Blue

BLUE

12:47 a.m.

        “Night falls, I fall, and where were you…where were you?  Warm skin…Wolf grin.  And where were you?  I fell into the moon, and it covered you in blue…”  Kim, a young girl of only eighteen years with long, dark auburn hair, and bright blue eyes, who was wearing a pair of white sweat shorts and a tight black shirt with a picture of Orgy on it, was sitting in her room like she did every night, smoking a cigarette, like she did every night, watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer, like she did every night, and playing around with her laptop, like she did every night.  The Buffy episode was called “Conversations with Dead People.”  It was one of her favorites.  And Angie Hart was on the TV screen singing the song that Joss Whedon wrote specifically for that episode.
           
       

12:56 a.m.

        She was now lying in bed, still watching Buffy, writing a new story.  And of course, she was writing the same boring crap that she always did.  A story about a girl that was sad, and alone, and thought that the world be better without her in it.  She really needed some sort of inspiration.  This writing was just not doing it anymore. 
        Kim finished her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray that she made out of an old candle holder.  She wasn’t supposed to smoke in the house.  This is why she didn’t have a real ashtray in her room. 

1:07 a.m.

BRRRRING  The phone was ringing.  Who in thehell is calling the house at one o’clock in the morning?  Kim thought to herself as she crawled out of bed.  She was always very worried when someone called late at night.  Everyone knew NEVER to call past nine o’clock at night.  She opened her door and walked down the hall.  She picked up the phone at the same time her mother, Lisa, did. 
        The man on the other end of the line was sobbing so hard that she could barely understand his words.  The two that she did manage to make out were, Josh and collapsed.  She couldn’t understand anything else.  When she heard this, she put the phone down and ran down the hall to her parents’ bedroom.  “Mommy!  What’s going on?  I heard, but I don’t know what I heard.”  Her mother came to the door.  “Josh’s heart collapsed.” She told Kim. 
Josh, Kim’s sixteen-year-old cousin had just injured his knee maybe two weeks before, and was doing fine.  Or so they had all thought.  “What?  He’s okay, right?  He’s going to be okay, right?  I mean…they…they’re going to be able to…mommy, is he going to be alright?”  Kim asked her mother with a touch of panic in her voice.  “He’s dead!”  Her dad, Joey, yelled out from the bedroom.  “Oh god!” Kim yelled.  “No, there’s still hope.  It’s just, right now, he’s not…living.” Lisa’s voice was cracking.  She was trying not to cry.  She still had hope.  Kim, on the other hand, lived her life on the pessimistic side.  And she immediately thought the worst. 
Kim didn’t cry though.  She walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her.  She couldn’t do anything.  She felt as if at that very moment, all of the air had been ripped from her lungs.  She didn’t know how to react.  She picked up her cell phone, but she didn’t know who to call.  So she gently laid the phone down.  She didn’t know if she should ask questions, or just be quiet.  Buffy was still on her TV, and she didn’t even notice.  Her parents were going to Josh’s house across the street, and Kim didn’t know if she should go with.  She just didn’t understand. 
Finally, she started crying.  She started shaking, and hyperventilating.  She picked her phone up again.  And this time, she pressed the number five, and then pressed the call button.  “Hello?” A groggy voice came from the other end of the phone after it rang a couple of times.  “Kory?” Kim was sobbing.  And Kory, her boyfriend, couldn’t understand anything she was saying.  “Kim!  What’s wrong?” He asked.
“I don’t know.  I just…I don’t know.” Kim replied, still crying.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.  His heart.  And my uncle Tony called.  And mommy answered, and so did I…And I heard, but I didn’t understand.  And I still don’t understand.  And I…I just…I just don’t know.”
“Kim, what don’t you know?”
“What’s happening.”
“Kim, listen to me.  I’m going to get dressed, and then I’m going down stairs.  Can you hold on for a minute?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
        Kim closed her Sony Erickson flip phone and remembered something.  Her sister, Kayla.  She was asleep in the room next to Kim’s.  There was so much going on that everyone had forgotten to wake Kayla up and tell her what was happening.  It was a surprise that she didn’t awake with all of the chaos going on in the house. 
Kim opened her bedroom door.  Her parents were already across the street.  She went outside to smoke a cigarette and calm down a bit.  Thoughts were racing through her head.  She was trying not to think though.  She wanted to calm down before she told Kayla. 
When she walked back inside, she walked into Kayla’s room and turned the light on.  “Kayla, sweetheart, wake up.”  Kim sat down on Kayla’s bed and shook her a bit to wake her.  “What?”  Kayla asked.  She was a tall girl, and only thirteen.  She was sleeping in her green pajama pants, and a small, black sweater, with her hair in braided pigtails.  She looked adorable.  “You need to sit up Kayla.”  Kim managed to say.  Kayla just stared at her sister as she sat up.  She knew by the tone of Kim’s voice that something was wrong.  “Kayla, there’s something I need to tell you, about Josh.” Kim told her while softly crying.  “What about him?  Is his leg okay?” Kayla asked her sister.  “Uhm…something happened.  His heart collapsed, and he’s not breathing.  He’s technically…dead.”  Kim felt another panic attack coming on.  But she tried her hardest to hold it in.  She didn’t want her sweet Kayla to worry any more than she already was.  “What?  No!” Kayla burst into tears and threw her arms around her sister.  “Wait, Kayla.  He’s going to be okay.  There is an ambulance out there right now.  They are trying to bring him back.  Mommy says that there is still hope.  She said that—“ Kim stopped.  She heard her phone ringing.  “So can you come, and make them disappear?  Make them disappear so we can-“  She jumped up and ran into her room.  “Hello?” She answered.  It was Kory.  He asked her what was going on, and she explained.  She asked him to pray for her cousin.  “Of course, I will baby.” He said. 

