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Rated: 13+ · Other · Emotional · #1177363
Change. Life experience.
Very few people know how or why I decided to plan an escape from the comfort and stability of the life that I’d lived for so long. I think it’s important to understand that prior to this decision; I didn’t actively dislike my life in London at all. I enjoyed my job – I’d recently been promoted to Assistant Picture Editor - I was earning a thoroughly decent salary for somebody of my age and with my level of industry experience, I had savings, a light airy flat and a cat called Rosi, who loved me a great deal. I considered London a fabulous place to live, my flat was great, and so were my flatmates. Some might argue that things could not be better.

However, despite being unable to find anything to complain about, I couldn’t really find anything to enthuse about anymore either. This had been playing on my mind for a while. Life was calmly drifting by and the result was that I was beginning to feel quite stuck. I felt strangely numbed by everyday experience. In quieter moments of reflection I became increasingly concerned by the realisation that nothing much excited me in the way that had become so notorious throughout my teenage years. With this realisation came a niggling pang of guilt; knowing full well that it was spoilt and irrational for me to complain about my life. Nevertheless, I discovered quickly that I would be unable to simply extinguish the little voice in my head that was urging me to go on some kind of adventure, a new challenge; something brave, something exciting that would put an end to the ennui that had become my life before I left.

I had blindly stumbled into the startling realisation that there was a whole world functioning out there, and that relatively speaking, I knew very little about it and had experienced even less. It was as though by ignorantly existing in my tiny corner of the globe I might as well have been actually running away from so many of the adventures that this one precious life of mine had the potential to experience. Put more simply, I realised with definite resoluteness that I must finally escape the world that I knew and loved, and more particularly, I knew that I needed to do it right away. I quickly convinced myself that spending any prolonged time deliberating; weighing up the pros and cons, in that sensible and efficient manner that my wonderful - yet wholly unadventurous - mother had always taught me, would only delay my escape; perhaps even delaying it forever. Without warning, I became suffocated by the awareness that not only did I have to leave immediately; I also had to pick my destination, fast! For reasons that I couldn’t really articulate, I decided that I shouldn’t give this decision too much thought.

I glanced around the bedroom that had become so boringly familiar to me. The shelves of books that I’d had since childhood and carted around in boxes every time we’d moved house, the CDs and vinyl that I knew I’d never play again… My eyes darted around the room, this time pausing to feast my eyes upon the glossy map of the world wall poster that I’d had pinned to various bedroom walls since adolescence. I don’t know where the idea came from nor do I know whether or not I would have actually moved to say, Yemen, had the pin decided that this way my fate. At this juncture, it was simply an idea. I walked hastily across my bedroom, trampling on items of clothing and work related papers that were strewn beneath my feet, in their admittedly usual, place. I grabbed a single pin from an empty jam jar filled with pins, on the desk and made my way over to the far wall where the map of the world hung. I closed my eyes, ran my hand over the wall map blindly; it felt cold and smooth, I poised the gleaming bronze pin, ready for my attack. My heart was beating fast – I could hear it – regardless of whether I went through with this or not, I desperately wanted to know what fate wanted to decide. After manically swirling my hand blindly over the wall for approximately ten seconds, I cautiously slowed down the movement and bang! The pin had found a spot to land. I opened one eye slowly, then the other; my eyes seemed to take an eternity to focus – probably not helped by the fact that I had my face positioned so closely to the wall. My breathing was loud and wet – I could feel the damp residue of my breath on the wall ahead. I looked at where the pin had positioned itself... I still remember the moment that I slowly read the letters that formed the country of my pin’s choice. As soon as reality hit me, I felt my eyes dance and as a wide grin formed from cheek to cheek across my entire face. I was excited once again.
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