A Pair of Pants

A Pair of Pants
By DNC Stevens
Copyright 2007 DNC Stevens

They are making me write this stupid thing.  It’s those people out there.  They say I have to write down everything that happened.

I needed a pair of pants because I was out of all my good pants and I just went to the store and bought a pair of pants and that’s it.  THE END.

Then I had to come here and write this.

I have to admit that I’m pretty tired.  It’s been a very long day for me.  I have had a lot to do!  It’s not that I wanted to be awake all this time.  It’s that I had to.  I’m sure you’ve had that happen before where you had to do a lot of stuff.  Well, that’s how this day was.

Well, actually it has been two days.  Now that I’m writing this I remember.  I forgot that I didn’t go to bed last night. 

But I didn’t have time to go to bed!  Does that ever happen to you?  I had to read this story about a lady in a room and there was all this wallpaper.  She kept seeing different patterns in it.  She had to be kept in this room upstairs in the house because her husband was really worried because she was so sick. 

I had to read this story about the wallpaper for my English class.  And I usually don’t like my English class because we talk about boring stuff in there.  Like once we talked about this story about this kid on a raft in a river.  That went on for days.  My English teacher said it was a great book, but I didn’t think so. 

I didn’t think it was great because of one of the guys in the book was a slave and it kept calling him Nigger.  That’s a bad word.  You shouldn’t call people that.  Even in a story. 

But this story about this lady with the wallpaper was different.  I could really understand this lady.  Everyone thought she was sick, but she didn’t really feel sick.  And she kept wondering why everyone was making such a big deal about it.

Like sometimes I can’t go to sleep.  That’s all.  I just can’t.  And my mom and dad make such a big deal out of it.  But I’m 14.  I know when I have to go to sleep.  It’s not like I’m 6 or something and just want to stay up and watch TV.  I have so many things that I need to do!

Like I had to have a new pair of pants.  I was doing my laundry and I realized that all of my pants were SO last year.  I just didn’t want to be out of style, you know?  Because if you are out of style you will have less confidence.  If you have less confidence you won’t do good in school.  If you don’t do good in school you won’t get a good job.  If you don’t get a good job you will be poor.

Now what’s wrong with buying a pair of pants? 

And I had to have them.  They were pants that fit me.  That’s hard to find because I have long legs and I’m pretty small.  I’m like a size 1.  But everywhere I go it’s hard to find a size 1 with 32 inch legs.  I told you I have long legs.

So I went to Aebercrombie and Fitch and there they were.  I tried them on and they actually fit me.  That hardly ever happens!  So I took them to the counter to buy them.  That’s it!  Anybody would do that.  And even though I had a credit card and everything they just started shuffling around and looking at me funny. 

And then they took the credit card away!  Like it was their property or something.  It’s not.  It’s my dad’s property and I can’t believe they just took it away. 

All this for a pair of pants. 

And have you ever though about why they call it a pair of pants?  It’s not a pair at all.  It’s one thing.  But it has two legs.  Two different legs on one thing and that somehow gets call a pair.  That makes no sense.

But anyway since they want me to write everything, I will.  So I finished that story about the lady with the wallpaper and it was so interesting that I just kept thinking about it.  And it was Friday night anyway and not Sunday like it is now.  Oh.  I have to go to school tomorrow.  I wonder if they will let me out of here to go to school?  I actually WANT to go to English class now.  I want to talk about the wallpaper story.

Like was that lady really sick?  I don’t think so.  I just think her husband wanted her to be in that room so that she wouldn’t take drugs or whatever.  But that’s not right to keep someone in a room just for that.  He even put bars on the window!  That’s against the law!

Anyway, I was just doing my laundry and I think it was the morning by that time because I could hear other people moving around upstairs.  And that’s when I realized I needed some pants. 

But I don’t have any money.  How can I have any money?  I’m 14 and that’s too young to have a job.  I thought you could go to McDonald’s and get a job, but when I went there they said you have to be 15.  That’s just so dumb.

And yeah, I could babysit.  That’s what my mom says all the time.  But I’m too old to babysit.  Babies are pretty gross.  And anyway the last time I went babysitting I was watching this little baby for these people that live in the apartments over on Main Street.  And so I put the baby to bed and then I was so tired I fell asleep too. 

