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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1355889-Insomnia-makes-us-all-nonsensical
Rated: 18+ · Other · Philosophy · #1355889
Disillusioned with materialism, adapting an existential outlook.
Can I contain the sinner in me?
The devil, as you say, keeps trying to come out in the open.
Exposing me; as I am. Uninhibited and free.
I’m forever in search for someone that can save me, a downward spiral towards belief in nothing. No gods, no devils or angels, hidden beneath pristine exteriors of empty humans walking the assembly line. I knock on death’s door for solace and he doesn’t answer. Doesn’t return my phone calls or e-mails. I walk with an over filled mind polluted with thoughts of anarchy and bedlam, mottle confusion affected with bipolarity. A chemical imbalance, they say.
My mind is full and my heart is empty, barely beating. Only being held together by a small thread of compassion
Running away never solves anything. It always returns from the shadows of nothing to fuck with your happy thoughts of them finally being away forever. I tried to fly but my wings were clipped and I was thrown into this cage. Spectators with masks covering the disfiguring ugliness of their true selves, they’re gawking and laughing at me. Laughing at my yearning to be free from myself. I look in the mirror and to my horror, my own face starts to disfigure, I’ve become one of them. A slave to the norm of worshiping pop culture, blind to the harsh realities of life by the comfort of government controlled television sets. Soon my own thoughts will disappear and I will no longer think for myself. I’ll see only the shadows of my surroundings. I’ll be a marionette in which god cuts the strings when he tires of fucking with me. He is the ultimate prankster, that god.
From a very young age we are all categorized, then sub-categorized into groups of people we believe are exactly like us. We will build a small army, only for fighting a social war against all who are different from us. The knowledge of what we do not know being the most frightening adversary, along with our fear of change. Not one inkling of individuality is evident with the new breed of society, for the fear of being devoured by the lions of unacceptance, and then picked apart by the vultures of permanent solitude. What a prison! What a fate to bestow upon ourselves!
My loneliness is an empty room covered in hard padding. I had thrown myself into a mad battle the ongoing war in my head. I have learned nothing as I finally lay on my deathbed. As I await deaths dance I am told I will live in purgatory forever. A vagabond refuge of simple ways to make life living a little easier.
These flashing lights show that I am truly crazy. My surroundings have been broken apart into an incoherent labyrinth that blocks an otherwise untainted path. Walking the tightrope, hands trying to pull at you from two different directions. Which side is best? Organized religion, following a pre-destined existence dripping with righteousness? Alternatively, the nihilistic hedonism, of where you find your own meaning to exist and end up nothing but dirt. Both sides very convincing, nothing more than mind numbing limericks chanting nonsense. You are then forced to create your own epiphany. Never mind which side you take. Everyone always ends up in the same place.
The willingness we have to being slaves, bound in chains of conformity. The conformity only brings the satisfaction when the ultimate master pats our heads and feeds us commands in a trough. The ultimate master we create out of ignorance and stupidity satisfying our need for masochism. We beg for our treats and lap from the tainted water in which rats’ bath and shit. From here on then, insanity can be the only inevitable fate; it’s consequences we all must deal with.
© Copyright 2007 Dr. Paige Marshall (danisux at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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