5 Short Films About Mushrooms

FIVE SHORT FILMS ABOUT MUSHROOMS





screenplay by

JONATHAN YANIV




















1st draft
August 11, 2006



EXT. WODDS - NEAR THE ALPINE LOOKOUT - DAY

A TRUMPETEER is walking through the WOODS, until he sees a TREE with a DARK HOLE in it. Out of curiosity, he peers inside.

INT. THE TREE HOLE – DAY

A MUSHROOM is dancing.

CREDITS

FADE OUT

TITLE READING Five Short Films About Mushrooms

INT. GEED'S ROOM - DAY

TOMOM and GEED, two pot smoking teenagers, are hitting a BONG. The two pass it back and forth for a little, and then relax against Geed's FUTON, zoned out in a drug induced haze.

GEED
(Listlessly)
yo...

The two continue to stare forward as if they were thinking very hard, while not doing so at all. They are sober enough to speak clearly and form ideas, but slowly.

GEED
I bought this mushroom from
Thailand... It's crazy.

TOMTOM
Shit man. You mean like... a mushroom
mushroom, or a mushroom.

GEED
I'm not sure man. But I know its
supposed to be all craziness when
you eat it.

TOMTOM
Seriously?

GEED
... ya...

TOMTOM
You wanna eat it?

GEED
What? ... Oh, Sure man, ya, it's in the
`fridge.

INT. KITCHEN - GEED'S HOUSE - DAY

The REFRIDGERATOR door swings open revealing a large mushroom standing in the center of the REFRIGERATOR, with all the other food pushed to the side.

TOMTOM and GEED both stare at the MUSHROOM in awe.

TOMTOM and GEED are sitting down Indian-style, and TOMTOM is holding the MUSHROOM and staring at it with his mouth hanging open.

TOMTOM
That's a big fucking mushroom
man...

GEED
...ya...

They sit contemplatively for a while, before coming up with a new course of action.

GEED
Let's eat it.

TOMTOM
Alright. Here.

TOMTOM hands GEED the MUSHROOM. GEED looks at TOMTOM, and then bites into it and starts to chew. He passes the MUSHROOM to TOMTOM, who proceeds to take a cautious bite.

The two sit for a couple seconds thoroughly chewing. As they do so, they slowly begin to separate from their bodies. They don't notice at first.

They both turn to give a satisfied smile at one another, when they see their bodies.

BOTH
WHOA!!

They both jump back, and give a satisfied laugh.

TOMTOM
This shit is fucking STRONG
man. Yo, I'm like... seeing
myself... holy shit yo!

GEED
Me too, man, I'm, fucking
floating. This is insane man,
it's like fucking astroprojection
or something. I saw this shit on
the discovery channel. Buddhist
monks do this shit after they
blaze bro!

TOMTOM
Seriously? Yo, Buddhist monks
toke? You serious man?

GEED
Ya man, that's all they do up
there in the mountains. Fucking
meditate and smoke mad reefer.

TOMTOM
Word.

GEED
Yo you gotta admit, this is pretty
chillin right here.

TOMTOM
Mad chill.

They start LAUGHING. As they do so, their bodies get up and start walking away.

TOMTOM
Uhh... what the fuck. Yo man,
we're leaving.

GEED
What?

TOMTOM
HOLY SHIT MAN! Look! Our bodies
are getting away!

GEED
WHAT THE FUCK?!

Pretty FREAKED OUT GEED and TOMTOM run after their BODIES, which now went outside.

EXT. GEED'S HOUSE - DAY

The BODIES get into a car in the drive way, and drive away leaving GEED and TOMOM staring dumbstruck.

TOMTOM
I lack words to describe the
events that have just occurred.

Without anything else to say, the two walk back in the house.

INT. GEED'S HOUSE

They hear the sound of a TRUMPET, and see a TRUMPETEER who is in the same state as them walk by. HE stops next to them.

TRUMPETEER
You guys ate it too?

GEED
Ya...

The TRUMPETEER sighs, and shakes his head then continues to play.

FADE OUT

EXT. ALPINE OVERLOOK - DAY

B.J. a PHOTOGROPHER is at the ALPINE OVERLOOK looking at the view of MANHATTAN, while putting film in his camera. Next to him is the TRUMPETEER, playing the same song.

After loading the film B.J. waits a moment, then gets up and begins walking through the woods taking pictures of all sorts of mystical looking things in the WOODS.

