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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1307370-The-Valanar-Heritage
Rated: E · Sample · Fantasy · #1307370
Just looking for some critique on it.
Pulling off his dragon-scaled gauntlets, Raeldun unhooked one of the leather straps that attached his porcelain mask to the dome-shaped helmet he wore.  It was a mask that covered the lower half of the face, molded to his nose and lips, with holes cut out for air.  Raising his leather flask to his lips, Raeldun took a few gulps of water before recapping his flask and tucking it back into his pack.
         The sun was almost setting on the horizon of trees.  Purple-pink light cast faint shadows all around Raeldun and the others. 
         They were setting up camp.  Already there were a few tents set up in this small clearing in the midst of the Aglarnath forest.  Thick pine surrounded them on all sides.  One of the Sun Guards was already preparing a fire with small chips of kindling set in a stone ring.
         Six Sun Guards had come along on this little journey, including Raeldun himself.  One of his nearest friends in the guards, Rhzzh, had grown up in these forests for most of his life.
         ”Rhzzh, you think you’re going to catch something?”  mentioned Raeldun with a smile as he saw Rhzzh pulling out his detached fishing rod.
         Rhzzh had already taken off his lower face mask made of hard porcelain, and his helmet.  Part of the uniform of the Sun Guard.  Rhzzh grinned up at him, his face was tanned and he had light brown hair that was curly and fell to his shoulders.  He had blue eyes that seemed almost gray.
         ”You’ve finished scouting the area already?”  Rhzzh said with a laugh.  ”No signs of danger?”
         ”I doubt much of anything could find us in these woods.”  said Raeldun.  ”But I did notice a few ponds not far from here, is that where you’re headed?  Or do you know of some other place around here to fish at?”
         Raeldun patted the head of the riken that sat next to him.  He still needed to unharness the bridle on her.  She was hairless, with reptilian skin, and a long snout.  He had undone the armor plating that was attached to her legs and sides.
         Rhzzh was busy at putting his rod together.
         ”What is there to catch around here?”  asked Raeldun.
         ”Vellfish I think.  Just around the ponds close to here.  You others can take care of camp right?”  replied Rhzzh.
         Raeldun took a glance at the other guards.  Most had taken their armor off.  Hiking all day through these forests wasn’t easy.  Donned in their uniforms all day long, Raeldun really couldn’t blame them for taking off their armor as soon as the camp was being set up.
         Raeldun nodded to Rhzzh.  This was more home to him than anyone else here, and Raeldun could notice the eagerness is in eyes to be fishing.
         Once Rhzzh had the fishing line untangled and the rods connected, he took off, leaving most of his belongings but taking his sword with him.  Sun Guards were trained to always be cautious, something that came by second nature.
         Even with their rigid armor that they wore most days, the Sun Guards were knights told in stories.  There were stories sung of by bards that mentioned how unnerving the presence of the Sun Guard on the battle field was.  Seeing an expressionless masked knight riding towards you with grim determination could strike fear into anyone.
         Hearing the sound of approaching footsteps behind him, Raeldun craned his neck and looked behind himself.
         Eureon, Prince of Vsalar came walking up next to Raeldun, accompanied by a couple of Sun Guards still decked out in armor and mask.
         ”How’s the maiden?” asked Raeldun. 
         Eureon had the look of nobility, the perfect features, stunning blue eyes, and a blondish-brown hair that he had just recently had cut to a short trim. 
         ”Yana?  The other girls are with her.  I have a few of the guards posted around their little spot, shouldn’t be any problem.”  said Eureon.  He wore an elegant, gold embroidered cloak, with an embroidered tunic and black boots with his green trousers tucked into his boots.
         The Sun Guard existed because of him, Eureon.  Or rather, because of his heritage.  An elite system of guards trained to protect the royal family.  Yana and Eureon, it was well-known were two lovers, even though Yana was not of any real royal heritage.
         ”Any word yet from Fintore?” asked Eureon, as he looked at the others preparing their camp.
         ”Still awaiting word from him, the scouts I sent ahead haven’t returned yet.  If there’s anything that unsettles me about this trip, that would be it.” said Raeldun.
         ”Well, I want to thank you for all your help.  Yana’s father was so concerned for her safety, he just insisted that we bring who would could to Fintore’s hold.  I don’t know about all this trouble that is brewing, but several attacks from an unknown person have been made against Vsalar.” explained Eureon.  Then he paused a second to take a closer look at Raeldun.  ”Where is it you come from Raeldun?”
         ”Ima Kale.” answered Raeldun.
         ”Ah, you are Ima Kalian.”  Eureon replied.
         
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1307370-The-Valanar-Heritage