The day my world finally stood still

I woke up in pain this morning. It was more emotional then physical.


This has been an ongoing thing for me. Every 3 weeks I find myself gasping for air. I’d love to tell someone about all of this but when I pick up my phone. I realize that no one I can call will understand. They can’t possibly understand. After all, Dreaming of your own death isn’t very pleasant.

I told an old friend once. Told him about my dreams that is. That was the first and only time. He looked at me differently from that day on. I don’t know why. I don’t know if he thought I was crazy or if he felt that what I was telling him was way too possible.

I have tried everything to make them stop. Every night I clear my mind before I slumber off into a deep sleep. It doesn’t work. Nothing does. Every night I’m trapped in my own thoughts.
It wouldn’t be too bad if they were happy thoughts. Thoughts of being loved, and nothing more. But, it never works out that way. Sometimes I try not to sleep. It’s not too bad really. The body is an amazing thing and can function quite well when sleep deprived. But eventually it forces me into the nightmares.

This last dream, I think has been the least intense. But, that’s just my opinion. All yesterday I spent at home. Doing the normal stuff like organizing my room, doing some laundry, packing the lunch for work the next day. Nothing out of the ordinary. I would have to say, that yesterday is the best I have felt in a while. Once again, that’s not saying too much.
The thing I remember the most when I awoke this morning was seeing my body. Just lying there, not moving. On a sidewalk in the dead of night with a fresh snow falling. Such a beautiful and peaceful scene. Of course, it would have been more peaceful if my lifeless body wasn't lying there.