Beautiful Jerk Ep.1

Beautiful Jerk by Porkchop Longmeadow
Episode I

As the monitor was heating up, I walked through my house and went into my kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. Normally, on a day like this, I would be interrupted by a phone call or the cat would come dashing out of it's new hiding space, only to wind up under my footstep. Not today, though. Today was going to be different. Today was special.

As I poured my coffee into my clean cup, my computer made all of it's normal noises of starting up and getting ready for my use. I walked through to my seat in the bedroom, barely even noticing the static electricity that hit my hand as I turned the knob.

I looked out my window and admired the snow outside. I had moved to a snowy foothills in a bland countryside. It was boring, but kind of nice. I drank my coffee, then hacked the hot stuff out all over my window. I cleaned it off and sat down at the computer.

Normally, I would just surf the web until I could find something that could hold my attention for about five minutes. Today, I was visiting a very special friend online. She first gripped into his thoughts when he had looked up pictures to post on his wall when he first moved in.

When he moved in, one of his relatives had been kicked out of her house because of a drug addiction, and had decided to move in with me. Her name, Girl Judgmental. (she always said her name backwards because it made her sound French or something) She always came home irritated and yelling at me as if she was my wife or girlfriend. She always had something to argue about, from what was for dinner to how drab the place looked.

I tried very hard to meet her needs. Since I already knew that no one else in the family would take her, and throwing her out would just make me into the bad guy, I worked day and night to make her shut her cry hole. So I looked up pictures to post on the wall so she would have one less thing to whine about. I Google'd pictures of horses (something neutral and feminine would do in this situation) and it popped up with a bunch of mediocre, dorky, and off the wall pictures that had only a small bit to do with horses (I witnessed a load of horrible sex videos while looking for something as innocent as this) until I found a magnificent picture.

It was of a horse, drawn with a good quality pencil in excitingly good detail, sitting near a stream with one leg broken and bleeding lightly on the ground. I took a good long look at this horse, and could see actual emotion in it's face, with it's eyes swirling around it's pupil like the water. I was in love. I printed it out, framed it, and put it on the wall. Girl still was not impressed, and continued to yell every night.

(This is not part of the story, but I think it deserves noting. Girl Judgmental had this way of taking my logic about her arguments and say that she was the more logical one, because of her liberal political stance and 'alternative lifestyle', that she was a brilliant woman who thought outside the box and claim that I was a soulless white collar droid, that she had a better view of the world than me. Then she'd go to her room and take her 'medication')

I grew more attached with the picture the more I looked at it, so eventually I visited her website. The girl's name was Jane Winston. Her site was three pages of hand drawn work. Everything she did was so powerful and exquisite,ranging from cherubs to rusty nails. The pictures were surrounded by an aqua background, that made it look like pages floating in the water, with a description in white font. Her insights were always carefree and sparse. I loved her voice.

Meanwhile, Girl continued to get more and more angry with me. I would spend a lot of time looking at the picture, and she would call it a waste of time and tell me to get off my ass and do something productive. She would tell me that Jane was an Internet stranger, and that I was just stalking her because of some stupid reason, that it was not love. Finally, after a few weeks of this, I finally told her off. I told her exactly how I felt, and she just shouted the worst words she knew and took out of my house.

Now, it's been two months since she left, and I was visiting Jane's site again, wanting to look at how she was doing. I clicked out all the pop-up ads and checked my favorites. I clicked, and found myself at her site. But she was not herself anymore.

What I found was the picture of the horse on the front, but it had been changed so it was no longer a horse. The thing resembling a horse was in the setting with the river and pine trees, but the stream was filthy, and out of a tree stump was an upside down flag dripping gray blood. The horse's chest was a large car engine clicking into the rest of the body. All the horses legs were the same, but tied to cinder blocks. The horse had no mane or tail, but a large black coal falling from his anus. The horse's head had been replaced by President George Bush Jr., vomiting.

It was the same original horse picture, but everything that originally made it great had been replaced by this ridiculous piece of shit. And I looked down to the explanation, and it read: “Now is the time for revolution. Oil-slicked teeth of the elephant serve us the restrictions, the chains that bind us-”

The explanation went on for 23 lines, and I couldn't read any further. My whole body went limp in the seat, as I just sat back and looked at it half-heartedly. My love had taken everything about herself and made it take a socio-political slant that only a high school student could possibly take seriously. I turned off the computer, and stepped out of the chair. I was about to put my coffee cup up until the phone rang. Just like every other day.