*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/winterlourn
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Depression  
Review by Winterlorn
Rated: E | (3.5)
As a quick note, I would consider your opening paragraph a little vague. The beginning is a good point to introduce what you're trying to convince your reader of, what you're arguing for or against, or what you're trying to explain, with the rest of the essay (which you've spared no effort on) being for supporting that, discussing counterpoints, etc. Sometimes people do find ways to jump right in and entertain, but as a reader who knows people with depression as the result of a chemical imbalance I'm wondering why we're starting on the topic of depression as a result of life circumstances and where the "isn't" that suggests a false belief is coming from.

Well, I know, but others might not.

I'm guessing that what you're trying to do is give someone a look at what life with depression is like and to explain that it's not just a matter of being sad, "emo", or negative as some believe. In that case, you could make your point clearer and have a more structured essay if you used your first paragraph to briefly touch on misconceptions of where depression comes from and what it's like, and the rest of it to discuss everything you feel is important for explaining.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/winterlourn