without giving the sense of rushing through anything. I like the way you focused in on one day--Easter, age 8--and still hinted at broader things.
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Review of All I Really Want  
Review by very=deb_sampson
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
What's great about this poem is the specificity and originality--too many poems about discontent and angst fall into generalities and cliches, but this one, with lines such as "stealing grapes from Safeway", does not. It also maintains a passion and energy.
However, what I don't like is the repetitition of "Sometimes I think" and "Cause all I really want." This is monotonous, and nearly caused me to stop reading the poem. Varying the last line, especially, is important--you could add to the meaning by adding something specific and different in each stanza.
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