1:22 a.m.

Kim looked at the clock on her phone, and she was amazed.  It had only been fifteen minutes, and it seemed like it had been hours.  She didn’t understand how so much could have happened in such a short period of time.  How so many lives were on the verge of being changed forever, in only fifteen minutes, 900 seconds.  She just couldn’t seem to understand any of this.  And it made her angry. 
She was still on the phone with Kory, and she was starting to lose it again.  She started screaming, and crying, and hyperventilating once again.  She put her fist through her bedroom wall.  “Kimberly!  Calm down!” Kory yelled at her through the phone.  “I can’t…I just…I can’t Kory…You don’t understand!” She managed to say to him between short breaths.  Kim heard someone come inside the house.  “Let me call you back.” She told Kory.
When she hung her phone up, she threw it to the bed and ran out into the living room.  Her mommy and daddy were coming in.  “What happened?” She asked them.  “They still haven’t been able to revive him.  They’re taking him to the hospital now.”  Lisa said as she and Joey rushed throughout the house trying to get what they needed, before they went to the hospital.  Joey ran to his nightstand on the right side of their bed, and pulled out a small angel in a mold, kind of like those souvenir scorpions that you see around Arizona at gift shops.  He also grabbed two small crosses.  He couldn’t go to the hospital without them.  He had them with him when his mother died, when his father died, and when his grandmother died.  But he wasn’t going to let his nephew die.  He couldn’t. 
Joey walked out of the bedroom and gave Kim a kiss and a hug, then Kayla.  “I love you guys.  We will call when we hear something.” He said as he and Lisa walked to the living room.  Kim and Kayla still stood in the hall.  When they heard the door close, Kim looked at Kayla and they both started crying again.  Kim wrapped her arms around her little sister.  “I have to call somebody.  I have to…I have to do something.” Kim walked back into her bedroom and picked up her phone.  She dialed the number of her friend, Adam.  And she cried harder, and harder, as she waited for him to answer.  Finally, he picked up.  “Did I wake you up?” She asked him.  “Not exactly.  What’s wrong?” He replied.  “It’s my cousin.”
Kim explained everything to Adam.  And he told her that Josh was going to be okay, because he had to be.  He said that God was going to take care of him.  Those words tapped into the last spark of hope that she had left.  And when she got off the phone, she was stronger, and she truly believed that everything was going to be okay.
She called Kory back and told him to go back to bed, and that she would call him with any news.  And for the next ten maybe fifteen minutes, she sat in her bedroom watching TV.  But not seeing a bit of what she was watching.  She was just so numb.  She was just starting to drift off to sleep again, when she heard someone coming in through the front door again. 
Kim and Kayla both ran out into the hall again.  Joey was walking in his bedroom taking his cell phone off the charger.  “What happened?  Where’s mommy?”  Kim asked.  “She’s still there.  I forgot my phone, so I came back.” Joey replied.  “No, what happened with Josh?” Kim insisted.  “They got his heart started again.” Joey told them.  “Oh thank God!” Kim hugged her sister.  “The nurse told us not to get our hopes up though.  They still don’t know if they will be able to keep it going.” Joey said with a little sadness in his voice.  He will be okay, this is a sign.  He will be fine.  Kim thought to herself.  It was almost as if she knew it.
“All of the other kids are there.  Do you guys want to go?” Joey asked his girls.  They told him yes, and got dressed.  “We have to pick Danelle and Melissa up.”  Joey said as they left the house.

