Wedding

[Note: I wrote this a while ago when I was getting over someone I still wanted, but now that I am completely over him I don't know how to end it... Your reviews/suggestions would really help me]

She stood there studying herself in the mirror.

How can I look so sad on what's supposed to be the happiest day of my life?

She sighed to herself and continued to stare.  She noticed her eyes, how the
light made them twinkle. She closed them and remembered how he used to call
her Sparks because of the green flecks that shone brightly through her hazel
colored eyes.  He said they made her sparkle.  A small smile started to form
on her face. It quickly faded when she saw the reflection of the wedding
dress that lay on the bed behind her.

I shouldn't be thinking of other men on my wedding day.

But she couldn't help herself.  Everything about him made her smile.  She
remembered him vividly.  She traced the frame of his lean muscular body in
her mind, like she had done a thousand times before.  She remembered how his
muscles would contract with every feather light touch and every soft kiss
she laid upon him.  She giggled slightly when she thought of how he reacted
to her gentle touch.  She imagined him saying her name; how his beautiful
mouth formed the words she loved to hear.  How she loved to kiss him.

'I love you Sparks...You mean everything to me.... I never want to let you
go....
I love her very much.  I'm sorry, Renee'

Her frown returned instantly.  She remembered that day, that was the last
day she saw him.  After he said those five fatal words she walked out on him
and never looked back.

"I hope they're fuckin' happy" she sneered venomously.  "Well at least I am
now with some one who appreciates and loves me for me"

She sighed while she ran her fingers through her long wavy brown hair before
pulling it back into a tightly wound bun with few curly strands falling near
her face and over her ears.  Is this what she wanted? She continued to look
in the mirror questioning herself.

                                                    ----*~*----

She didn't hear him sneak in.  He stood in the doorway watching her.  He
loved her beauty; he could stare at her all day.  His heart swelled as he
looked at her in the light, how her highlights gleamed, her caramel skin
shone gold, and how the light exposed her toned curvy frame through her
sheer slip.  How he missed touching her, caressing her, smothering her soft
pouty lips with multiple kisses.  He watched her as she moved effortlessly
across the room to pick up a small trinket. She walked like she was gliding
on air. Like his angel.

                                                    ----*~*----

"Well I got the 'something old'" she said to herself.  It was the crystal
tiger that her grandmother gave her before she died.  Renee was only six
then but she remembered that her grandmother always called her Tigress.

"That’s because you’re a tough little number!! I can see that no one will ever
push around my little Tigress".  She missed her so much. I'm glad you could
be here with me grandma. I hope you're not too disappointed in me, she
sighed as she thought to herself.

"Hey, Sparks!"

The familiar voice sent shivers down her spine and warmed her heart, yet his
sudden interruption made her jump.  As she turned her head to look at him
the tiger slipped and crashed to the floor.  Before she could take in his
gorgeous slender frame dressed in a charcoal suit or see the beautiful purple
orchid in his hand, her face changed from shock to horror as she realized
that the tiger slipped from her hands. She turned her attention back to the
crystal that lay broken on the floor.  Her mouth flew open yet nothing
audible came out.  She dropped to her knees fighting back the angry tears
that so desperately wanted to escape.  She promised herself the day she
walked out on him that he would never see her cry again.  He didn't deserve
to see her exhibit any tender emotion.

He rushed to her side as she knelt there staring at the broken object
through her blurry vision.  He extended a comforting arm out to her
shoulder. She cringed at his touch and he returned the arm to his side.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean... I know how important that was to you..."
he said softly.

She sat there quietly while she his apology still hung in the air.  "Why do
you always break the things that are important to me?!" she growled
ferociously.  "Why are you here?" her voice wavered as she spoke.  She
slowly stood up and placed the largest chunk of the remaining tiger back on
the dresser.  He sat there looking at the glittery pieces that still lay
embedded in the carpet.  She couldn't look at him, she couldn't turn back,
not even to pick up the remaining pieces. She slowly walked to the window
and squinted out.  She wasn't looking for anything in particular; she just
had to contain herself.  What was he doing here?

