Genius & Insanity: Various Poems

Open Eyes



Am I the one who's crazy

or is it everyone else,

Sometimes I feel like maybe

I'm the one who needs the help.



Other times I feel so right

in a world so filled with wrong,

A world consumed with madness

and all I have's my song.



But words won't stop the war

or change what's on T.V.,

So what do I write poems for

if no one wants to see.



Ignorance is bliss

it's easy being blind,

Easier ignoring this

than opening your mind.



Sex and violence everywhere,

I guess that's what we want,

Our morals gone into thin air,

we traded them for fun.



We're all obsessed with getting rich

until we're close to death,

But some are sleeping in a ditch

so close to nothing left.



I know because I've been there

I swear to you it's true,

I've learned life isn't always fair

no matter what you do.



I've seen cocaine destroy some lives,

so hard for one to fight,

But also watched them build anew

for the first time living life.



It's funny how sometimes it takes

one losing everything,

To see the things that he had gained

were not the things he needs.



There are no cars in the afterlife

no clothes and no bling bling,

And all the things that you can buy

are still material things.



I wonder why we don't take time

out of the day to learn,

Time to love and time to help,

it's all of no concern.



We question nothing anymore

that's just the way it is,

And what the hell are parents for

when T.V. raises kids.



We learn to be consumers

before we learn to walk,

Absorbing what they want us to,

they're brainwashing us all.



And I am crazy for saying it

for not being the same,

For refusing those still playing it,

this shallow, empty game.



Meanwhile there are children

with nothing on their plates,

And children killing children

while others die from AIDs.



Children with no guidance

repeating what they see,

Growing up in violence

when love is what they need.



Out of sight and out of mind

is the motto that we live,

Africa is plagued with AIDs

and skeletons of kids.



Troubles in the Middle East,

war must be the answer,

Veto stem cell research,

fuck Parkinsons and cancer.



It makes me want to scream

the truth into your ears,

Instead of writing poems

that no one wants to hear.



Nobody even stops to think

until they're faced with death,

Until they lose a loved one

or nothing else is left.



But then we see it all

so vivid, crystal clear,

It was right before our eyes

the whole time we were here.



I drown myself in alcohol

and drugs to ease the pain,

And do my best to write it all,

my efforts just in vain.



By shouting out my message

I appear to most insane,

Wrong for not conforming

but striving for a change.



So go ahead and brush this off

as a crazy person's thoughts,

Go ahead and just give in,

something I cannot.



Our destiny is to understand

and see beyond the lies,

I write it down because I must,

I see with open eyes.

_____________________________________________________________________





Bittersweet Pleasure





Why can't he just be good to her

I think each time I look at her,

And if she really leaves him

then he'll see what he has done to her.



She hasn't been happy, since God knows when,

and I gave her what she needed when she needed a friend.

Now I'm paying secret visits, trying to keep it from him,

and acting like everything is normal again.



But the fact of the matter is, she's already gone,

and she's so tired of trying so hard to hang on..

She could be a few states away, in a matter of days,

if she'd only bring herself to let go all the way.



He continued ignoring the feelings she mentioned,

forgetting to kiss her and give her attention.

And the past couple years he quit showing affection,

now pushing her heart in a different direction.



But while he is falling down, she is gaining ground,

and looking for an exit, from the drugs and from this town.

I pretend to be friends if he's coming around,

but he's yelling at her and I'm hating the sound.



I can't really explain it or say how it happened,

but her and I long have both hid our attraction.

At first I was there for consoling her sadness,

her complete discontent with a life full of madness.



But how could it not make him stop in his tracks

to listen to some of the questions she asked?

Like why are you changing, and why can't you be

my lover, it seems you've lost interest in me?



So simple a task, to love someone that sweet,

her smile seemed to sweep me right off of my feet.

Right out of my slump, bouncing back like the beat

that pounds in my heart and signals defeat.



Speaking of signals, he noticed not one,

he left her at home, while he was out on the run.

He used to come over, to my house with his son,

and party all night without calling her once.



Until one late night, when the party was done,

and we went to his house to finish his rum.

I stepped through the doorway, literally stunned,

at the goddess there waiting for the moment he'd come.



I sat on the couch, since he'd taken the chair,

then he quickly proceeded in passing out there.

Such natural beauty, I tried not to stare,

while she spoke to me softly that life was unfair.



As weeks went by, I was visiting more,

unsure if she knew who the visits were for.

My girlfriend just left me a few weeks before

so we both knew the feeling of feelings ignored.



I guess that he trusted me, or just didn't care,

night after night, leaving her with me there.

And she'd cry on my shoulder to hold her, so scared,

brushing her hair from her face, I'd promise he cared..



I guess she'd forgotten what it felt like to share

a moment with someone who noticed her there.

The passion was heating too fast to ignore,

two lonely hearts beating and begging for more.



Then early one night when I came to the door

she kissed me and said I can't take anymore,

She pulled off my clothes, and pulled me to the floor,

and we began making love without saying a word.



