The Second Coming Of The Rainbow Lord

The Second Coming of The Rainbow Lord
By Rocklobster
“Ah!” Seamus screamed as the whip came down on his back.
“That should teach you a lesson for your crimes against the leader, scum. Goodbye.” the dog said, and he left. Seamus stood up gingerly and walked to his house. The town healer, seeing this whipping, walked over, spread some herbs on his back, and bandaged it. Seamus fell down on the floor. Then he passed out in to a deep sleep.
During his sleep, he saw an old man. He had a long, haggard beard, and wore rags for clothing. He looked insane. He stood with a strange looking cat and spoke in a strange accent.
“Howdy, Seamus. You can’t talk back, so I’ll fill you in. You are destined to defeat the dogs. Travel through the Starved Forest, across the Tundra and to The Lost City. There you shall defeat the dogs.” Seamus woke with a start.
“ I must go. I’ll pack up today.” Seamus had declined help from the fellow villagers because he thought he could go on his adventure by himself. In fact, the longest journey he had ever been on was a journey to his grandmother’s house, over the river and through the woods. He pulled on his orange sequin spandex pants, grabbed his sword, and hopped on his horse. His long hair blew back in the wind, and his green eyes shone in the sun. Seamus was six foot four, with a normal sized head with thick stubble on his face. Along with his pants, he wore a brown jacket with a beige shirt under the jacket. Under his shirt was chain mail.
The plains were full of long weeds, grass stretching across the plains as far as the eye could see. He didn’t get as far as the eye could see though. His old horse, Joe, keeled over and died after a mile.
“C’mon old Joe! Don’t die on me! Please!” This was his best steed. He had known Joe since he was born. He felt for Joe’s pulse. There was one last beat, and then the beating stopped.
“NO!!! JOE!” Seamus burst into tears. He took his supplies off the horse and had a very emotional funeral. He buried the horse and said a few prayers. He put his supplies on his back and started to trudge very slowly towards The Starved Forest. It took him a month to reach the forest. On the way he met many people. He met a talking Gila Monster and a Wildebeest who could play guitar. Finally, he reached the entrance to the forest.
He was about to walk into the forest when, suddenly, he heard a twig snap. “That didn’t sound like a twig,” He thought to himself. He looked to his left. There was a tree, broken down, and there, standing in front of him, was a giant flying rabbit. He had glowing red eyes and giant, fluffy white wings. It roared a horrible roar and flashed its giant sharp teeth, blood stains everywhere. Seamus pulled out a steak.
“Here you go, Mr. Bunny. You’re a good bunny, aren't ya’. C’mon, it’s a T Bone Steak.”
The Rabbit looked a him quizzically and snatched the meat out of his hand. He chewed on it for a while, and the rabbit just stood there. Seamus trudged into the forest, dismayed at his loss of a good steak. The forest was a dull, bleak place where barely any light shone. Animals crawled around the road. Seamus almost thought he could hear the screams of dead men, and it chilled him as he walked through the forest. Behind him he heard a tree crash. He looked behind him, and the rabbit was following him. Seamus kept on walking, and the rabbit followed. “Hmm...”, he said to himself, “I shall call you…Bunbun.”
The Rabbit smiled in response. “Bunbun it is then. C’mon Bunbun, let’s go.”
It is important to note that Seamus of Lyra had an extreme addiction to chocolate. Seamus had not had chocolate in months and was in pain because of it. Every minute he could, he thought of chocolate. He dreamt of a world made of chocolate. Sometimes he would see people of chocolate, or dream that Bunbun was one of those giant easter bunny chocolates. In short, Seamus barely live without chocolate.
Seamus couldn’t ride Bunbun in the forest. The trees were much too tall. So he trudged through the forest, and saw a sign. It said:
DANGER
But danger was crossed out in a crude manner. Instead it said:
SHORTCUT!
Seamus, not being the sharpest tool in the shed, decided to go on the shortcut. “What could possibly go wrong?” he said to himself. He walked down the path.
After a few days, he was a little bit worried. As he trudged along the path, something flashed ahead of him. He kept on walking. Again he saw it. Then he felt a burning pain in his hip. He turned to see a little chipmunk, eyes flashing.