                                                    ----*~*----

He watched her standing there staring.  He wanted to hold her; he knew she
was holding back.  He knew everything about her.  He got up and walked
cautiously until he stood right behind her.  He touched her shoulders gently
and when she tried to pull away he pulled her closer to him until she was
fully enveloped in his arms.  He could feel her trembling. He missed holding
her; she fit so perfectly, nestled in his chest.  He turned her around so
she would be facing him.  She kept her face down as he pulled her close to
him again.  He missed the smell of her hair.

                                                      ----*~*----

She missed his touch, she felt so safe in his arms.  Was it possible to love
and hate some one at the same time?  She missed his smell.  But she
couldn't look at him, she refused.  She would get lost in his crystal blue
eyes and she would let go of all of her emotions. She couldn't stop shaking
as she stood there in his arms she knew she wouldn't be able to hold back as
long as he was there.  She again tried to struggle from his grip but he
wouldn't let her go.  She gave in to him.  He gently pulled her hair away
from her ear and whispered softly inside. "I'm sorry."

Those two words unlocked the emotions she so desperately tried to contain
and her tears ran freely.  She couldn't hold them back any longer.  She knew
he was sorry for more than just the broken tiger, she knew he was
apologizing for a lot more.  She hated that he knew just how to touch her,
she hated that he knew her weaknesses.  Alexander never knew how to touch
her like he did, no one did.  She never felt this way about anyone, not even
Alex.  She never lead Alex on, she just never told him she loved him.
Whenever he would say he loved her she would say 'ditto' or 'you too'.  She
made a promise to herself to never tell some one she loved them unless she
meant it.  The man holding her caused her make that promise to herself.  He
hurt her so badly.

                                                    ----*~*----

He felt her shiver as the tears seeped from her eyes.  He hated when she
cried.  He wanted to kiss her so much and tell her everything was ok.  He
could feel her soft curves through the delicate material of her slip.  He
wanted to make love to her, like they used to every night before, until she walked
out on him, with good reason of course.  How could he let her leave like
that?  He knew that he didn't really love Jo, he just said something to hurt
her and unfortunately, it worked.  He knew they were meant for each other,
she knew everything about him, she never judged him or made him feel ashamed of himself.  But he remembered why she left him.

Why did I tell her that I loved another woman...?  It's just that we were
fighting so much and I thought Jo would give me something that Renee
wouldn't, he reasoned. Why didn't I just talk to her?

They fought nonstop that month, over the stupidest things. Sometimes it
seemed as if they were looking for something to fight about.  So he went out
to the bar just to get away and there was Jo. With her alluring green eyes,
drawing him close. She told him exactly what he wanted to hear. She gave him
exactly what he needed.

And now she's marrying someone I know she doesn't love.

He wanted to see her face, the one that he hadn't seen in over five months.
He placed his hand on her chin and attempted to lift her face to his but she
quickly turned it away while pushing herself from his embrace.

"Don't touch me" she mumbled while quickly wiping the tears from her face.
He watched her as she scurried over to the place where the rest of her tiger
lay and began picking up the smaller pieces. "So you never answered my
question" she snapped.

"What question?"

"Why are you here?"

Why am I here?!? To see you one last time, to try to get you back, to tell
you that we belong together.  To ask you how could you marry someone after
knowing them for only five months while we were together for three years?
Why haven't you answered any of my calls? Do you still love me?

"Well I heard you were having a wedding and I decided I drop by, to wish you
luck and give you a present." he said nonchalantly.  He looked for where he
put the orchid.

"You weren't invited." she shot back. If she only knew that her friend
Paige was the one who told him when the wedding was and where she would be,
he knew she would kill her.  Paige always wanted them to get back together.

"Well you know, since you are an old friend of mine...”

"Ugh, please!  You are not my friend, we are not friends any more!", she spat bitterly,
"Now, if you don't mind, I have a wedding that have to be the star of  in about
two and a half hours so, I don't have time to- Shit! Ouch!! Fuck!"

He saw her stick her finger in her mouth and then look down to examine it.
He walked over to her and knelt on the floor in front of her. "What
happened?"

"I cut myself on some stupid crystal, ok?” she stuck her finger back into her
mouth.

"Let me see..."he said coaxingly as he slowly pulled her finger from her
mouth.  She didn't look up but instead kept her eyes firmly set on her
finger.  He pulled it up to his lips and kissed it softly. "Is that better?"
He looked at her face as he did it.  He watched her bright eyes grow and
her lips part slightly with anticipation as she slowly took in air. God, how
he wanted her.

