For my family

The start
I want to write so much but i am not sure where to start.This was important that is why i want to create this.There is one sentense which comes to my mind that is "My life is mess".But everyone has problems and i have mine share of problems.But i have to face it and i have to deal with it and you people also have to deal with it.

I don't know where to start but it is important to me to start.For most part of my life i was trying to be someone who i am not and pretneding to people so they would like me.But now i have to came to know that it is not going to help me.I must come out to people specially you guys who mean to me most.I am exactly feeling like a teenager ans specailly as i have always been treated as teenager but you all know i am not and you have to read this.This is very important that you read this.Please put comments in the end as i want to know what you think even you don't agree with me or think i am some kind of freak(Which i know i am not

The reality

The reality is hard but it is very important to tell you.This started when in was in 8th standard.Like most guys in that era began to like opposite sex i was not feeling the same attraction towards the opposite sex.I was rather attracted to guys than girls.Shocked!!!.Yes i was attracted not opposite sex and i was never attracted to opposite sex.I had no girlfriend ever.Though i have been in relationship with guys.

This is the harsh truth which i had to hide all my life from my family and from my friends.All my life i have to pretend what i am not and try to fit in.

Why dont i have friends.Because i am diffrent and so hard i tried i never fit in.To fit in i lied.I make stories which are not true.But it never happened i never fit anywhere.I lived in isolation and i am living in isolation.

I am gay and thats the harsh truth that is what you must understand.Just don't stop here.Read all what i have written.

The struggle
struggled with my sexuality throghout my life till now.First of all i thught i was a freak.I should not feel this way.It is not natural.I always tried to think about girls and try to get attracted to them.But all
in vain.I could not be what i am not.I read books ,magzines to find answer.Is it a disease.Are there more persons like me.Or only i am like this.I began to hate myself.
I was so frustated and tensed.I do not know what to do and i cannot tell anyone in
the family.What would they think of me.Even i could not share it with my brothers.Then throgh books,magzines etc i came to know that it is normal to feel like this and i am not alone in world to feel like this there are many people who are
attracted to same sex and not opposite.Though it also stated that indian society does not accept it.I eventually accepted my sexuality.I told my mother about my sexuality when i was in 12th class.She did not understand it and got paniked.She thoght that i have a medical problem and i am impotent.I explained her that this is not the case but she did not understand.So next day i told her that what i said was not true so that she does not get tensed.I now understand backing out was a biggest mistake in my life .If i would have stuck to my words then i would have time to make her understand.

Though i accepted myself as gay person then also i did not revealed this to anyone
.I always wore a mask and acted i am like everyone else.

Who am I ?
Now you all know I am gay must have drawn some picture in your mind about me .But as I told you I am gay you must also know how I define myself.

Being gay does not mean that it is kind of sexual fetish am not only physically attracted to guys but emotionally too it was only physical it would not be a problem in first place is emotional,physical is same as a guy feels for a girl or vice versa you can't ask a heterosexual person to change the way he feels you can;t expect to change the way feel am not a teenager am a 26 year old man and I know what I am writing and it has been 12-15 years I have thought about it and no one can ask me to think it over.
The way I feel is completely naturally am build this way by god am not a robot so I cannot switch the way I feel is not considered disease by doctors.

Said that I am gay does not mean I am girlish am a regular man who just is not attracted to girls emotionally and physically don't like to dress like girls or or act like them am saying this as people tend to think that gays are feminine are but I am not one of them