A divorcee's journal

Well, it's the first day of journal writing for me, but the hundredth day of thinking about my divorce.  My husband of 35 years told me in November, 2006, that he wanted a divorce.  That did surprise me, only because I thought I was married for life.  We had been getting along just OK, and were spending more and more time apart.  I had asked him to stay home more often, give up some weekend activities and reconnect with me.  He chose just the opposite; he became more active, stayed away even more, and didn't want to reconnect.  I did figure out he was reconnecting with another woman.
I feel violated because he was a very hard man to live with...he abused me financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  I stayed for many reasons, and actually thought he was getting better.  He couldn't stay for me though, and blamed menopause, and my mother living with us as the cause of his discontentment.  Never mind the second cell phone, hushed conversations, lack of support for my family, and reckless spending...none of that was the cause for discontent-ment ...only me.
I am looking on the bright side of things...I do believe in positive thinking, karma, and being impeccable with my word....all are hard for me to accomplish at times, but I am trying.  I am too blunt, but tell the truth, am sometimes impatient, but extremely loyal to my family and friends... both of whom have rallied behind me.

I am blessed in that respect...and will come out of this a better person