*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1227605-Need-help-with-this-title-suggestions
Printer Friendly Page Tell A Friend
No ratings.
Rated: E · Poetry · Other · #1227605
I haven't decided if this is finished yet
Okay, here's the decisions I have yet to make:  1.  Is it good the way it is?  2.  Should I add the ending that you will read at the end (ending at the end, I'm risky like that)  3.  If I do add the ending should it stand alone, or should I add another verse before it?  Anyway here goes:

The clanking of the old man's cane
Against the cold, dormant concrete
Resounds through the empty buildings
But startles no one to their feet
The young, they look on past him
As if he's miles away
No one even holds the door
No one has anything to say
Is life so distant
Is it so unfortunate
This is nothing he could tell
It's just how God has portioned it
But try to find a cross
Dangling from his neck
Along with all the heads that never turn
He'll never find a speck
With every locket opened
All the pictures crammed inside
The faces of all these smiles
And all these smiles lied

The snake is coiled in the grass
The strike is strong and swift
After all the venom's run its course
The head of death can lift
And lift it shall
Upon the wings of falcons on a cliff
The speed at which the ground is hit
Could make the winds change shift
Looking deep into those eyes
Those brown and witless eyes
Shifting from side to side
Can they see his longing cries
The pain of emptiness
Drives him through the door
Death is so frightening
When there's nothing left, but more
Fishing with no net
Is said to leave so much behind
But he is falling to his tragedy
He is not losing his mind

The smash of tree limbs
Banging out their mourning
From some lonely hurricane
That every life is forming
But all those rabid leaves
Foaming at the mouth
Biting at all those flying freedoms
Migrating ungratefully south
With all these freedoms
Floating with the wind
Everything worth grabbing
Is another moment sinned
When open fingers close their grip
And everything slips through
Another sleepless beast
Is plunging forward too
In every empty grasp
There's food between its teeth
And that's when he looks around
His heart begins to seethe

Potential ending:
I can hear the clanking from the old man's cane
It seems so nearby
Everything about it scares me
What's it mean to die?

I don't know if I want this in it or not... Tell me what you think, please.
© Copyright 2007 Joshua Smith (shnickster at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1227605-Need-help-with-this-title-suggestions