“What the heck?” The chipmunk shot a beam from his eyes. “Owch!” Bunbun roared with pain. They were surrounded by the chipmunks. Seamus pulled out his sword, and took a swipe. Some of the chipmunks flew back, but more filed in. A flame erupted on Seamus' tunic. He quickly put it out. Bones were everywhere. He took out his sword and swiped everywhere. Many chipmunks flew back. Seams and Bunbun ran. After a while he suddenly had an idea. He pulled out some bread crumbs, and sprinkled them on the ground. All of the chipmunks jumped at them. There was an explosion, and there was only two remaining chipmunks.
Seamus picked up the two chipmunks.
Seamus exclaimed,“Little Rascals! Hey Bunbun, do you want some dessert?” He paused, then said, “We’ll keep one though. He may come in handy.” Seamus chucked one of the chipmunks at Bunbun, and Bunbun caught it. The other one he put into the pocket of his non flammable pants. He walked for a few more hours and was out of the forest. He stopped for camp at the edge of the forest. He saw, in front of him, the vast tundra. The tundra was a cold, barren place, covered with hard ground. There was little wildlife or plants. It was also very cold. He pulled out the chipmunk, whom he had named Little Bugger, and put him in front of a juicy steak. He squeezed Bugger’s head, and BAM, the steak was cooked to perfection.
The next day, Seamus woke up with a start. He had seen fire during his dream. It had hurt, too. Seamus woke up, pulled Bugger up and cooked some bacon and eggs. Then, he let Bugger go. Bugger, he decided, could not live very long in his tight pants.
Seamus whistled for Bunbun, and tried to hop on him, but he had trouble getting on. Finally Bunbun lowered his head and Seamus got on his back.
“C’mon Bunbun, let’s fly!” He shouted.
Bunbun spread his enormous wings and started bounding across the tundra. Up and down he went, getting higher each time. Then, Bunbun thurst hard with his back legs and flew into the air, flapping his wings. He got higher and started to glide. He flew across the vast tundra until they got to the Sionilli River. The Sionilli was a powerful, crashing river. There, near the gate, flying torwards him, was a penguin. It opened its beak and let out a shrill squawk. Out of its mouth came a giant burst of fire. Seamus pulled a crossbow out of its carrier, and flew up high. He hovered there for a second. Suddenly, fire came shooting at him. Barely dodging the fire, he cocked an arrow on his cross bow. With the other hand he pulled out a sword. Fughting bravely. He soon tired and stopped for a second. Then, he felt a flame singe his skin. He screamed in pain. It all went black.
He woke up on Bunbun’s back. It was extremely cold. He looked down, and there were The Small Mountains, although they were huge. Everywhere were giant snow capped mountains. Seamus cursed his ill fortune. He had gone past the Lost Dog City! Plus, he couldn’t defeat the penguins. Bunbun was tiring, so he landed him on a mountain top. He heard footsteps, and there, in front of him, was a half dog, half man. He had four big legs and where the dog’s head should he be, there was the top part of a human’s body. They had become this way because of the breeding between Dogs and Humans. It stared at him with interest, and called in a gruff voice. “Who BARK are you?”
Seamus thought of a resposne, and finally said, “ I am Seamus of The Great Plains. I have stood too long under the shadow of your evil brethren. I am a rider of rabbits, a defeater of chipmunks, a fighter against the Penguins of the tundra. I am a man on a mission to overthrow the dogs. Will you join me?” A crowd had gathered, and they stared in awe at him.
The Dog Men had problems speaking English, and they barked midsentence.
They started to scream of The Prophecy, and how Seamus was the man who would fullfill it. Seamus kissed babies and shook hands with everyone in the kingdom, including the king. They gave a giant pig to Bunbun, and led Seamus into their hall. There were thousands of tables, and at them sat a gigantic number of Dog-Men. At the head of the center table was The King, Grigo. Also at the table was the Storyteller, Loter, The Duke, Ukilludor, The duchess Uthesda, and the Prince Tim. They had a giant meal of deer and lots of beer. Finnaly, Loter stood up. Loter had imposing eyes and a loud voice.
“Let us once again tell the BARK phrophecy of the fall of dog!”
Shouts came from the audience.
Loter stood up and spoke “ Long ago, we were banished to BARK these mountains by The Dogs, our brethren. We predicted a man BARK in orange pants, and he would ride a rabbit. He would be the one to destroy The Dogs, BARK but only with every race’s help. There will be a massive battle, and BARK though he may falter, he would kill Spot, the evil one. Now he BARK is here. Let us BARK welcome Seamus, Rider of Rabbits!”
