The Gift

“Hello Briar, happy birthday! I’ve got a present for you.”

“Oh why Tahoma, thank you very much. You shouldn’t have… nice wrapping paper.”

“…”

“…Prune juice? You gave me prune juice?”

“I thought you could use some considering your little problem.”

“You’re emptying out your pantry again aren’t you?”

“I am not! I just thought you could use some.”

“Tahoma, you hag of a dragon! You know full well I don’t like prune juice!”

“Oh nonsense, everyone loves prune juice.”

“It tastes like axel grease and it’s just as slimy!”

“Nonsense.”

“Have you ever drunk it?”

“Well, no.”

“You’re such an oversized pain.”

“Well, you don’t need to be so rude about it you bite sized snack!”

“Tahoma, what did I get you for your birthday?”

“…a pearl necklace”

“And do you know what I went through to get you that rather expensive necklace? That mermaid nearly fed me to her pet shark!”

“Well, I didn’t ask you to steal it for me!”

“I didn’t steal it! She tried to steal it from me! And what do I get in return? PRUNE JUICE! You didn’t even thank me for the dumb necklace!”

“Fine then, thank you for the necklace.”

“And to top matters off you didn’t even buy the dumb prune juice!”

“I did so!”

“There’s dust on the bottle! You wrapped up a dusty bottle of prune juice for my birthday! How long was it sitting in there?”

“I bought it for Edward when he was alive.”

“…Ed died FOUR YEARS AGO! I am NOT drinking this crap!”

“FINE! DON’T DRINK IT YOU UNGREATFUL GNOME!”

“Ungrateful? UNGREATFUL?!”

“I bust my tail everyday at my job to buy you something I thought you could use!”

“You bought this four years ago for your DEAD husband and it only cost you $3! Yeah, you worked real hard for it.”

“You know Briar, I could just eat you!”

“Now Tahoma, let’s not get carried away.”

“I was trying to be nice, but no. You had to go spit in my face over it!”

“…Tahoma…”

“I should just gobble you down! I could use a snack right about now.”

“N-now Tahoma, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes you did! You’re always so mean to me! No matter how hard I try I’m never a good enough friend to you and I’ve had it!”

“T-Tahoma, calm down now. Remember your blood pressure!”

“My blood pressure’s just fine, thank you. My stomach however is empty and wanting gnome meat!”

“Y-you don’t want to eat me. I’m all fat, not good for your heart.”

“I’m sure my system can handle a little gnome fat. I’m told it’s actually quite good for a dragon’s metabolism.”

“But who’ll scare up orcs and trolls for you to eat?”

“…hmmm you have a point there. Fine, I won’t eat you, this time.”

“Oh thank God.”

“But no more being mean to me or I will change my mind and have grilled shish-ka-gnome, got it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Now, drink your prune juice.”