why do i do this

i cant do this any more i cant hide my self and hope that every thing will be ok.
i wish that i had some one that would hold me in there arms and just leve me cry.
cry because i need to.
cry because i havent really cried for my own cause since i was a child.
cry because i havnt alowed my self to cry. i refused to alow my self the one pleaser of being a woman. the ability to cry freely.
to be held because it is my turn to be held and not me holding you because you need it more than you think that i do.
why do i always need to protect others. when i am with you i feel that i need to
protect you becaue you are so fragial and i am so solid on the out side but in all reaality i am soft and i am just showing you just how much i care about you if i protect you.
but you dont want protcetion. you think that i am sumthering you.
i am not trying to i just want to show you how much i care and i guess that is my nateral way of doing so.
i need to be held and i am afriad that my time is running thin.
i have asked many but i always end up holding them and not them holding me.
well i guess i just ask to much but one day i will need it more than they will and they will realize what it really was that i was asking them this whole time.