Osama the Llama

Osama the Llama was a hearty soul
His hooves were worn, his eyes were cold
Day after day
He wandered the desert
Imposing his will
Applying the pressure
On infidel ponies, an American horse
Who's name is George
But of course, of course

George the Horse didn't like Osama
He hated his followers
He hated his mama
Despised his religion, his race and his land
Chased him relentlessly to Pakistan
George murdered his people and bombed his towns
Pillaging, plundering, just making his rounds
Took all their hay and their oats and their souls
Embarrassed the llamas and strung them from poles

Osama was furious, Osama was mad
He'd had enough of George and his dad
"I'll bomb those bastards, I'll make them pay
I'll knock down their stables and take back our hay"
So he gathered his followers
Tried, trusted and true
Gave words of encouragement for punishment due
The llamas united, held strength in numbers
The Llama Of Islam had awakened from slumber
"Destroy all the infidels!
Let's kill all we can
Then we'll retreat to our caves in the 'Stans"

September 11, 2000 and 10
The army of llamas were set to begin
They hijacked a buggy, a carriage and plow
They ravaged the mares, Apocalypse Now
Spared no foals, no foes, no one
Made a mockery of democracy, just for fun
"We'll bring down the west with their lust and their greed
Punishment due for their lies and deceit
No quarter given and no mercy shown
The horses will suffer
Far worse than they've known"
Osama orated as the llamas looked on
They thought him a hero
They thought him a God
His word was the gospel and always the truth
But deep in their hearts they felt something aloof

Back on the homefront George rallied the horses
Drafted the poor to add more to his forces
Enlisted the foals to become cannon fodder
All that he could, except for his daughters
"We'll fight those terrorists
Those llamas and camels
We'll bomb 'em and shoot 'em till we run out of ammo"
The horses applauded for their leader's strong words
Horses became sheep who were now lost in the herd

George sent his horses out on endless missions
Against his dark foes he had seen in his visions
He strangled their freedoms and took all their rights
And left parentless ponies alone in the night
Their brothers and children
Their cousins and moms
Mangled and spangled by bullets and bombs
Their economy ruined, a nation in debt
A quagmire of death, they were caught in a net
"But what of the terrorists and endless threats?
And where was Osama, how could we forget?"
Georged just mumbled and stuttered and cowered
"Who were these horses that question my power?"

"More bullets and bombs
Less stables and hay
Our nation won't rest till all llamas pay"
George's speech was less than inspiring
Deep in his bones he felt trouble conspiring
The horses were tired, exhausted by burden
Their leader's act over, time to close curtains
Thousands had died and millions were spent
KBR queried and money was sent
The horses squeezed further to pay for defense

"Where is Osama, oh where could he be?
We've been fighting for years in this land of the free
We've got a Zarqawi and a Hussein or three
But George won't you tell us where Osama could be?"

Osama just hid in his cave in the 'Stan
Watching George's blunders in Iraq and Iran
"Death to America and all fellow man
I'll send some more money to the Taliban."
Osama was ruthless and cunning and patient
Brought fear to the horses of Western nations
"Maybe I should show myself?
Maybe leave the cave?
Take a plane to Washington
And piss on Lincoln's grave
Maybe go to Texas
And rape George Bush's daughters
Knock down the Twin Stables
Then find some Jews to slaughter"

So Osama packed his bags and donned his saddle
Off in a fit like a pack of mad cattle
"Strap a bomb on my chest
Find a saber to rattle
I'll search high and low till I find that dumb asshole"
Determined and angry and off in a hurry
A llama so mad that his vision was blurry
He boarded the plane without saying his name
Boxcutter in pocket, he'll go down in flames
"I'll make them all suffer for sins that they've made
Supporters of Israel and fillers of graves
No veils on women, no morals, Koran
I'll kill George and family then it's back to the 'Stan"

Osama's plane landed at Crawford that morning
Then the doors opened with hardly a warning
"Osama Bin Llama we're the FBI
Just a few of George's great spies
You have the right to remain silent
The right to an attorney
I bet you wish you hadn't
Set about on this journey"
Osama glared back and just rolled his eyes
"I've finally been caught...and by the FBI"
He pulled out his boxcutter
Made a dash for the door
Took off his turbin and dropped down to the floor
"You might kill me
But you can't stop Islam
You can't stop the llamas
Not even with your napalm
There'll be others that are loyal
To the Koran and the turbin
That hate you stupid horses
Getting drunk off on your bourbon
So go ahead....make a martyr out of me
Show the Muslim world the ways of your democracy
Show the entire world the ways of your hypocrisy
You finally caught Osama
But I'll still always be free"
And with that Osama raised up his fist
Detonator in hand and a fuse on his wrist
The passengers all prayed and screamed out in terror
But it didn't matter
Their God wasn't there

The plane exploded in a ball of flames
A plume of smoke and a barrage of shrapnel
CNN broadcasted victims names
40 dead horses and a raghead camel
George the Horse addressed the nation
Too overjoyed to contain his elation
"Osama's dead!, Osama's gone!
Billions of dollars
Thousands of lives
A decade of war
But we won!, we won!"

The crowd was pleased with George's speech
They thought it finally over
There can now be peace
They can stop fighting llamas and start fighting disease
But then George the Horse continued on with his speech:
"Osama's gone but we're still not safe
From terrorists and dirty bombs and ragheads and rape
There's cats in Korea
Emus in Iran
Peacocks and turkeys in Afghanistan
We need more troops
More bullets and bombs
More oil, more money and more napalm
We'll stay in Iraq
Till the llamas give up
The camels beg for mercy
And say they've had enough
America will fight on
Cause that's what horses do
Impose our will, go for the kill
We've got nothing left to lose"

And with that the audience weeped and cried
Their dreams of peace had up and died
Just one more term
4 more years to pass
Then George the Horse is out on his ass
But at least for now they're free
From a little drama
Cause there's one less terrorist in the world
No more Osama the Llama