Thoughts in the Air

"I have the feeling that I came up with the explanation to all my problems; I am mad. yes, I reached this truth while being high, but don't the things we express when we are high reflect some truth? I finally told myself in less then a week, all the things I've been hiding, and I think it was too much thinking for such a short period of time since now I really feel that I got mad. Real mad, like those mad people read about in a scientific encyclopedia. but because we need to balance, not to fall overboard, not to look at the ground when we're at the edge, i'm telling myself that they reflect a desire to be healed! And something makes me smile now, because i finally can say that I am overwhelming myself with knots, huge knots, and I am trying to know why? where do they come from? so I analyze, and yes hash helps me do it, I analyze my past, and I go back to each single part of my memory to live back through these days when I forced myself to forget terrible things about me. then only I do understand; this whole process distills the essence from the flower that i have in the inside. You know that beautiful flower that keeps us shining... Non poetically, this can be described as a succession of depressions starting to go bad, and that express themselves using a weird language of evil thoughts,obsessions,hostility toward myself,loss of memory, and a tortured mind, and especially an arrogant ego that tries to control you as you are fighting against yourself. this is exactly what i'm feeling now. I see the world differently... you know my flower is in reality, a black rose."


"Sometimes, I hear a voice in my head shaping
my thoughts and expressing my feelings in unexsisting words which seem beautiful and precious to me. When I take a pen in order to materialize my inspiration, I fail. Words I use are not those I'm looking for; the sent message is not what i really meant to say. so, when I will feel this total osmosis between my inner voice and my acting soul,when the words I write will be those I dream of, I will probably have my greatest orgasm."


"tell me lady, what's the use of wearing a veil if it is transparent? behind its transparency you show us your desire to be looked at...take it off! let your hair flow with the wind, your skin absorb sunshine. let your femininity explode before the eyes of the world, it is your right to put some of your colour in the painting of the world."


"I'm happy to know that I'm not mad actually, I've just talked to some people I know who also think that being kind to someone is a proof of greatness, who also make people they like go first, who also have this "arrogant ego" telling them that they're real, that they're pure, and, i'm glad to realize that I'm not alone in this world who holds this truth that everyone else thinks is a big illusion. and life is beautiful you know, life is great. we're often blaming what we think is God for making our life so hard but in fact, we're making it difficult. Please, maybe I'm just too fuckin' drunk, or maybe I'm just too fuckin' real, but believe me, life is a treasure. Cease the moment, cease the day. I'm telling you that in the name of a fuckin' 19 year old junkie who just found out how life is precious, so, don't waste time thinking about the son you abondoned to the cruel world, or desperating for being so fat, or feeling down for being so irresponsible; if life is able to forgive you, you're able to forgive yourself and live this life you are to live. LIVE IT, not for me, not for you, live for what it is: unique, and limited"


"Sun is throwing her endless rays over a dark morning. Sun is inspiring us a "self" we're to be knowing. Sun is smiling to a day we're blaming. Sun is singing a song we're forgetting. Sun has no heart, no soul, and no mind, but it's shining for us, shall we shine for it?"


"My skin is burning under the rooflight. Loneliness is making me feel great. Friends are making me feel real, and writing is making me feel ...I don't even know. But don't you know there's no such a thing as knowing. We are born to wonder; and those who don't wonder are not born to live"


"We are growing older, colder, further from the beauty of this life. Weather is changing, people are getting smaller in body and mind, more inventions for more comfort, things we did not have time to know are already changing; I know that what I am saying is just bullshit, but stop thinking for a moment and feel what is surrounding you: agony. Humanity is in agony."


"Take a pen, let it rock your fingers as you think deeply and rock your world. Face the words, and they will remind you everyday of the things you did. They gonna haunt you for the rest of your life, and you gonna touch the last feeling you have not experienced yet: madness. Or burn the paper; words will vanish in a thick smoke and you will keep on walking till the top of the hill where you gonna die."


"Being high is assimilated to deep thinking into shallow things."


"Those who lost the child in them have nothing left to lose."


"Fake. Everyone is fake here. What are they acting for? Don't they know that if they act real their life is just going to be more exciting?"


"Writing is an approach to divinity. When you write, you adore. You adore your mind, your spirit, your soul, the universe with its smallest particles...then you practice a religion of your own and you become the prophet of human fears, love, and expectations. And your words may remain on the paper, so you would approach immortality."


"He's deep under my skin, deep in every breath of mine... I scream his face and body in my sighs."


"I want to write words of passion, lust and trouble, draw his body with wavy rhymes, see his face through verses of pleasure. But my pen is breathless, nothing to say about the one who makes feel so strange. The unknown feeling, the unnamed sensation... something I can't define; something I can only see in my mirror. He has the loathsome power to change women's faces. He puts something in our eyes, even more in our smiles. When a woman is charmed by him, her eyes express some kind of sweet and uncertain happiness, along with a dark shade of doubt."


"When we get naked, our soul spills the earth. When we get naked, all our regrets seem to avenge our naivety. When we are naked, needless to lie, needless to cry, we can be ourselves cause being someone else won't help anymore.So here I am naked, facing myself, watching my lost dreams turning around in a deep spiral of disillusionment. I'm gonna find in someone else this mysterious light that I seek, this holy secret that I need to find. I'll find it in someone's eyes, in someone's soul, in the sky... Maybe, I will never get it, but I'm gonna seek it everyday and every night, in darkness in moonlight. In a dizzy day of sorrow, my room is my universe, music is my soul's single tear as it screams out all that I feel. My shadow is my only friend, and it's ok as long as I'm not totally lonely."


"And Souki said, if we were all ants, it would have been wonderful. No comment."


"Do you have a dream? Did life give you means to realize it? Did you abuse these means and gave them away? Did you lose your dream just because you were too lazy to work it out? Well, if you did, help me tell the remaining dreamers not to give up their dreams. So that this world's heart will keep on beating, and desperate souls such as ours will keep on breathing."


"If this bloom never dies, I will look for purity in somebody's smiles, I will steal divinity from the skies, and I will put it in your eyes. If this bloom never dies, I will give my all to this nature, I will be your child, your treasure. I will take all the colours of this universe and paint a smile on your face. I'll steal melodies from the waves, I will sing the song of lost days, just to rock and roll your mystery. If this bloom never dies, I will not die, but since everybody has to cry, I am sorry but I have to let you die."


"The breeze obeys your gray shadows, the dew wraps your sweet sorrows. The garden is gray, black and white, nothing shines like your soft light. Dear moon let me tell you, that this garden belongs to you. Every tree, every bloom, every stream of air, bow down under your shining hair. Dear night, let me say, that every time before I sleep, I pray God to allow me again to see your shy light sparkle over me. Heal me."