Seamus stood up, and said in a faltering voice. “Well, I’m kind’ve lost.”
The Dog-Men led him back into Bunbun’s lair on top of the mountain. Just go East straight across to get to the elves. We will start marching today torwards the lost city. Goodbye, Savior!” Called Loter.
Seamus hopped on Bunbun and flew. He flew for a very long time. Being lost, he landed in a clearing, with a cave on one side. Getting off Bunbun, he saw a man in haggard clothes. Was it the man in his dreams? Seamus walked over to him, and instantly recognized him. It was the man in his dreams.
“You! I saw you in my dream!”
The man turned around, and saw Seamus. “Seamus, me boy! You’ve come!” They walked into the cave together, and they started to talk.
“Seamus, boy, I have a lot to tell you. I am The Rainbow Lord, the former Revolutionary of this world.” He paused and said, “I failed. In the last moment, I could not defeat Spot. I went into exile, and now you have come around.You are the one who will liberate the masses! You are the chosen one.”
His smile faded for a second, and in a solemn voice he said, “You cannot do it alone though. You already have the dog men support and tales of your journey have galvanized your people. The elves are needed. They say they will go only when the true chosen one has come. To show this, I will give this to you. It is the mark of the chosen one. This cat is the sign. I failed because I did not have the cat. I found him here when I exiled myself. What are you laughing at?”
Seamus was laughing so hard, he feared his eyes would pop out.
“A CAT!” He screamed, “You’re telling me the key to winning the revolution is a cat! I can do this myself!”
“No, you cannot do this alone. I tried that. I was wounded. Look!”
He pulled up his rag to reveal a giant scar, from his neck to his foot. It looked as though it was burning.
“It was from Spot’s sword. It never ceases to pain me. I cannot live in peace unless it is destroyed.”
Seamus thought about it. He looked at the burns on his body. He realized he needed help.
“So what does this cat do?” he asked, curiously.
“Come outside. This cat is amazing.”
Seamus stepped outside with The Rainbow Lord. Outside was a target. The Rainbow Lord picked up the cat, and pointed it at the target. He pulled its tail and out came a rainbow.
The target burst into flames. The Lord handed the cat to Seamus, and told him to pull the tail. Seamus did, and once again, a rainbow came out and lit up the target.
“Wow,” Seamus said, “That’s an amazing cat.”
Seamus had some dinner, stayed for the night, and was off the next morning. He needed to convince the elves to join him. “Back to the forest,” he said to himself.
He flew over his homeland once again. He saw his people marching towards The Lost City. They pointed to him, and it seemed to make them go faster. To impress them, he pulled out the cat and made a rainbow for them. Everyone loved it. He kept on flying, towards the forest, and landed at the edge. Supposedly, seven miles north was the elf kingdom.
Three days later he arrived at the gates. The kingdom was huge, made of cedar logs. Stepping up to the main gates, one of the burly guards said, “Who goes there?”
Seamus pulled out his cat, and shot a small rainbow. “The Chosen One,” Seamus replied.
Tears came to the guard’s eyes. “The Chosen One hath come! Tell the king immediately! I am Yetel of Dahonik, at your service.”
“I am Seamus of Lyra. Nice meeting you Yetel.”
Yetel knelt and kissed his hand. Seamus drew back saying, “There is no need. All I need is to see your king.”
Yetel led him to the palace. There, in a glistening robe was Lokuh, The King Of All Elves. His eyes were blue and his ears were pointy, but only stubletly. Lokuh looked at Seamus up and down, and finally said, “ Hello, young warrior. You are supposed to be The Chosen One. Show us, and maybe you shall fufill the prophecy of our people. Show us YOU ARE THE ONE!” Lokuh shouted these last words.
Seamus pulled out his cat, and shot a rainbow into the sky. The Elves all looked in amazement. Lokuh bowed down to him.
“We March tommorow.” he said.
He went to sleep that night, as hungury for chocolate as ever before in his life. All the forces would attack tommorow, and Seamus would eat all the chocolate on earth.
Sun shined through Seamus’s closed eyelids. Lokuh was standing in front of him.
“ Your…hmm… noble… um, steed is ready. The army has already started to march, but I let you sleep because you were very drunk. You were angry about the ‘chocolate mountain’ that had disappered. Well, suit up, and get out of here.”
Seamus pulled on his armor, his helmet, grabbed his sword and crossbow and a shield. His orange pants blended well with the blue elvish armor.
