The Golf Lesson – A One Act Play

THE GOLF LESSON – A ONE ACT PLAY

Scene: A golf course.

Gale: I don’t know why you broght me here. You know I can’t stand golf.
Dale: The exercise will do you good, Gale. Besides it’s quite an easy game to learn.
Mind you, it’s advanced a lot since they played the first game at St Andrews.
Gale: You don’t mean to say they started this game in a church!
Dale: No, no. St Andrews Golf Course was the first in the world. The place where
golf began.
Gale: Worse luck!
Dale: Let’s get on with the game. First you’ll need your tee.
Gale: It’s a bit early for tea isn’t it?
Dale: The tee is that little plastic peg you put the ball on. Look. (Shows Gale the
tee)
Gale: Well I wish you’d say what you mean.
Dale: All right. All right. Now first you’ll need a wood.
(Gale picks up the stick)
Gale: Will this do?
Dale: No, no. The wood is a club made of wood, unless it’s a metal wood, that is.
Gale: I see. This is wood but it’s not a wood and if it’s metal it can be wood. That
makes a lot of sense.
Dale: (Handing Gale a wood) Let’s get on with the game. You hit the ball with this.
Not that end – the thick end is for hitting the ball. Now, I want you to address
the ball.
(Gale takes out a pen and starts writing on the ball)
Gale: ……23 Smithers Lane……
Dale: What are you doing?
Gale: You told me to address the ball.
Dale: When I say address the ball, I don’t mean address the ball, I mean address
the ball! Here, I’ll show you. (Demonstrates getting ready to hit the ball)
Gale: Stupid game.
Dale: Now I want to see how far you can drive the ball.
Gale: Look, I can drive a car and I can drive a truck, but how in the dickens can you
drive a ball?
Dale: I mean hit it. Hit it! Now before you hit the ball you must swing back and twist.
Gale: I see. Swing back and twist. (Gale swings the club back, drops it and then
begins dancing the Twist)
Dale: No, not that! Like this. (Demonstrates) Now put your front foot level with the
ball and hit it.
Gale: If you think I’m going to hit my foot with this great thing you’re mistaken.
Dale: Hit the ball! I meant hit the ball! And don’t forget to keep your eye on the ball.
Gale: I suppose I have to get down on my hands and knees for that. This game’s
crazy.I’m going home.
Dale: At least stay while I play this hole. I’m going to try and get a birdie.
Gale: You cruel beast! How could you hit a poor defenceless birdie with that big
club. I can’t watch. I’m going back to the car.
Dale: I give up. This is the last time I’ll ever try to teach you golf.
Gale: Stupid game. Tees, metal woods, killing birds. And from what you tell me,
you win when you get the lowest score. What sort of a game is that?
Dale: Next time we have a week to spare we must try to come back and finish the
first hole.
Gale: More like a year.