Wow, like how you depicted the scenery to details. Moving your story from a boy who's got a craving to destroying with fire to him being humane for life.
The title does not fit with the piece, "They Abducted my Little Brother". You were talking in the first person as the detective, while the person they abducted was Sarah's brother. So maybe a new title.
Maybe you should describe so scene clearly, like the gym where Sarah's brother had sessions and maybe some passerby characters. Like the persons you were asking about his whereabout. You should have told us what they looked like, just a bit about them.
Then I also notice some few typos.
I really like this piece, and would encourage you to put more energy into it.
These are merely my opinions and I don't expect you to take it too seriously. And I mean no disrespect with this review.
Nice poem dear, but I find the end message not encouraging.
"He is different
but so am I
And if you don't like
Then Bye"
I think you've already told him how different you are from friends and family. And that is a good thing, but you ended it by being harsh. I think he understands you being different, but you took him to the cold. It's more like you're not sincere in your telling him how different you are. You're more focused on ending it with him or her.
This is just an opinion, you shouldn't take it to seriously.
It's a great and simple storyline. I like how you connected your characters running into each other, and how they needed each other. But maybe you should cut some work from the middle, it was more about the deceased and moved away from the life characters.
You talked more the deceased psychopathic tendencies, and left to tell us more on how the character 'Jared' ruined Layla's life.
I like how you moved through all this and connected them, by them needing each other. And how you made Jared look repentant from playing with a kid.
Maybe that's the reason for their breakup initially.
These are just my opinions, you shouldn't take it too seriously because it's your work.
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