The Chase of The Grump

It was the middle of the day (at that time people call noon for some unknown reason). It was Wednesday. It was a school day…and it was raining. Nay, not raining – pouring, flooding, monsooning. Grape had finished her morning of nothingness and was huddling herself down into the comfortable yet not so comfortable carpet of Ye Olde Corridor of Onionness, when the Goddess of BrainBattle (who for the purposes of my aching arm we shall call Frusie) came striding through the door heaving 50 Classics books. She walked towards the Cheese and Onion Shelf of Grandeur and manoeuvred her arms so she could put down her library. Unfortunately at this point in time as fate would have it, a hobbit with her camping back pack on came running past, tripping over Grape and failing into Frusie, knocking her to the not so comfortable carpet along with her many versions of Homer Simpson’s Ill-Adverts and Odd-Seas.


As the dust settled on this terrible event, Grape unravelled herself from the hobbit’s backpack and brushed her clothes off before examining the scene ahead of her. At this point she felt nothing could get much worse, therefore jinxing anyone who dared to venture into the Corridor of O-Ness. Sure enough at that second, Fluff came flying through the door complete with umbrella and therefore knocking Grape to the floor once again. Silence reigned throughout the Corridor. This silence however was only to be broken by a small murmur from Fluff,
‘I’m all wet! NO! My Hair!’ Fluff jumped up pulling Grape with her. Thus follows a brief interlude in our story as Fluff dries her hair. [Pause for effect]


After Fluff’s hairdressing session was over, she and Grape hauled up the confused hobbit and her backpack, and chucked her into the Cupboard Not So Under The Stairs, along with the other previously confused hobbits. After impossible efforts at closing the door on the escaping confused hobbits, the lock finally clicked and Fluff and Grape relaxed, turning to find a pile of books on the floor in front of them. Here enters our fourth Corridor of O-Ness Roomie, Fruity. The not-so-tall, dark brown-not-black-haired girl entered the Corridor and was about to venture towards the Cheese and Onion Shelf of Grandeur when she stopped, noticing the pile of books before her.
‘Hmm..,’ she pondered, ‘That’s new.’ She was about to step around the pile of books when suddenly an arm appeared, and then another; soon an entire Frusie had appeared. Frusie stood up, brushing herself off like people do when a hobbit with a backpack and a pile of 50 classics books crushes you. Thus today’s adventure of the O-Ness Roomies begins.


‘Party Ring?’ Frusie passed the packet of sugar, sugar and more sugar filled biscuits to Fruity, who eagerly accepted, picking out an orange and white one (‘Because they are the best’) and biting into it fervently. The three other Roomies waited for the manic laughing to start and sure enough right on cue, Fruity let out a little ‘Hehehe’ from her party ring filled mouth. While Fruity’s Hehehe’s continued, the others began discussing other matter,
’So we what are we going to do for our BubbDays?’ Fluff asked, looking at Frusie.
’You could dress up in fancy dress and wonder around AmbleBamble.’ Grape put in as she watched Fruity’s continuous chuckling.
‘Oo…I like that.’ Frusie said as she stood up to get her diary out of her bag. As she did so she suddenly felt a cold chill rush through her body.
‘I just felt a cold chill rush through my body.’ She said, turning to look at her Roomies. Seconds later the others felt it too,
‘I felt it too.’ Fruity, Fluff and Grape said simultaneously. Grape stood up and looked out the window towards the dark grey clouds that were forming in the sky.
’That can only mean one thing.’ She turned to look towards the others, a look of fear on her face as she tried to form the words, ‘The Grump’s coming!’


Fruity stopped laughing and she and Fluff stood up, staring at Grape. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of lightning and a clap of thunder that shook the building. The four Roomies screamed and hundled together in fear. Suddenly Fluff’s face fell as she stared at something past Grape’s shoulder. The others saw and slowly, as if in slow motion, turned to see what she was looking at. What they saw nearly made them scream again. There, standing in the gloom at the end of the Corridor, was The Grump. Her hair was crazy, messed up, knotted and wet. Her jacket was bright purple and shone as if a warning sign to any she came near. Suddenly Frusie grabbed the other three and shouted,
‘Run!’ In a sudden panic all four Roomies turned and ran out the double doors at the end of the corridor, managing to close them before The Grump could reach them.


As they closed them, the doors slammed into The Grump’s face and she fell backwards suddenly falling flat on her back. She lay on her back confused. The other side of the doors the Roomies felt a wave of relief wash over them, as they knew their way was clear. However it was about to get much, much worse. Turning to face their way they saw before them a whole sea of Backpacking Hobbits, lining the walls. There was no way out. Suddenly quick thinking Grape came up with an idea,
‘Quick! Everyone hide! The Rat’s coming!’ The Hobbits screamed and all ran to their rooms quickly, getting jammed in the doors with their backpacks, before squeezing in and bolting the non-boltable doors behind them. The Rat was a formidable force in Nurse Zalloners Low School. She had crazy hair and manic eyes that seemed to follow you everywhere. Her obsession was socks. The Roomies’ year had famously defeated The Rat in the Sock War in their third year – An achievement that rivals their Record Number of Spillages in the classrooms at lunch (not that they ever ate inside; that would have been against the school rules!) But to every soul that entered Nurse Zalloner’s The Rat was famous for terrifying the socks off you (no pun intended). Because of this, Grape felt proud as the four Roomies ran down the now Backpacking Hobbit-free Corridor and out the doors at the end. Meanwhile, The Grump was awaking from her confuzzledness and was making her way down the corridor after them.