"Josh, what are you doing?" she questioned quietly while she slowly exhaled. All she needed to do was look him in the face, look him in the eyes and
she would see what he was doing.

He needed to look into her eyes even if it was for one last time.  He placed
a hand on her soft face and lifted it up. Her eyes still looked downward.
"Will you look at me?"  Her eyes stayed steady. "Please???" She slowly
lifted her eyes.

"I miss you, Sparks."

                                                      ----*~*----

"Don't call me that." she mumbled, as she snatched her finger away. She
tried to stop herself from getting lost in his eyes, that’s how she fell for
him in the first place. They were like sparkling pools of clear blue water,
and right now they held something behind them, burning passion.

"Josh, what do yo-"

"What do I want?" he interrupted.  He leaned in close to her ear, his lips
barely grazing it, and whispered "Can't you see what I want?"

She closed her eyes as he spoke in her ear. She knew what he was trying to
do but she was not going to let him, not this time...not that she didn't
want him.


                                                      ----*~*----

He leaned back and watched her while her eyes were closed, he could kiss her
right now but he wanted to wait a little longer.

"Plus," he said casually, "I came to give you a present."

"I don't need anything from you" she grumbled as she shifted into a more
comfortable position.

"Aw, baby, you don't hate me that much do you?"

"Well, actually I d-"

"Nevermind, don't answer that.  Anyways, can't I just give you something?
Don't stare a gift horse in the mouth."

"What is it? Actually, you know what? I really don't nee-" He placed a
finger on her mouth and moved his face close to hers so that their lips
would touch had it not been for his finger.

"Shhh...” he whispered, "will you just let me?"  He then moved his finger
and kissed her gently on the lips.

                                                  ----*~*----

"Josh" she said breathlessly as the kiss became more intense.  What the hell
was he doing?  What the hell was SHE doing? She was about to get married in
two and a half hours, TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!  Where was Paige when she
needed her? Why couldn't she come in and stop this? Wasn't she supposed to
help with the wedding?  I mean, she is the maid of honor. Why couldn't she
come early for a change? Why was she kissing him back?!?!?

Her mind raced, her heart raced.  It's like she was taken over by some
unseen force.  Next thing she knew she was grabbing on to the lapels of his
jacket and pulling him in closer for a more passionate kiss.  Soon their
tongues were exploring each other's mouths.  They reunited like two
dancers, entangled in a familiar dance, a perfect dance.  She could feel
his hands on her, moving down the sides of her body until they settled
comfortablely on to her hips. He then pulled her up on to his lap.  She ran her
fingers through his silky dark hair.  She loved how soft it was. She
missed so much about him.

What would Alex think if he came in and saw his wife to be straddled on
her ex's lap with the bottom of her slip puddled around his waist?  He
wouldn't like it at all that's what.  She had to stop this; she had to
remember who she was kissing.

Isn't he the one who broke your heart?  Isn't he the one who fell in love
with someone else? While you guys were still together nonetheless!?

He broke the kiss to move slowly down her jaw line then to her neck.

Ooo, what’s he doing there? ALEX!  Don't forget ALEX! Shit! How can I do
that to him?

"Shit" she whispered into his mouth when he returned for another kiss.

"What?" he questioned dreamily.

She put her hands on his broad shoulders and pushed herself off of his lap.
"I can't believe I'm doing this!" she yelled as she jumped up and started to
pace the room.

"What's wrong, baby?" he said while stumbling to get up.

"Don't call me that, either!" she began as she feverishly paced the floor
and waved her hands wildly in the air. She continued talking to herself
"Look, I don't know why you are here. Trying to ruin my life maybe? I don't
know what’s going on, finally a girl finds some stability, finds some one to
spend the rest of her life with and what does he do? He comes in here trying
to make up with her! Why is he doing this to a girl he has no feelings for?
Why is h-"

"Wait! What did you say?" he asked as he walked toward her.

"Uh...” she searched her mind, "Which part? I said a lot of things you
know."

"Oh yeah, your famous rambling sessions. Ah, I miss that...  The part you said about me not caring for you anymore.  Why the hell do you think I am here?"