1:56 a.m.
First, they picked Kim and Kayla’s aunt Danelle up at her house down the street.  Then Danelle gave them directions to Melissa’s friend’s house.  On the way to the hospital, Joey’s cell phone rang. “Hello?” He answered.  All Kim and the others heard was screaming and crying.  Joey hung up the phone.  “He’s gone.” He told everyone.  His voice was cracking.  He was trying not to cry in front of the others.  “What?!” Danelle asked as she burst into tears.  “They just pronounced him dead.” Joey replied.  “No.” Kim began to shake her head.  She started having a panic attack again.  She couldn’t breath.  She didn’t want to breathe anymore.
Kayla started sobbing.  And Melissa didn’t cry, or speak. She did nothing.  She felt as if she weren’t even there anymore.  “It’s a dream.” Kim said just loud enough that everyone else in the car could hear her.  “No.  It’s not a dream.” Joey told her.  Kim started shaking her head. She then buried her face in her hands. “It’s a dream.  It’s a dream.  It’s a dream.  It’s a dream.  Wake up Kim, wake up.  No.  It’s a bad bad dream.”  She said it over and over and again.  She lost it.  She really did believe that it was all just a really bad dream.  Why couldn’t it have been?  It was so late.  She had been falling asleep when her daddy came home and took them to the hospital.  She was just waiting for that phone call from him to wake her up and tell her that they were able to start Josh’s heart again, and that he is going to be fine.  Waiting for him to tell her and Kayla to get out of bed and get dressed so that they can go to the hospital with candy, and ‘get well soon’ balloons and cards and watch him get better. 
But none of that was going to happen.  Instead of going to the hospital, seeing her cousin, and saying “You gave us all a scare,” Kim and her family were going to the hospital to say “Rest In Peace.”

2:06 a.m.

When they got to the hospital, Kim hadn’t even noticed that the car had stopped.  They all got out of the car and walked up to the emergency room entrance.  Lisa was standing outside hugging Brandon, Josh’s older brother and best friend.  He was weeping and it tore Kim to pieces to see that.  She started hyperventilating again.  Panic attack number three.  She felt like she was spinning, and she hadn’t even noticed that Lisa had lowered her to the ground. 
When they walked inside, the room was filled with silent sobs.  Nancy, Joey’s sister, Cassie, Nancy’s cousin, Tony’s brother, John, his wife and three kids, and Tony’s parents were all in the waiting room.  They were all mourning.  There was so much pain in that room that it was unbearable. 
When Kim sat down, she sat across from Aaliyah, Josh’s six-year-old sister.  She was falling asleep on the chair.  She had no idea what was going on.  She was too young to understand.  For a moment, Kim wished that she could have been Aaliyah’s age again.  Just so that she wouldn’t have been able to understand what was going on.  So that she didn’t have to look around that room and see the pain in the entire family’s eyes. 
Joey walked into the hospital room to see in nephew’s lifeless body.  He had asked Kim if she wanted to go in there too.  But she just couldn’t.  It wasn’t him anymore.  He was gone. 

2:17 a.m.

