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         Tomorrow will be a year since my homeboy died. He was a good person and I loved him for his kind heart. He died in a gang shooting. My boyfriend looked at me and said", Are you okay Shadow?"
          "No", I replied. "Tomorrow is the day that Daniel died".
          I looked down. Daniel and I were like brother and sister. He was my boy. Whenever I needed him, I use to call him up on his cell phone. He would never answer his phone again. He would never open his eyes again. It was just hard for me to have someone one day and then the next they are gone. I felt like crying, but I could not afford to show weakness.
          I didn't chose my life. I live in the baddest part of the city. I go to a school where gangs run it. I see people dying in the streets everybody. I can't stand when rich people say oh I am having a bad day. I want to kick the shit out of them sometimes. They don't know what a bad day is. They need to step in my shoes one day and they see what a bad day is.
          I had to fight for who I am everyday. I had to gain respect for myself or people gonna think it is okay for them to run all over me and that ain't happening. I was suppose to get shot, not Daniel. He died, because he was at the wrong time at the wrong place. I hate myself for that. He was a good person and I will not let people think he died for nothing.
          I looked at my boyfriend and said", I am going to see Daniel. That much I owe to him".
          Without another word, I got into my car and drove to the cemetary that he was buried. I sat down next to him grave and I started crying. I had all the anger that has built inside me since he died. "Daniel", I said, sobbing. "I am sorry that you had to take the bullet that was intended for me. I miss you. You were like a brother to me. I just can't believe that it has been a year that you have been gone. I will not let nobody forget you. People think that I set you up and it wasn't that. You knew that I would never do that to you. You were my friend. Being this is gang, you always live on the edge. I remember the time that you beat this guy up. He was talking shit about me and I couldn't do nothing to him. So you went up to that guy and kick his ass".
          I laughed at that thought. It still feels like a dream. I still can't believe that he is gone. I always feel that he is going to come where I am at and tell me why was everybody being so serious. It just feels like that.
          I dried my eyes and looked at his grave. I touched it fondly and then walked towards my car. I drove home. I was there, but then I wasn't. It just seems surreal. I walked towards my bedroom and laid down. My head hurt from crying a lot. I looked at my desk and saw pictures of me and Daniel.
          I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were at a party and Daniel was drunk off his ass. He had his arm around me to steady himself. He was throwing up our gang sign. I was just smiling away. I thought it was funny.
          I stayed in my room for a couple of hours. I just put on some music and just stared at the wall until I drifted into a sleep.
          I woke up a couple hours later and it was dark outside. I didn't hear anybody downstairs. I went downstairs to get me something to eat. My mom was there making dinner. "Hey Marissa, dinner is almost ready in a couple of minutes", my mom said.
         "Mom", I whined, " I am so hungry. I could get a hippo. I haven't had anything to eat. Can't you hurry it up?"
          "No, I can't. You will have to wait. So what have you been doing all day?"
          "I went to go see Daniel grave today. It was hard for me to go there, but I thought it was the right thing to do. I really miss him mom", I said, with a sad look on my face.
          She turned and looked at me. "You went to see Daniel today. How do you feel?" she asked, feeling my head.
          I shrugged her off. "I am okay mom. Really".
          When Daniel died, I feel apart. I had stayed in bed for weeks on end. I didn't go to school. I didn't take no phone calls. Nothing. I was just a person what was there, but not really there. I can understand why she was concern about me. She didn't want me to have a break down like I did. I had learned how to deal with the pain. I have wonderful friends who helped me through the pain. I realize that I wasn't the only one that was hurting. There was some other people that was hurting as well. I didn't realize that alot of people loved him like I did.
         "Well I am glad that you are okay. I was so worried about you. I knew that the day that Daniel was coming, but I didn't think it was so close. No wonder you didn't go to school for two days. You were like that last year, but you didn't go for weeks last time. So what have you been up today beside going to Daniel grave?"
         "Nothing else mom. I was in bed and Jake came in. He got me up. So I might go to the mall. I had made a shirt for Daniel. So I am going to wear that for tomorrow", I said.
         She looked at me and smiled. "What had happen to Daniel, it was rough on all of us. I loved him like a son. I know you and him were very close".
         II looked at her and nodded. "Yes, mom we were very close. He was like a brother to me. When I needed him, he was always there. He was crazy. I know he wouldn't want me to mourn him. He wouldn't have like to see me sad. That was just the way he was", I said, with tears in my eyes.

         I got up and put my clothes on. I left my hair down today. I put on my lip liner and eye liner. I had the shirt that I made for Daniel. I had black Dickies on and I had put on my black shoes. I tucked the front of my shirt in and untuck the back. I had my belt on that says my last name. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like the bad ass I use to be. I grabbed my backpack and I went to school.
         People looked at me when I approached the school. They, I guess, don't know how to handle me now that Daniel has died. I was wild before Daniel got into the picture. Imagaine how I would be since he died. He was the one thing that had kept me out of trouble. Now that he is gone, he isn't there to hold me back.

More to come.