Her facial expressions seemed to say it so clear,

for a moment her pain really did disappear.

Bittersweet pleasure, I'm holding her tight

and see the reflection of tears in the light.



I'm still breathing heavy and amazed I am here,

She's crying and softly says into my ear,

"I'm still in love with him..."

_____________________________________________________________________





Your Truest Friend



All good things must pass

and even true love ends,

Life is like a paperclip

it's only made to bend.



And when you need a friend

most times you'll be alone,

Most times you'll only find that

this world is cold as stone.



Nothing here is easy

smiles are mostly fake,

People mostly use you

at times it's hard to take.



But sometimes there is sunshine

and the sky is clear and blue,

Eventually you'll find that

your truest friend is you.

_____________________________________________________________________





"Someday"


Another lonely day is passing me by,

and turning into a lonelier night.

So many girls in and out of my life,

I cannot find one that feels just right.

I've thought I found love a few times in the past,

they entered my heart and left just as fast.

So quick to say those three small words,

then leave me leaving only hurt.

I guess I'm not a typical guy,

I search for love and don't know why.

And I think sometimes too hard I try,

to find someone to satisfy.

Someone to place above all else,

someone who loves me for myself.

And I wish I did not feel this way,

But that's just me, I cannot change.

I've drank a lot, I've done some drugs,

all to take the place of love.

But no single drug was ever enough,

a woman's touch is such a rush.

I need something more than a simple fuck,

I'd rather take it slow, I'd rather make love.

And i want a girl I can hold each night,

and to share my world for the rest of my life.

I know I'm young, but I have to keep faith,

that I will find this girl somewhere someday.

_____________________________________________________________________





TOGETHER ALONE

Don't answer the phone, just say I'm not home,

I have nothing good to say.

I need left alone, this world hasn't shown

me anything good today.

If you haven't noticed, I'm sadly hopeless,

but it comes and goes.

I lose my focus, you should've known this,

I guess it goes to show

I'm just a big baby, sometimes I get crazy

and really need to be held.

I'm really not lazy, I just thought that maybe

you felt like I felt.

Sometimes it seems, this is all a big dream

so why get out of bed,

And all the things, I think I need

are only in my head.

So if you don't mind, just this one time,

let's lay and hold each other,

I'm out of line, but I'll be fine

right here under these covers.

So don't answer the phone, we'll pretend we're not home,

I just want you today.

_____________________________________________________________________





"Searching My Soul"



The foremost thing for which I search

I never found through years in church,

Not even through the many deaths

Or when it seemed nothing was left,

And all my many run-ins with jail

Still for my search held no avail,

I've found no name, no trusted title

So many discrepancies in the Bible,

I've always felt so full of doubt

Unaware of what life's about,

I try and try to find some meaning

Yet find myself again careening

Into this place right now I face

Seeing myself losing the race,

It's like I'm chasing some invisible tower...

I cannot find a higher power.

_____________________________________________________________________





Who?



So alone I get sometimes

I cannot deal with this heart of mine



Seeking love in any arms

scared of all the pain and harm



Sometimes it seems my only friend

is this single notebook, this single pen



Desperately searching for something so true

Someone needing me, but I wonder who?

_____________________________________________________________________




Human Like You



Take me as I am, I'm human like you,

mistakes and failures are nothing new.

I've been at the top, seen the bottom too,

throw no stones 'til you try my shoes.

More than words, I live this too,

and I can't pretend to understand you.

All I see are things you do,

nothing like what's seen through you.



I'm claustraphobic, I'm sure you can tell,

now picture the months in a cold lonely cell.

No family or friends for posting the bail,

no good in the day except getting mail.

Picture me writing these poems in jail,

closed in and trapped in emotional hell.



You speak of my temper, so surely you see,

all of the pain that was pushed onto me.

Each empty Christmas, not even a tree,

my brother and sister relying on me.

My Dad's in jail, and they're crying to me,

all of us wondering where our mother could be.



And you wonder the reasons I'm so slow to trust,

at age fifteen they seperated us.

Put us in foster homes and berated us,

so young but convinced the world hated us.

My hope of steel was fading to rust,

every time they cussed at us.



You tell me I'm wrong for not finishing school,

where I might be and what I could do.

But if you only knew what I've been through,

I can't even count the number of schools

I went to, changing each time we moved-

That's why I'm in college four years later than you.



It wasn't all bad, there were good times the same,

and I wouldn't be me if it weren't for the pain.

There couldn't be sunshine if not for the rain,

the balance has taught me to never place blame.

So I'll throw no stones, I can't wear your shoes,

I'll never pretend to understand you.

It's not up to me to judge what you do,

I mean, after all, I'm human like you.

_____________________________________________________________________





"The Eyes In The Mirror"





My thoughts more precise

my mind is now clearer,

No longer red are the eyes in the mirror.



My feelings get hard

to handle sometimes,

But at least I know these feelings are mine.



