Hey, its me! Just wanted to look at some of your stuff! I'm so glad that you aren't afraid to share what's on your mind. Have you showed this to your husband yet? I'm sure he would really like this.
Oh wow. I just had to go back and read that again. I wasn't sure what this poem was going to be about, but it was very powerful and touching. I just need to say that somehow, some way or another, I believe your mother can see what you are writing to her, and that she recognizes you. I'm not sure what you life with her was, but continue to reflect on your time with her, good and bad.
now... onto the poem. Thank you for not using rhyming! some poems out there are amazing with rhyming and different structured rhythms, but I enjoyed the rythm and the no rhyming. Also, since it's mothers day, I'm not sure if this was written before mothers day, or written today, but I'm glad you put it out here for everyone to see. Many mothers will see this and know just how special their relationship with their children are, thanks for inspiring all those people out there. even though there are only a few words, a few words is all it takes for someones life to be changed.
I also recognized your parallel structure near the end and was grateful in you doing that. And also, your foreshadowing was just enough to tell the reader something was up, but not giving the ending away, so, great job! overall! im giving this poem a 4.5, because it was amazing, but nothing is perfect, you could always brush up on punctuation and on other areas.
Well, I believe that you have a great story there, but it feels as though you rushed it! maye if you went back and edited it, it might flow a bit more easier. One thing I like doing whenever i write a story is to see...
1- how many words i have in the sentence, the usual length of a sentence is 17 words.
2- i like to see how much reppetition I have in the story, wether it be through the starting of a sentence, or the constant overuse of phrases
3- I like to see how much figurative language I have in a sentence, if any. Don't use too much figurative language, but if there isn't any, it might be a bit dry.
try going back to edit it, maybe get someone else to edit it, and your story might turn out a bit better. It's a great story, with a good plot, but a few tweaks might help! :)
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