Colors

Behind closed lids explosions of colors. blue , pink , green .
lips that sometimes are sweet. sometimes taste of nothing.
dry, bleeding, tasting me.
cold hands running across my stomach. so gentle. unwelcome
but always touching me.
" What are you thinking ?" whispered close to my ear.
breath so warm. so close.
raising tiny goose bumps along my arms.
Behind closed lids you are a million different sensations.
sometimes sweet and loving, feather-soft touches.
other times too painful to touch.
I hold my hands up to your face. hold my arms.
can you see them ?
can you ?
feel them ? some are yours ...
and I really don't remember which ones anymore.
and they never really hurt ...
I wanted them to hurt.
look closer.
yes, that's it. you see them. look.
do you want to know.
" How did ..." you begin but the question is never finished .
I didn't expect you to.
and so instead I let you bury your head in my arms.
stroke your hair.
hear you whispering something. soft, under your breath.
So very soft I will never be able to make out the words.
close my eyes. wonder if I can make the tears come.
maybe? maybe not.
but it doesn't really matter. you're looking at me now.
I can feel your eyes on me. open my eyes. stare. smile.
" What are you thinking. " you ask .
eyes so deep they threaten to drown me.
" Nothing ." words forming on my lips.
spilling out of my mouth. even before I can stop myself.
" Nothing. "