"I don't know", she snapped as she headed for the door, "I've been asking
you that since you got here.  Why the FUCK are you here, Josh?!  I figured
you were here to ruin my life for the second time.  Can't you just leave me
alone?"  She opened the door, turned towards him, and gestured for him to
leave.

                                                  ----*~*----


He walked toward the door and stood in front of her.  "I am here to stop you
from making a big mistake.  I'm in love with you and I think that we belong
together.  I should've never let you go-"

"Blah, blah, blah", she interjected angrily, "Do you realize how cheesy you
sound?  Let me guess", she started mockingly, "'Well seeing as my
relationship with this bitch-' Oops! I mean "woman", I don't want to sound
to bitter now do I?  Now where was I? Oh yea, 'seeing as the relationship I
had with this "woman" didn't work out- mind you the same chick with whom I
ruined a perfectly good relationship to run off with - I have decided to go
back to reclaim my old girlfriend. Ah! How heroic of me, I am such the
romantic!! And oh, how poetic is it that I finally have the nerve to come up
to her and tell her what a big mistake I made on her wedding day?'  Give me
a break, Josh." she fired rapidly.  Her tone changed quickly as she eyed
him suspiciously. "Unless, of course you are still with her..." she
questioned slowly, "Oh that is rich!!!  That would be something else,
wouldn't it?!? Man, when did you turn into such a big dog? Wow... GET
OUT!!!" she finished as she pointed out the door.

Man when did she become such a big spaz?

Even when mad, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.  He
loved how her eyes lit up with anger.  He watched her mouth, entranced by
the way it spat out such angry words yet it still retained its beauty.  A
dazed smile crept on his face as he stared at her, but his trance was
abruptly broken when she started waving her hands in his face.

"Hello, do you hear me?" She sighed in frustration and placed her hands on
his shoulders to shake him slightly. "JOSH!!?! Do you hear me?  What is
wrong with you?"

He just stared at her. "Ugh", she sighed, "I give up on you, just leave,
you're giving me headache."  She waved a dismissing hand to him as she left
the door open and moved to the bed.  She carefully moved her dress to a
small unstable antique chair and sat on the bed, crossed her arms, and
watched him stand at the door with a stupefied look on his face.

It's your move man.  He thought to himself as he turned to look at her
staring at him from the bed.

I can't lose her again, no matter how angry she is.  At least it shows that
she still has some feelings for me. He smirked to himself.

He walked to her, stood right in front of her face, and dropped to his knees
as his arms went to either side of her body.  "Look, I'm begging you-" he
stopped to place a finger on her slightly open mouth before a sound escaped,
"Just let me finish for once.  Now I just want to know if you love him.  I
am begging you to just tell me that you love him.  Just be honest with me,
ok?"

She sat there silently and continued to stare at him rigidly.

"Ok, I'll go first", he started with a sigh as he put his hands on her
knees, "Jo and I..." he paused to take a deep breath, “Well there barely was
a Jo and I. I was with her for a total of about a week; it didn't take long
before I realized that she wasn't what I needed.  Even when we were
together, all I could do was sit and pine over you.  When I told you I loved
her, I didn't mean it I just wanted to hurt you..." he trailed off when he
noticed her face softened.

He then started to move his thumbs lightly back and forth, softly rubbing
her knees.  "You know things weren't great for us at that time, I didn't
know what was going on I just knew I had to feel good,  the only time we
would talk to each other was to fight about something else. I just..." he
paused for a second; he didn't know what to say to get her back.  He just
wanted her so badly.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" she questioned softly.

"Because I knew it would turn into another argument.  That’s all we did, I
don't know why."

"I can tell you why, that's easy." she started "I was lonely, you were
always gone on stupid business trips and the more successful you got the
less you stayed home... All I wanted was to be with you" she finished
quietly. As she looked down to study her fiddling hands in her lap.

"Why didn't you just tell me how you felt?  I would hav-" he stopped when he
noticed a tear drop from her face onto her hands.


                                                      -----*~*-----


"You would have what?" she questioned as she lifted her head to look at him.
"You wouldn't have done anything, that’s what you would have done.  All you
cared about was work.  Look, I know it's something you love and I never once
asked you to stop, you are very good at what you do.  I just thought I was
something you loved too." she stopped to wipe a tear from her eye.

"You were, you are." he responded.  He softly kissed the side of her
knees in an attempt to comfort her.