Cheryl, Josh’s grieving mother, came out of the room where the body of her son lye, picked up and Aaliyah, and put her in her lap.  She looked into her daughters eyes and said, “Aaliyah, remember what mommy told you about Heaven and the angels?”  Aaliyah nodded.  “Well now, Josh is up in heaven with the angels.” Cheryl was holding back tears.  She had to be strong for her little girl.  “He’s there right now?” Aaliyah asked.  “Yeah.”  Cheryl nodded.  “I’m gonna miss him.” Aaliyah said innocently.  Cheryl looked into her daughter’s big eyes.  “I already do.”
What seemed to be days went by.  In reality, it was only about an hour.  People went in and out of hospital room to take one last look at what was such a lively, young promising child.  Melissa went into the room too.  When she came out, she still refused to cry, and she went into the bathroom.  Kim sat next to daddy, holding his hand.  While Kayla sat in his lap.  “It’s so late.” Cheryl said. “What are you-“  Joey was cut off by the sounds of screams.  “Is that Melissa?” Kayla asked.
Kim stood up and walked into the bathroom where Melissa sat on the floor crying.  Kim sat down next to her and pulled her in close.  She held her little cousin, of only fifteen years of age, while she wept.  “I don’t understand Kim.” Melissa managed to say between sobs.  “I know.  Me neither.” Kim replied.  “He was fine.  I saw him today, and he was fine.  He was laughing, and smiling, and now…I will never see him smile or laugh again.  Why?” Melissa practically screamed the words.  And all that Kim could say was, “I don’t know.”  She wished she did know though.  She was just as confused as Melissa was, if not more. 
Kim and Melissa were back in the waiting room.  Things were a little calmer now.  Kim decided to go outside to get some fresh air.  Joey followed.  They were both standing outside the entrance.  Joey reached into his pocket, and found the angel and crosses that he had brought with him.  “I should go put these away.” He said as he walked away. 

3:23 a.m.

Kim dug through her purse and pulled out her pack of Marlboro 100 Menthols.  She walked around the side of the hospital to where no one could see her.  She pulled a lighter out of her pocket and lit a cigarette.  She sat down against the wall, looked up at the sky, and began to pray.  I don’t understand.  Why is it that someone so useless as me, such a bad person, gets to live, and someone who lit up everyone’s life, is gone?  I prayed.  Adam prayed.  Kory prayed.  Kim was now sobbing, again.  And still, nothing.  I just want to know that someone is listening to me.  I just want to know that there is still hope. 
“Are you okay?” Kim looked to the right of her and a tall man, wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt was standing next to her.  He had come out of nowhere.  “I’m fine.” Kim told him.  “So I take it that you are family.” He told her.  “What?” Kim asked.  “The boy who died tonight, you are with the family right?” He asked. 
“Uhm…yeah.  Do you work here?”
“Kind of.  It’s more of volunteer work that I do.  They really like having me around.”
“It’s a little late to be volunteering.”
        The man chuckled.  “Emergencies happen at all hours of the night.”
Kim nodded.  “You got that right.”  The man sat down next to Kim.  “What are you doing over here all by yourself?” He inquired.  “Praying.” Kim smiled at him.  “I’m praying.  So that I can understand.”
“Understand what?”
“Why these things happen.  Why someone like me, who takes her life for granted every single day gets to live and he doesn’t.  People would be happier if I was in Hell where I belong, and he was here.”
“I don’t think that’s exactly true.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“Don’t I?  I see a lot of things, and a lot of people.  Every single day, I see people go through what you are going through.  And it’s always the same.  You don’t belong in Hell.  You belong here, taking care of your family.”
“Yeah, I’m really taking care of them.  I’m sitting outside, around the corner alone.  Because I can’t handle being around them.  There is so much pain.  And I can’t be around all of it.”
“Because it’s too much?  Because you can feel the pain when you walk into the room?”
“Yes.” Kim started crying again.  “I just wish that I could take away all of their hurt, their pain, their sorrow, their grief.  I wish I could take it away from his parents, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his cousins, his brother and his sister.  And I wish that I could keep it all to myself.  I wish that I could feel it instead of them.  I want them to feel better, and it’s never going to happen.  And I just want to know why!”
“It will go away.  And they will stop hurting.  But they need time.  You can’t take their pain away.  It’s part of life.  But it will get better.  And soon, they will be able to remember his life, not his death.  But it takes time.  And people, they die.  These things happen.  Only God knows the reason why.  And there is no way for anyone else to know.  That’s just the way it is.” 
        Kim buried her head in her hands again as she wept.  “You’re worried about him too aren’t you?” He asked her.  Kim nodded.  “You are afraid that he will miss his family and be lonely.” He said as Kim continued to nod.  “Well don’t be.  He’s with us now, and we are taking care of him.”
        Kim raised her head the second that she heard those words.  ”What do you mean w-“  But it was too late.  He was already gone.  She knew who he was…or at least what he was.  And she now understood that some one was listening to her.  She stood up and walked around the corner, and back into the hospital.  She saw he family sitting there, grieving, and she sat down in a chair to be strong for them.  Because she was stronger now, and she wanted to help them be stronger too.