Ok wow a cautionary tale? Not the ending I would have expected. The story did not really go anywhere or make me feel anythIng besides sorry for a spoiled child. The nice slow beginning and middle did not fit for me with the boy not learning his lesson until he dies from starvation keep on writing.
Ok very good prologue, good beginning scene with believable hook to get the action started. Good setting’s description and building action. The impending threat of the knife well stated. The internal dialogue could use a little polish. Just my opinion. All in all well done. I hope your characters have an epic conflict.
Wow well done the beginning has a nice hook. Suspense built up through the length of the journey. The middle has short pause with the entrance of another passenger. Back at it as the floors pass by. The conclusion has a twist i for one never saw coming. A job well done.
Ok I am not by any means an authority on writing but I can tell you my approach to character building. You already seem to have a handle on both main characters. Race. So after you discover the general appearance of each one. Write out in just as fast as you can fashion a day in the life of each one. What I mean is write with out stopping no spel check nothing. You will see the real character or find things you may need to change about them to be consistent. You got this, good luck.
I liked it. the characters seemed a pretty average couple. The walk was appropriately long. I did not feel much rising tension when he left her alone to sit on the wall. The killing scene was a bit shy on why she was looking for victims. Just my opinion and I’m probably asking too many questions for a short story.
Wow really good story. I liked the man character description. The man servant was a nice touch. The first scene set up and ending with minimal character movement well accomplished. The pilot scene a good set up for the conclusion. The ending is tied up and explained. A job well done.
Well answered all of the prompt requirements. Nice short story. Good beginning middle and end. Nice tempo. Short and sweet. Just remind me to stay out of the snow in your world.
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