Blair's Hell

My name is Blair
I'm only four,
And today I watched my dad
Walk out the door.
He kissed my forehead;
Then bade me goodbye;
Told me to think of him
When I look into the sky.
I am very lost,
And oh so confused.
Why would he do this?
I feel so used.
Dylan is only a baby,
He won't understand;
Why his father isn't there,
To help him, to hold his hand.
Something inside is hurting,
I'm not really sure why,
But when I see his face,
I break down and cry.
It's not fair at all,
Is what Mommy said,
But what I think she means
Is that inside she's dead.
A big part of my life
Is now gone, taken flight.
I'll never be the same,
Some part of us will never be right.
And when I look back
On all this confusing pain,
Will daddy still regard us
With civil disdain?
I can't remember the last time
I felt so much like this.
And deep down,
I know there's something amiss.
Mommy tells us we should be strong,
But inside I know she hurts, too.
Mommy says it doesn't bother her.
Mommy's words are untrue.
My name is Muse,
And I'm broken.
So many of his words,
His broken words left unspoken.
I am his daughter,
His light in the dark,
But now I'm nothing more
Than a girl without a halo or harp.
I used to think
That Daddy cared,
But I had forgotten
His empty stare.
I don't know what's right,
I don't know what's wrong;
All I have now,
Is a dragon's song.
I'll try to be good,
And hope it'll be alright,
Cause I know if I am good,
He'll come back to us tonight.
My hand grasps my chest
As my heart begins to hurt,
Where are you Daddy?
You left us at Dylan's birth.
Muse we are,
Muse we'll be.
Maybe you left us,
With love we cannot see.
These wounds of heart,
Wounds of mind,
Together with hurt
We will bind.
Only bound to what
Now hurts us not,
Without your memories,
I forgot.
I thought you loved us,
I thought you cared,
But when you left,
You took your stares.
It's not right,
It's not fair,
That I now hide my face
Behind a curtain of hair.
Everytime I think,
Everything I do,
Daddy, it's all a reminder,
Reminders of you.
Remind me that you love me,
Remind me that you care;
Then maybe I'll see my eyes again
In your blackened stare.
Why did you run away?
Why did you leave?
Selfish intentions perhaps?
Or was it fear that made you flee?
What did you fear Daddy?
I don't understand.
Why aren't you here Daddy?
I can no longer feel your hand.
Where did the warmth go?
Where is all the light?
Why did it leave us, Daddy?
Why did it take flight?
Everytime I think,
And in everything I do,
You're there with me,
To help me catch what I pursue.
But in my life,
I'll have no father,
Nothing more than a memory;
So why do I bother?
I think that you'll come back
If Dylan and I are good,
Mommy doesn't think so,
You left the place where you stood.
Mommy hurts deeply,
Though never will she cry;
She'll be strong for us,
So that on the inside we don't die.
I'm happy Mommy's still here,
But where did you run?
Why can't I be like other children
With my Daddy having fun?
Did you begin to hate us Daddy?
Did you hurt when you saw me?
Are you running away
Simply to be free?
I'm sorry daddy,
I'll try to be better,
I'm sorry that you can't love us,
Please, for Mommy, come back for her.
I can't understand,
And for that I'm sorry.
But I can't look at the night sky for you,
It's black sky so starry.
It reminds me of what I've lost,
Reminds me of what I can't have back;
What did I even lose?
Why did your heart turn so black?
I'm lost without you, Daddy.
I can't find my way out,
I can't speak to anyone,
Nor can I shout.
This is hurting, why did you leave?
Why am I tearing myself apart?
Why am I locking myself up inside?
It's because I held no place in your heart.
I reach out for someone
But no one reaches back,
I can't find my way out,
This place is all too black.
I am in a prison,
Of walls made of hate,
Detest runs rampant,
Could this really be my fate?
Everytime I think,
Everything I do,
There you are Daddy,
Standing in a position true.
But you're not really there,
Not there at all,
There's no one to help me
As I fall.
Where did you go?
And why did you run?
And with you,
Why did you take the sun?
I can't see what you saw,
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect,
I can't be what you want me to be,
Cause inside I'm a complete wreck.
Everything I did,
Every thought I thought,
It wasn't anything at all,
Nothing I sought.
Everytime I cry
And everytime I hurt,
I'll try to hold back the tears,
With the sleeves of my shirt.
You're gone, faded.
Nothing but memories remain,
And studded tears upon my heart,
Those memories will stain.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
Simply because I cannot make thing right.
I'm sorry Daddy.
But now I must say goodnight.
Cause you're gone now,
And no one is left to guide me.
Except for maybe Mommy, but she can't.
Because through her tears she cannot see.
Goodnight Daddy.
Maybe tonight, I'll look up at the sky,
And see your face;
And silently, to sleep, I will cry.