Controled by little dots of light; pacified by bars of color. I had always believed that mass media, that the invention of television was truly one of the worst things known to man; because it was capable of taking away the thought of a man in favor for his undying attention. I really really enjoyed this poem, and in all honesty there is truly nothing wrong with it that I could find. Keep writing these amazing works, and don't listen to amateurs like me.
This was amazing, I really enjoyed reading it, and if I may say it was quite riveting. The entire feel, and imagery of the poem was so potent and straight forward it seemed to jump out of the page. The rhyme scheme, as standard as it may be, runs quite well and gives the entired poem and flowing/waving feel. The overlaying message of sex, seems to beat even within the meter of the poem. An amazing piece of work, thanks for writing, thank you for letting me read.
This is a bit uncanny; a bit unerving. I must first begin with saying that your writing style reminds me much of myself, and much of how I write even to this day. Well to continue, even though I found this poem quite a depressing/uplifting poem I truly had no problems with it. There were times where it felt as if the stanza was cut off before it got the message across, or times where the lines where stretched out a bit more than normal to sort of "force" the rhyme pattern. But other than that it was an overall nice poem. Thank you for writing, keep on.
Now that was a bit melancholy don't you think? Well anyway, I think this was one the most simple, but at the same time one of the most effective pieces I've read in awhile(that is of course if you take the word of an amateur). It felt like you were singing me a lullaby as I, myself, went to sleep. As if my lullaby had become some twisted prayer of security; I found this little poem quite the immersive one as well. With as little as was said, much was understood. Amazing--
Very good, I thought the imagery in this poem was quite potent, and forward. With each line you seem to create this swirling, building storm. One could go so far as to say the poem itself is paced as if it were a storm. There were no places of rythmic faults, however I did find the diction a bit below where you clearly are. In some places your word choice was quite dazzling, in others it became bland. If any problem, that would be my only one. Great poem over all, thank you for writing, and thank you for letting me read.
Wow! I truly enjoyed reading this piece and let me first say that it was quite a down to earth, and relateable poem. You began with a very picturesque scene with fragrant trees, and smiling stars--it reminds me of every night spent out in the middle of the Ozarks. There was truly nothing I disliked about your piece, if any problem, in my opinion I have never like writing in or reading simple rhyme patterns. Expierment! Create! That's what writing is about...or at least that's what I thought. I just thought that with a more complex writing scheme it would have been quite the amazing poem, however good for what it was. Thanks for listening to a amateur, and thank you for writing.
If you don't mind and amateur rating your work, I think that it was a very strait forward and blunt poem with a very simple rhyme scheme. However I really love the message of the overall poem; it's my personal belief that all people expierence just that--the need to become something before old age sets in, and our bodies give out. Overall however I think that your diction and word choice can use a bit of change--try to stray from such simple diction. A poet is not the man who uses complex words, but who uses words in amazing ways. There were also times where I felt that you were forcing the rhyme scheme, and changing the counts in words to fit what you wanted. That's what I got from it, if you'd like to correct me be sure to send me a line as well. Thanks for writing, and letting me read.
Sincerly,
Zen
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