"And when you came home, it's like you weren't there.  All you would do was
go in your office and straight to your phones to make more deals that would
end up taking you away from me longer.  Everyday you were home you'd be
cooped up in your office, the only time we spent together was went you'd
bring your ass to bed to fuck me." She paused to look at his face, which
expressed extreme shock.  She then continued, "Yeah that’s right, you FUCKED
me. We didn't make love anymore!!  It was just sex. We argued because I was
sick!! I was sick of loving you with all my heart and soul while you just
trampled on them!  I was sick of trying to talk to you while you were too busy
making business deals and important calls.  I was sick of coming in second
to your job.  And I was sick of myself because no matter how hard I tried, I
couldn't stop loving you."

She felt like a weight had been lifted from her. For so long she wanted to
say those things to him.  It felt good to get it off of her chest.

"And then after all of that, for you to come home and tell me...that... you
slept with her and that you loved her ." she choked, but continued her
sentence, "You shattered my heart into a million pieces.  You made me
question why I was wasting my life on you; you obviously didn't feel the
same way about me, so I had to leave.” she sighed.  Everything was finally
out.

She watched his face as he stared at her in shock.  She noticed that his
eyes were glazed over.  She could tell that he was beating himself up over
this.  She placed her hand onto his and squeezed it softly.

"It's not all your fault, I mea-"

"Yes it is.  It's all my fault, I take full responsibility.  I chased you
away, into another man's arms."  He sighed and put his hands on her thighs,
and began to stroke them.  He then began to place soft kisses on them.  He
started at the inside of her knee and then slowly  moved  up her inner
thigh, opening her legs and taking up the bottom of her slip as he
progressed higher.

She bit her lower lip as his warm mouth moved gently up her thigh and ran
her fingers through his hair.

His tongue reached her panties.  He ran it across the increasingly wet cloth
and continued his slow journey down the other leg.  When he got to her knee
he looked up into her eyes. "I love you and I don't want you to marry this
guy, but if you love him I will leave you alone.  Just tell me that you love
him."

                                                        -----*~*-----


She stared at him for what seemed like forever.

"I can't do that." she finally answered hesitantly.

He sat back on his feet with a frustrated sigh. “Why not?" he asked softly,
trying to disguise the waver in his voice.

"Look.", she said on the verge of tears, “I just can't, I'm sorry."

He stood up and looked down at her, her head lowered in shame and/or
embarrassment.  "Do you love him?"

"Uh..." she put her hand on her mouth and averted her eyes to the wall next
to her and thought.  She didn't want to say anything; she didn't know what to say at all.  She cared about Alex a lot, but did she love him?

"Well, do you?" he asked, slightly angry.

She had to say what was right.  For her and for him, she had to tell the
truth.

"I... well...yes.  Yes, I do love him."

Why did she lie?


                                                        -----*~*-----


Her words shot him like arrows through his heart.

"Oh... well... I see" he said, obviously wounded, "I guess I waited too
long."  He turned around and headed for the door when he noticed something
purple out of the corner of his eye.

It was the orchid he bought for her laying on the floor.  He picked it up
and stared at it, then turned around to look at her.  She sat on the bed,
her hands bundled into fists, biting her lip and looking straight at him,
holding back tears.  He slowly walked to her and placed it into her lap.

"Well I still want to give you this and I want to wish you good luck.  May he
make you happier than I made you" he then made his way for the door.


                                                        -----*~*-----


She slowly picked up the flower and noticed the sparkling stem.  He had
twisted a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet around it.

She sighed at its beauty, why was he doing this to her?

It's hard getting over someone you love.  She watched him walk out of the
door and forever out of her life....

She shook her head.  Could she possibly let him out of her life again?
Forever?

"Wait!" she uttered before her mind could put together a comprehensive
thought.  He promptly turned toward her, his azure eyes staring her down.

She sat there with her mouth open, shocked at what she just did.  She tried
to speak but her lips could not put together a single word.

He stood there staring at her, just as shocked as she was.

She hastily put the flower down next to her and made her way towards him.
With every step her heart quickened.

She stopped right in front of him, breathing deep and hard. She put her arm
out and moved it past his side and closed the door behind him.  Then she slowly
looked into his eyes.  Her heart pounding she grabbed the back of his neck
and pulled him in for a hungry kiss.