Bunbun was dressed in armor, and he hopped on the rabbit’s saddle. Bunbun leaped up and flew over the now low trees. The human and elvish army were at the Sionilli River now, and Seamus could barely see the dog men army. They crossed easily and marched across to the Lost City. The Penguins of The Tundra were defeated easily. The siege had begun.
Dog Archers lined the walls, ready to fire upon the incoming army. Dog women and puppies were under the magnificient temple that lay in the middle of the lost city. The temple, which also served as a palace, was the tallest building in The Lost City. At the top was a gigantic statue of the leader Spot. Spot had been the revolutinary who overthrew the United Nations of Humans, Elves and Dogs. Now, the dogs ruled in a total dictatorship.
Seamus and Bunbun flew near the wall, and a volley of arrows came straight at them. Bunbun did a barrel roll and avoided the arrows. Seamus pulled out the cat, and shot it at the archers. Many burst into a torrent of flames. The three armies-Elves, Humans and Dog Men took the chance created by the archers demise to rush to the wall that lay between them and the city. They battered through the gates, and soon Dogs with swords and spears met them. There was a giant mosh of people, blood everywhere, and the sounds of metal clashing. Seamus landed in the fray with Bunbun and started shooting and swinging his sword at dogs. He was soon surronded by dogs. He strapped a bag of explosive powder onto his crossbow arrow, lit it and fired away. There was an explosion, and it killed most of the dogs. Bunbun flew into the air, hovered above the pit of war, and Seamus fired six explosive arrows, wiping out most of the dogs. The army marched forward with no mercy, and killed anything that was dog. They lit the buildings on fire, and destroyed fountains and wells. The army reached the temple. Surrounding the temple was the imperial guard, the most highly trained fighting force ever. Seamus led some soldiers into the battle, then flew above them and to the temple.
Spot sat in his throne, awaiting The Chosen One. Spot was a black and white Labrapougle (A mix of a Labradoodle and a Puggle). He had his sword ready and tons of chocolate. Then, in front of him came the chosen one. Spot pulled out his sword, waiting for attack.
Seamus lunged forward, swiping his sword overhead. Spot blocked it, crouched down and kicked Seamus down to the ground. Seamus lay there. Spot put the sword to his neck, and Seamus rolled away. He stood up, attacked again, failed and fell back. This battle lasted for a long time, Seamus and Spot trading blows. Then Seamus pulled out the cat, and Spot ran to the back of the throne room.
“THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE!” creamed Seamus, and was about to pull the cats tail, but he stopped short. In front of him was a mound of chocolate, and a chocolate fountain, and everything chocolate. “Oh sweet mercy,” he said, and fell to his knees and dropped the cats.
He ate and ate and ate the chocolate, until he just sat there, sitting in the chocolate.
“I know how weak you are, Seamus. I know you love chocolate. I KNOW EVERYTHING! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!”
Seamus, in a chocolate haze, responded, “How…?’
Then came the shocker. Spot said, “Do you remember your dog Seamus? Sparky?
I am your dog.”
Seamus got up, and looked at Spot. “Sparky. No it can’t be you. No! You ran from home and died!”
“No Seamus, I ran from you to become ruler of the world. You raised me well. You raised a ruler.”
“ Oh no. Why did I raise you?”
“You were a fool. You could’ve left me in the shelter, but you did not.”
Seamus feel to the ground, crying. He had been best friends with his enemy, who had lured him in with chocolate. Needing help, he pulled out the dog whistle, that makes the sound only a dog could hear, and stunned him. Getting up, he ran to the window and shouted. Suddenly Bunbun and three soldiers, dog man, man and elf, crashed through the tower and surronded Spot. Seamus, hyper from his chocolate, couldn’t aim a bow, so he picked up his sword and cat, and rushed toward Spot. The soldiers had caused a distratction, but they were defeated. Seamus kicked Spot to the ground, and he pulled out the whistle and cat.
“I hate you!” He blew the whistle hard into his ear. Spot winced in unbearable pain. He pulled back the cat’s tail, and Spot burned into ashes. Seamus threw them off the edge of the tower, and the soldiers cheered.
The land became prosperous. The temple became the new United Nations, and each land, including some dogs, lived prosperously. Seamus was never forgotten. He returned home with Bunbun, fought in another war, and found the next Chosen One. Seamus trained the next one, and retired. Until his very death he ate chocolate.