Holmes: Vignettes of a Sullied Life

Category: Writing and Poetry


THE NEW AGE HOLMES HAVE A GANDER-1


Man on stage appears in Sherlock Holmes gear; cape, hat, complete with pipe. There is a small hand table in front of him strewn with magnifying glass and other things not visible.

It was twenty years ago today Sherlock Holmes taught the band to play.

Ello, has you may have deduced, my name is Sherlock Holmes, world famous sleuth. What say? You want to help solve some crimes with I and me partner Watson-lets have a go. Right, this first case is a real doozy, The dreadful Case of the Dog that Shite Itself to Death.

You see, my dears, I know things. Oh yes, things that mere mortal sleuths could only dream of as they shite themselves looking for clues and so forth.

Watson, my dear and loyal assistant and fine quality blow procurer, who on Gods green earth killed this foul, sad beast?

How the ell should I know, youre the bloody detective right


Back in London with the blues again, might as well venture out again in this vibrant, dirty city, if only to escape the drug induced stench of my Baker Street quarters. Come now, let us proceed along to my favourite establishment. Here, with the comfort of strong tea, I have pondered many a trying case.

Woman

My baby was taken from me, I know it had to be the dingoes again.

Holmes

So a dingo comes along and fancies your baby-what the bloody hell is a dingo?

Woman

Twas a dingo-a dingo ate my baby!

Holmes

Your name is Meryl madam is it not?

Woman

No, its Belinda




cc

fix this fuckin thing Watty old boy...........
for christs sake

anyway, i had abit last night huh-fuckin feels it-saw a lot of the ol mates didnt i-railroads and all