And I don't need whiskey

or beer or wine,

It's been a week and I'm feeling fine.



Still I'm not at home

or with my friends,

Will I be able to handle it then?



Who can say

surely not I,

All I know is that I must try.



What kind of life is there

for an alcoholic,

Life isn't even what I would call it.



So I try to keep my aim

on what in A.A. they said,

To stay in today- not behind or ahead.



My thoughts more precise

my mind is now clearer,

Now I can look into the eyes in the mirror.

_____________________________________________________________________




Tonight



I like to think I will not drink

ever again in my life,

And though I am sincere, I have this fear

I'll drink this very night.

I never did figure I'd have all these triggers

that make me feel insecure,

At first I knew I'd make it through

but now I'm just not sure.

So one day at a time, I focus my mind

on the future I want to make,

And line after line, I don't look behind

on the drugs I used to take.

Right now I feel meek, to alcohol weak,

what can I do but write?

Though the craving is strong, it can't last that long,

I think I'll make it through tonight.

_____________________________________________________________________




UnLovable

I woke up with no reason to get out of bed,

So I took a walk to clear my head.

The sun on the rise and dew on the grass,

I thought of my life and all that has passed.



I still feel empty and lost inside,

troubled by sadness I hardly can hide.

Disappointed with me and what I've become,

things that I've lost and wrongs that I've done.



I'm no longer young and nothing has changed,

so many loved ones that I have caused pain.

So many tears just waiting to pour,

it's hard to fight them anymore.



Maybe everyone's been right all along,

and the world will be better after I'm gone.

All I can do is cause hurt and pain,

for someone to love me would just be insane.



Simple and plain, I was destined to fail,

to overdose or rot in jail.

And as I walked with the morning sun,

shame shot through me as if by a gun.



I would not love me, I thought to myself,

I deserve to be unloved by everyone else.

And I deserve to be hated and misunderstood,

I can't do anything right or good.



I'll never be able to have someone care,

they'll all just get tired of having me there.

They'll get fed up and just give up,

like everyone I've ever loved.



All of my dreams will always be dreams,

and I will always be like everyone sees.

No one to help me and give me a chance,

I'm just unworthy of a kind gentle hand.



Scared to death that's just how it is,

that I'll never be able to overcome this.

Nobody loves me, why can't I see,

this is all I was born to be.



All my intentions and all of my hopes,

are already set up to go up in smoke.

Everyone's right, and always has been,

that's why I'm deserted by all of my friends.



I have caused such pain that can't be reversed,

I might be better to them all in a hearse.

And I'll never be more than a mistake of a friend,

a regret from the past that time cannot mend.



I have never had anyone not let me down,

since I was a child I've been pushed around.

It seems like everyone gives up on me,

they must have seen something I'm starting to see.



I look up at the sky and down at the ground,

and think of the people I have let down.

Maybe I'm worthless like everyone said,

and no one would cry with me turning up dead.



I've made 2 children with beautiful mothers,

both of them opting to be with another.

I guess to love me is only to suffer,

I'm not a good friend, father, or brother.



And I can't blame them for being responsible,

The fact of the matter is I am unlovable.



_____________________________________________________________________





So Hard To Say I Miss You



Why is it so hard to just say I miss you,

I don't mean what I said, what I meant was to kiss you.

Why do I say "not much", when you ask "what's up",

instead of "I'm lonely and missing your touch".

Casual lies and emotions disguised,

pretending I'm fine, going out with the guys.

Drinking and smoking 'til the end of the night,

when the dance floor clears and they turn up the lights.

I go home with a buzz and I fall right asleep,

too drunk to think of you and me.

I wake up still tipsy and turn over to kiss you,

But it's only me...

Why is it so hard to just say I miss you?

_____________________________________________________________________




"It Took..."



It took some time apart
to see my feelings inside,
It took me letting go
to see the things I hide.

It took me thousands of words
to show you how I feel,
To finally say the things
that should have been revealed.

It took a different touch
to know you really cared,
I guess I had my doubts
until you were not there.

It took me moving on
to wish that you'd come back,
But now my doubts have all transformed
into bitter fact.

It took my breath away
the first time you said those words,
Now I guess I see
that mine also must have hurt.

Now that I am telling you
I know my love was true,
But to make me realize,
it took me losing you.

_____________________________________________________________________




Someone Who Cares



You always wanted more from me

than I could ever give,

You tried to change the way I think

and change the way I live.



The bond will always be there

hidden, but intact,

And even though I still care

we never can go back.



The year we spent together

got harder everyday,

You wanted someone different

but I wanted you the same.



Breaking up and making up

was quickly getting old,

And you are someone else,

Someone I don't know.



So on those busy days

when you've a thousand things to do,

I hope that I roll through your mind

without you feeling blue.



And in that quiet moment

when you're surprised to find me there,

Just know despite the distance

I am still someone who cares.


_____________________________________________________________________




All poems (c)2006 David R. Davis