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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1241351-The-Creek-Revision-1
Rated: E · Other · Children's · #1241351
I've made some revisions and would like some honest feedback before I go on.
The Creek




Alone on a swing, small hands clutched the rusty chains while the toe of a dirty sneaker drew crop circles in the dirt.  With tears in her eyes, Victoria watched the other children laugh and play as if she didn’t exist.  Even her best friend, Jenny, busy with the construction of a mighty fortress in a nearby sandbox, never glanced in her direction.  Victoria’s lower lip trembled as she thought, Why won’t she talk to me? Swiping angry tears from her long lashed eyes, she jumped to her feet and shoved the swing.  She never noticed Jenny glance up, brows knit in confusion, as the swing soared into the afternoon sky, plummeting back towards the earth only after reaching its zenith with a metallic clank of chains.

--

Victoria dragged her feet along the cracked sidewalk.  Long blonde hair tented her eyes as she bowed her head and her small hands were thrust in her jean pockets.  She meandered towards the creek that bordered the playground, kicking every pebble in her path not quite making a game out of it.  She replayed the last couple of days in her mind trying desperately to remember what she had done that was so horrible that it caused all of her friends to turn their backs on her.

Images formed in her mind little by little, but still they eluded her.

Let’s see.  Ranger and I played ball in the backyard after school.  I heard mom calling me for dinner.  My belly growled when I ran into the kitchen and smelled juicy burgers and macaroni and cheese.  Oh, and I had a bowl of vanilla ice cream for desert.  Mmmmmmm, my favorite!  Mom asked about my day while I cleared the dishes from the table.  I told her that I got a “B” on my spelling quiz and...

Deep in thought, she counted off each memory on her fingers hoping that the sum of them would add up.

Wait!  Maybe that’s it.  Jenny wanted to cheat off of me and I wouldn’t let her so she got mad.  Victoria sighed with exasperation.  But that can’t be it because we made up at recess.  So what could it be?

Shoot!  Ok, so we talked about my day and then I ran back outside to play some more before I had to finish my homework and get ready for bed.  Ranger wasn’t in the yard or in his dog house.  I called for him, but he didn’t come.  Daddy drove me around the neighborhood for FOREVER looking for him.  I never did finish my homework and I cried myself to sleep while mom stroked my hair.

Ranger still wasn’t home when I got up the next morning so I looked for him myself.  None of the neighbors saw him.  I even looked in that yucky old shack behind old Mrs. Willard’s where the older kids go to drink beer and smoke cigarettes.  If Daddy ever knew about
that, I’d be in big trouble!  But I just had to find him. So, I went to the shack and then, then...

--

As she neared the creek the sun which was bright only a moment before began to dim. Shadows, cast by the tall silent trees lining the creek, closed in on her.  Although it was warm, Victoria shivered.  Something was nagging her.  Her fleeting thoughts floated away like a puff of smoke as the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on end.  Victoria stopped and looked around.  The index finger of her right hand still touched the third finger of her left, holding her place, forgotten.  She stood near a small outcropping of rocks surrounded by underbrush.  A memory was trying to surface but she just couldn’t seem to bring it forth. 

A tidal wave of fear washed over her, threatening to cut off her breath while her heart pounded in her ears, trying to escape confinement.  She sprinted down the sidewalk until she burst into the bright spring day once more.  A twig snapped in her wake and Victoria screamed in terror.  She spun around, nearly losing her balance, and raised her arms to ward off her attacker.  When she realized that no madman was behind her, she slowed to a stop, lowered her arms and looked around.  Finally, she spied what had startled her and, feeling a little silly, began to giggle. 

A doe stood nearby nibbling the tall grass at the edge of the tree line while its small perky tail flicked at pesky flies.  With a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her giggles, she stood as still as a statue, not wanting to startle the graceful animal with the big brown eyes. 

Victoria watched the doe while catching her breath.  Slowly, she inched her way towards the deer with her hand outstretched trying to get close enough to pet it.  The doe continued its afternoon meal, seemingly unafraid of the little girl.  But just before Victoria could get close enough, the doe trotted deeper into the thicket where Victoria dared not venture.  Sighing and shrugging her shoulders, she turned and continued on.

As she made her way home, she wondered why she had become so afraid of the creek in the first place.  I just got the willies.  That’s all, she thought.  Like when mom asks me to go into the cellar to get something out of the freezer for dinner.  She shuddered involuntarily, thinking of imaginary spiders.

--

Victoria rounded the corner onto her street and her family’s quaint Cape Cod came into view.  Shrubs bordered the small yard and roses of every hue climbed the trellis at the side of the house.  The white swing where she liked to read swayed in the breeze on one side of the porch while her mother’s wicker furniture graced the other.  She could picture the dog house with “Ranger” stenciled above its door waiting in the back yard.  She tried not to think of him as she climbed the stairs leading to the front door.

“Mom,” she called as she went in, “I’m home.”  She could hear banging and muttering in the kitchen.  Curious as to what her mother was doing in there, she considered investigating but continued up the stairs to her room instead. 

Victoria loved her room.  It had white walls and was decorated in cheery pastels.  Her small bed was covered with a patchwork quilt her grandmother made while she was still a baby and a stuffed rabbit was propped against her pillow.  The thing she loved most about the room was a window seat that looked out over the back yard.  She would sit there for hours reading or just gazing out into the trees and watching her puppy play on the back lawn.  Thinking of Ranger made Victoria sad again.  She picked up the rabbit and, toying with the pink bow around its neck, sat Indian style in the center of the bed.

Feeling sorry for herself and trying not to cry again, she thought she heard a dog barking near by.  Victoria gasped as her eyes shot towards the window.  No!  It couldn’t be, she thought as she heard the bark again.  Tossing the rabbit aside, Victoria ran to the window and laughed with excitement.  Ranger was running around his little dog house barking as if he was trying to get her attention.  “Ranger, you’re back!  You’re back!” she cried and ran out of the room and down the stairs as fast as she could, slamming the front door behind her.

--

“Honey, is that you?” Victoria’s mother asked as she walked into the front entrance but no one was there.  “Frank?” 

Funny, she thought, I could’ve sworn I heard a door.

She glanced up at the top of the stairs and noticed the door to her daughter’s room was open.  She dabbed her eyes with the tea towel she was holding and, sighing as if her heart would break, ascended to the second floor.

She peeked into her daughter’s room, which was as neat as Victoria left it every morning, and smiled as she thought of her little girl.  But then she saw the small depression in the center of the bed and the rabbit lying beside it; her smile faltered.  She could smell just a hint of honeysuckle as she inched towards the bed and reached out to gently caress the cooling area.  Tears trailed unhindered down her cheeks as she resumed the weeping that had plagued her ever since the body of her little girl and her puppy were found by the side of the creek a week ago.

In the distance, almost like a whisper, Victoria’s mother could hear a little girl’s giggling and the excited yapping of a small puppy as they played.  And she smiled through bitter sweet tears.
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