Rent a Life

Rent a Life

         David scrolled up and down the file, searching for the routine that controlled the sound. He had been staring at the letters on the screen for so long they were blurry. “I know it's here somewhere.” Suddenly he touched his finger to the screen and leaned forward. “There it is.” A few keystrokes later, he settled back in the chair and laced his fingers behind his neck.
         “Is it fixed yet?”
         He turned towards the voice and half smiled. “No, not yet. But I’ve got the sound working now.” Facing the screen again he added a few more lines of code.
         “Make sure you save it this time. I don’t want to have to listen to you gripe about that again.”
         “Yes Rita. In fact, in a minute” He moved the cursor up to the file button and confirmed the save action.
         “Good. Oh careful with the coffee. That computer cost a bundle. I’d hate to think of that being taken from your paycheck.”
         David nodded and added a few more comment lines to the file’s description and moved the coffee mug away from the computer before pushing back from the desk and walking to the workbench. “Yes Rita, I did save the file again,” David said, anticipating her next remark.
         “Aren’t you done yet? You’ve been working on that thing for over two hours.”
         David looked up from his workbench and shook his head. “No Rita, I’ve got a few more tests to run.” He fiddled with a control, tapped the scope, and then gave a dial a half twist.
         “Why bother with all those tests? It is obvious that thing will never work. You should be applying your skills on something important. How about solving world hunger, or for that matter at least feeding me? You forgot to bring back some lunch today you know. I am starving. Aren’t I more important than those electronic black boxes.”
         “Sorry about that, I just got busy talking to Stan in marketing. He is getting all sorts of heat from the big guys about this new product. Sales for it will go through the roof. They had better be after the Rent a Snore box. Gaud that thing was a complete disaster.”
         “Well duh, what did they expect from some dumb machine that would snore in six different languages. I could have told them that free of charge. I bet this thing won’t do much better either.”
         “Nahh, this one,” he stroked his finger over the top of the box, “is destined to change how people experience relationships in the future. That is what I do, make devices to make people’s lives better.” With a soft sigh, David removed the alligator clips and disconnected the unit box from the leads. The tip of the soldering iron glowed briefly while he held it against the switch.
         “And how does the Rent a Kidney or the Rent a Brain make people’s life better? All those things do is help drug addicts bypass screens and lazy bums pass tests that they didn’t study for because they were too busy drinking. ”
         David pressed a hand to the small of his back and wrinkled up his nose. “You know those machines have other functions. The Rent a Kidney provides an alternative to dialysis for people who need that. Likewise, the Rent a Brain is designed to assist stroke victims with their recovery process by retraining their brain.”
         “Yeah, yeah, right, uh huh. You just keep telling yourself that. What about some of the other ones? The Rent a Bicep or the Rent a Brick, now you tell me the socially redeeming value of those things.”
         David laughed then scowled. “Ok, you got me there. Although that extra bicep did come in handy when I was re-arranging the furniture in my apartment. Any more questions?”
         "How much longer now?”
         He soldered another joint and rested the iron in the holder. “I think that was the last of the loose connections. As soon as I clean up here, I’ll be done. Then I’ll get you a sandwich.”
         “It had best be a ham and swiss on pumpernickel. That’s my favorite. Hey, you forgot to unplug that thing. A fire would be really bad.”
         “Yes Rita.” Turning from her voice he yanked the plug out of the outlet and let the cord dangle before reaching for the whiskbroom. He brushed down the top of the table, sweeping the small bits of wire and nylon shielding into the trashcan.
         “Did you unplug the oscilloscope too?”
With a growl, he ripped that thick yellow cord free and flipped off the power strip for good measure. David counted to ten before turning. “Will you be ok here for a while?”
         “Oh sure, nothing will happen to me while you are gone. Just lock the door. Speaking of locks, did you engage the lock the computer?”
         “It does that automatically after five minutes of inactivity,” he said while collecting his briefcase and sliding a few files into it.
         “Ah, ok. I couldn’t see the screen from here.”
         “Anything else?”
         “Yeah, my sandwich; ham and swiss on pumpernickel remember. Oh, and did you return Barb’s call?”
         “My ex-wife called?”
         “Yes, she seemed really nice. Why did you divorce her?”
         David just shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair. “We just didn’t get along. What did she want?”
         “She wanted to know if you could take the kids to the Barney concert tomorrow night. I told her you would love to do it”
          “You committed me to three hours of BARNEY?” He braced his hands on the edge of the counter, knuckles whitening.
         “It will be good for you to spend some time with them.”
         “I know, I know.” David turned and walked away. “ I’ll be back with your sandwich in a bit.” He drew the door closed and twisted the key in the lock.
         David leaned against the wall, savoring the silence before stepping out of the building. Geesh, her high pitched clipped voice was really annoying. While fixing the sound routine was progress, how was he going to survive her constant chatter. Perhaps Rita was right about something, though. Maybe the Rent a Nag device was not a good idea. No matter what, Project Rita was definitely going to live up to her namesake. Tomorrow, I’ll remember the earplugs.