Lack of Color

Life is so boring. I feel dead. Everything means nothing. I don't get pleasure from anything. I keep trying to make myself busy, but this death always catches up. Maybe its waiting to escape this town. I feel like I'm suffocating. I need change. I can't seem to motivate myself to get out of bed. I somehow found to somewhat find joy in going to school. I always learned something. Some form of information, even if from a random source. Things have become mundane. I find myself thinking multiple times a day how much I hate school. How slow it is, how ugly the people are. I can't find anyone to talk to about this. Ben just agrees with everything I say, and I don't even know how to go about explaining things. I want school to be challenging. This isn't me flaunting that I have a light workload or something to that effect. Its not about how much homework I receive. Its all the same. Its all just a function. I want something worthwhile. I want something that shakes me.

Being in Lake Wales is equivalent to being on house arrest. I feel as if I were in limbo. I know this sounds incredibly cliche, but even the weather is bleak. Trees aren't green, they're grey. Everyone wears that tired tortured look. I'm itching so badly to do something. I can't sleep, I find myself not even thinking. Music doesn't have its same quality. Light doesn't even light up rooms. Food doesn't taste like anything, and smells are just awful. I beg to be awake again. Please tell me this madness ends. Its been months now, and I'm capsizing.