Now out of the Ye Olde Language’s Block, The Roomies ran towards their next hope of freedom: The Dining Room! Few of the upper years of Nurse Zalloner’s ever entered the Dining Room for fear of passing out from the overwhelming stench that radiated from the kitchens, but to our heroines, this was their only hope. Creeping in the side door, the Roomies kept low so as not to be noticed coming in the ‘illegal way.’ However their hopes of getting through unnoticed were dashed when Dot appeared. Dot was the other dinner lady other than The Grump (who if you are not aware yet is in fact a dinner lady). Yet Dot has slightly less manicness, craziness and general purple-jacketness about her and therefore is not to be feared. However she would send them out for coming in the ‘illegal way’. The Roomies needed a distraction. This distraction came in the guise of our famous little hobbits. Desperate to get her grease-covered chips, one little hobbit ran passed Dot, knocking her and her maroon wig flying. Fortunately for Dot she landed on some hobbit backpacks and therefore was not injured, not the same can be said for her wig however, which had landed in a bowl of grease and was firmly submerged beneath the surface. The Roomies now had their distraction and they continued through the Dining Room and made it out the other side without injury.


The Roomies now made their way along a corridor until they were almost at the end, when Fruity, Grape and Fluff stopped, grabbing hold of Frusie’s arm so she couldn’t continue.
‘What are you all doing?’ She asked. The others looked at each other until Grape stepped forward and spoke,
‘We can’t go this way.’ She said bluntly, looking to see if there was another way through.
‘What? Why not?’ Frusie asked again, now looking at Fluff and Fruity for any clues.
‘She lives down there.’ Fluff said, fear resonating in her voice.
‘Who?’ Fruity and Fluff exchanged glances.
‘The Little Madam.’ Frusie looked at her friends in confusion.
‘We have to find a way out,’ Grape continued as she tested walls for any signs of weakness, ‘…and quickly!’
‘Too late.’ Fluff said quietly and they all turned to watch as the door at the end of the corridor began to open.


A crack appeared which and grew until the doorway was filled with the silhouette of a small woman. The lighting outside flashed brightly and her face was illuminated for a second, causing Fruity, Fluff and Grape to jump back in shock.
‘Shiver me timbers, she’s coming our way.’ Fruity muttered quietly, looking worriedly at the others.
‘So?’ Frusie began. The others looked at her worriedly, ‘She’s not that bad.’ The three other Roomies exchanged glances.
‘We have to get out of her before she gets any worse,’ Fluff said to the other two worriedly.
‘Yes…quick in there.’ Grape pointed towards the toilet over the other side of the corridor. She, Fruity and Fluff began walked towards it but Frusie didn’t move.
‘Hey!’ She called out, ‘Miss M…’ Fruity put her hand quickly over Frusie’s mouth, while Fluff and Grape grabbed her arms and hauled her into the toilet. Fluff tied Frusie’s arms behind her back so she couldn’t escape, while Grape went and peered through the window in the door.


Outside The Little Madam was walking past the door in a brisk fashion. She stopped. Grape was still peering through the window. Suddenly, The Little Madam turned her head sharply sideways, right at the toilet door. Quickly, Grape pulled her head away and slid down underneath the window in the door. On the wall opposite, the dark silhouette of The Little Madam stared back at her. She watched it, her pulse beating faster than ever. To her fear, the silhouette began to grow and Grape knew she must be getting nearer. Above her, the light coming from the window disappeared as The Little Madam blocked it.
‘Please don’t come in. Please don’t come in.’ Grape whispered, her heart in her mouth. Round the corner Fruity and Fluff were struggling to hold Frusie down, as she thrashed her legs around as the force of The Little Madam filled through her, telling her to reveal every secret to her.


‘Miss!’ From outside in the corridor, the sound of a hobbit’s voice called out, causing The Little Madam to turn round.
‘Can I talk to you?’ The hobbit called out again. Below the window, Grape relaxed. The Little Madam had found her victim for today and they wouldn’t have to worry about her for another twenty-four hours. As the silhouette disappeared from the wall opposite, Frusie’s thrashing began to calm down and eventually stopped. The four Roomies lent against the wall, breathing out heavily.


A minute of silence passed as they got their breath back; Fruity was the first to break the silence,
‘Shiver me timbers!’ She exclaimed, staring out the door window. The others looked at her in shock and then followed her gaze out the window. Staring back at them through the glass, in the dimly lit corridor, stood The Grump! The Roomies sat there in fright, all too terrified to move. There was nowhere to run. The sound of a toilet flushing behind them didn’t even reach their ears as The Grump edged towards them, getting ever closer, nearer and nearer, until she had reached the door. Her fat, bulbous claws gripped the door handle and slowly pushed it open till her whole body was showing. An evil grin spread across her face.
‘Excuse me! What is going on here?’ The voice came from behind The Roomies and they turned round to find the shape of an OFSTED inspector facing them. Although her tightly pinned hair and half moon glasses made her look evil, The Roomies couldn’t help but feel grateful to her for saving them from the clutches of The Grump.


Fluff, Fruity, Frusie and Grape walked calmly up the stairs to the English Department, laughing and joking as they looked forward to a rest-of-lunchtime free of Grump. Sitting down on the seats at the top of the stairs Fluff pulled the Party Rings from out of her bag and passed them around the others, before taking one for herself and placing them back in her bag.
‘Tut, tut, tut.’ The sound of her voice filled their hearts with dread as they turned to find The Grump making her way up the stairs.
‘Run!’ cried Frusie, as she heaved up Fruity who was currently in the middle of yet another laughing fit. Running to their right they crashed through the English Department doors and found themselves plunged into water.
‘Shiver me timbers!’ bubbled Fruity, ‘The English Department leaked again!’