He finishes his roll of film, and opens the CAMERA. Where the rolled up spool of FILM should be, instead, he finds a MUSHROOM.

B.J. stops and jovially ponders this situation, ecstatically tackling the absurdity of the quandary he now finds himself in. He smells the MUSHROOM. Thinks for a moment, and then eats it.

FADE OUT

EXT. WOODS - DAY

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD is skipping through the forest, picking MUSHROOMS for her GRANDMA. As she is picking MUSHROOMS, a PIRATE pops out.

PIRATE
ARGHH! I'm going to GUT YOU LIKE A CAPER!

LRRH
AHHHHH! A PIRATE!

PIRATE
AH HA HA HAHA! Arghh!

LLRH RUNS away, and She THINKS she got away, but the PIRATE is actually still FOLLOWING her discreetly, hoping to capture both her and her Grandma. As she walks down the path, the TRUMPETEER walks by her playing his song, and passes her just as quickly.

LLRH walks to her GRANDMA'S HOUSE, unwittingly leading the PIRATE there too.

EXT. WOODS - OUTSIDE GRANDMA'S HOUSE - DAY

LLRH knocks on GRANDMA'S HOUSE, and GRANDMA opens the door, and gives LLRH a big hug.

GRANDMA
Oh my little dumpling! What a
surprise! What are you doing here
Kneidelach?

LLRH
Oh Grandma, I was just coming
to visit you and... (I picked
some wild mushrooms on the way!)

All of a sudden, the PIRATE pops out.

PIRATE
ARRRGHH! I'm gonna guts yous
like a caper!

GRANDMA
(flabbergasted noise)

All of a sudden, GRANDMA grabs a mushroom out of LLRH's basket and bites a piece off. GRANDMA'S back pops straight, and she begins to roar. Then GRANDMA rips off her shirt, revealing that she is actually a muscular man who begins to scream.

The surprised PIRATE screams and tries to run away, but GRANDMA jumps on him.

EXT. GRANDMA'S PATIO - DAY

GRANDMA and LLRH are sitting down, drinking tea, eating mushrooms, and laughing.

FADE OUT

INT. A SMALL ROOM – NIGHT

The TRUMPETEER, is standing in a small room, with a suite. He is playing for a moment, and then he puts his instrument to the side, and speaks directly to the CAMERA.

TRUMPETEER
And now for today’s slice of enlightenment from Professor McPoupin.

The TRUMPETEER goes back to his playing.

INT. THE PROFESSOR'S STUDY - NIGHT

PROFESSOR MCPOUPIN is sitting in his couch chair besides the fireplace, with a good book, waiting for a second. He picks his head up and looks at the camera. He puts his book and glasses down on the coffee table next to him. He takes out another pair of thicker glasses, and looks right into the camera for a moment.
MCPOUPIN
(An extensive monologue will be added in the second draft that is composed of continuous nonsense, with a conclusion about mushrooms.)

FADE OUT

INT. WOM'S HOUSE - DAY

In this short, this same scene occurs 2 1/2 times, Each time in a different style. The first time should be dreamy with wobbly shots and after-effects. The second time should be more distanced and cold, with still frames and no lighting beyond what is naturally there. The third time around, should be simpler, promising a normal ending, but ultimately denying any ending at all. The third time around will end at the stars (**********).

WOM gets out of BED, and puts on a shirt.

He goes to the KITCHEN, turns on the radio (the TRUMPETEER’S song is playing), and takes a sliced MUSHROOM out of the refrigerator.

He sticks the MUSHROOM on the frying pan, and cooks it. A lot of steam is coming out.

WOM is sitting at a TABLE in the KITCHEN with a single plate containing a large steaming MUSHROOM on it.

WOM puts a NAPKIN on his lap, staring hungrily at the mushroom. He then sprinkles a little salt, and grinds a hearty amount of peppers on the dish.

WOM slowly begins to eat the MUSHROOM with a FORK AND KNIFE. He appreciatively chews it, and looks forward, staring at nothing.
****************************************************************
WOM seems to involuntarily get up from his meal, as his body takes him outside to the patio. He then stands still for a moment, and floats away into the sky.


FADE OUT

INT. THE TREE HOLE - DAY

In a BLACK space, the TRUMPETEER is sitting on a chair, and he finishes his song.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

KILLBERT is looking into the same dark hole in the same tree as the TRUMPETEER in the beginning. After a moment he turns, contemplates, and then walks away.

FADE OUT

CREDITS