But I was SO tired that I didn’t even wake up when they came home.  When I woke up they were kind of shaking me and the baby was crying and he was messy and they were so mad that they only paid me 2 dollars.

If I’m only going to get 2 dollars for a whole night of babysitting, then why in the world would I want to do it?

So anyway, I didn’t have any money and I had to have some new clothes.  I know my dad has this credit card that he buys stuff with, so I just thought I could use it too.  So I went in his room and took it out of his wallet while he was out running.  He runs every day.  He’s really good at it.  I get my long legs from him.

Anyway, I am just dying to get to the mall after I have his card and so I tell my mom I’m going to ride my bike for a while.  But this is a lot later and it’s after dinner, so she says to please be home soon.  But I don’t tell her I’m going to the mall.  She wouldn’t understand about dad’s card and all, and so just to make it easy for her I won’t tell her I’m going to get some pants.  She wouldn’t want to know anyway.

But it is so hard to find pants for me!  I went to Hollister, PacSun, Aeropostale, Old Navy and of course I already told you about Aebercrombie and Fitch.  And none of these places had pants the right size, but I did find some cute shirts and shoes.  So I got some of those.  And I also got a really cute hoodie from Hollister. 

But it doesn’t make any sense to me that no one has pants my size.  I keep saying I am a size 1, but people look at me funny.  So I would just go and get shirts.  One lady said I should try a size 4, but there is no way I’m even going to put a size 4 on.  I’m a 1!  Even trying a size 4 would be a waste of time.

I was kind of excited because I had like 6 bags of shirts and shoes and other stuff, and I wanted to go home and put them away, but I had to have a pair of pants.

Then all of a sudden I saw these jeans at Aebercrombie and Fitch and the were size 1 with 32 legs.  I couldn’t believe it.  So it was almost time to close and I just didn’t have time to try them on.  So I just took them to the register.  And this old guy was there at the register.  He wasn’t cool.  At all the other stores I got to talk to cool people who were more my age.  They took my dad’s card and didn’t even ask me about it.  They just let me write my name.

But this guy was old.  And he wasn’t hot.  Not like other people at Aebercrombie and Fitch.  Everyone who works there is hot.  Maybe he was the owner or something.  He was not hot.

So it didn’t make sense to me that he was there.  But anyway, he took the credit card and wouldn’t give it back!  He was making me very angry.  I called him some names that I knew I shouldn’t have said, but he took my dad’s card!  It’s not even his card and he wouldn’t give it back.

Well then these police guys came around and started talking to me about my clothes and I told them I got them today because I was out of clothes.  Which wasn’t quite true because I really do have clothes, but how could they know that?  But then they said I had to go with them back home, and they did take me there. 

My dad wasn’t mad though.  That was weird.  Neither was my mom.  They were just hugging me and stuff.  And then they took me to the hospital and now here I am.  But it doesn’t make sense why you would take someone who wanted to go shopping to the hospital.  Does that make sense to you?

A lot of things like that make no sense to me.  Like how can I be so awake right now writing this when just last week I had to sleep like 20 hours?  I was so tired that even when I got up I couldn’t even talk to my mom.  She kept asking me questions like whether I was all right.  And of course I’m all right!  I’m just tired.  Everybody gets tired!

But then I had to go right back to bed.  I was so beat!  I think I slept another 20 hours after that too, but I just had to.  I kind of slept a lot and everyone made a big deal about it, but that’s what I mean about not making sense!

But that’s all.  I don’t want to write anymore.  I’m pretty tired now.  I want to go home and go to bed but there’s people out in the other room and they won’t let me go.  They say I have to write this down. 

They say I might have a bipolar with rapid cycle or something like that.  They say I have depression and mania.  Someone said something about how mania is when you feel too happy and you go out and do stuff you shouldn’t do because you’re too happy.  But then they say that depression is when you are too sad and you don’t do anything. 

Well how can you be too happy and too sad?  That makes no sense. 

Like the pair of pants.  How can you call one thing a pair?