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Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Fantasy · #1336554
God asks a Demon and an Angel to run tests on humans
"Hahaha, oh man, that one's priceless!" Watching the man on camera squirm and writhe about painfully from the mites, itching and scratching every surface of his body, screaming at the top of his lungs, made Azura really, really happy. This was the perfect job for him! Run tests on different human stimulae and how they reacted to it, take down the notes, ship 'em off to the "higher power". The only thing that limited his fun was his own creativity, and really, that wasn't much of a limit. He could think of a hundred, a thousand different ways to torture people in the blink of an eye. Azura couldn't care why God needed this information, but he could sure as hell understand why His Holiest of Evils didn't object to him being there. Torture a few hundred humans a day with the "Almighty's" consent? Hell yeah!

Of course, he wouldn't be allowed there alone; some tutty-fruity harp-player was always supposed to be there to watch him and change back his "mistakes". But not right now. Azura prided himself on his obnoxious attitude and ability to drive away any and all goodliness in his immediate vicinity. He was sure he could do it again.

Footsteps echoing down the hallway. 'Damn it,' he thought to himself. 'There goes my fun for the rest of the day. Wonder if I'll beat my fifteen minute record this time.' The door opened and in stepped a woman with her brown hair tied back in a tight bun and business-like clothes adorning her beautiful frame. 'A woman angel? Did He really send a woman angel?

'...Right on!'

"Good evening," she said, all high-and-proper like. "My name is Gabriel and I've come here to - OH MY GOD!" She had just turned to face the camera where the man, weeping for mercy in a corner of the room, was still hopelessly covered in mites. Azura grinned at her discomfort.

"How long has he been in there?!?" she screamed.

"Oh, I don't know, an hour or two, maybe more. Can't remember, honestly. That whole 'time flies' thing."

"Disgusting, vile beast,” she said, facing the monitor. She waved her hands in front of it and instantly the man fell asleep, the mites disappeared, and his wounds were healed. Gabriel turned back to him and said, "You were supposed to wait for me to arrive! A few hours are far too much for any mortal man. We'll be lucky if the experience hasn't driven him insane!"

"Well then, tell the Big Cheese how naughty I've been. I'm sure he'll be real surprised. Maybe he'll send me to Hell! Oh God, not that!" He laughed wildly at his own joke and Gabriel was left to stare at him in disdain.

"Just write your report on it, Demon," the word rolled off her tongue like ice, but it only made Azura smile more.

"As you command, you’re Holiness."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


“So, why does He want us to do this, anyway?” Azura asked after a few hours. Their next experiments were ready to be tested. They had sat in silence as Gabriel whirred away with her pen and Azura imagined more ways in which he could “obtain results” from his new patients; a room of about twenty people. He hadn’t tried to be much of a nuisance yet; in all honesty, he liked the way she looked and thought the silence – which she nearly insisted on – was a great change from the usual bitch and moan routine about how horrid and evil and vile he was. Perhaps he could learn to live with this one.

“Why would I tell you any of that, you ashen-footed Spawn of Satan?! It’s as much of your business as it is mine, cretin.”

Then again, perhaps not.

“No reason to be a bitch about it, I was just asking. God damn, your type are all the same.” he sighed. “Thought maybe having a girl around for once would be nice.”

“All you blasphemers think of is sex and scandal. Save your questions; I would prefer never to talk to you.”

“Then why the hell’d you come down here, huh? You knew what you’re getting into.”

“I said be silent!”

He turned his attention to the monitor. “Fine, then this batch is mine! I get to do anything I want with them!”

She began to disagree, but before she could say anything, the work had been done. Twenty faces shrewd themselves up in confusion and then in panic. The walls, floor, ceiling, chairs, and everything else that wasn’t human, turned instantly to brier. Men and women alike screamed in shock, tore at their former clothes until nude, and tried to crash through the walls; but the thorny plant was tightly woven and even when they picked it apart, there was just more behind it. When they realized this, they began to climb upon one another, desperately trying to get away from the itching, stinging plants. A few of the poor women on the bottom, crushed under the weight, passed out. Gabriel snapped her fingers and all was set back to normal, everyone asleep in their respective chairs.

“Horrible, horrible soul,” she cried, “retched thing; less than human! How can you take pleasure in such acts?”

“’I’d prefer never to talk to you!’ Bleh!” Azura stuck out his forked tongue at her.

“If it weren’t against His Word, if there was no other reason than because My Lord said not to, I would smite you this very moment! You are a contemptible, foul heathen! I cannot bear to be in your company.”

“Then leave already. Jesus. I was at least having fun before you showed up.”

She settled down and again took to her silence while Azura sat back in his chair, brooding. It was only after a few minutes that she spoke, and only to say one word, matter-of-factly:

“No.”

They finished the rest of that day without a word, Gabriel heading straight for bed, and Azura, straight for the bars, both trying to forget one thing: their dislike for each other.
© Copyright 2007 Raiza (Djourn) (fhunter at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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