Chapter 4

Why do boyfriends always think they 'have' to control their girlfriends? It's like once we say yes, we will date them, and we become an object. Just another thing in their life to control. That's how David was to me. He was my 'controller'. Like when my parents first noticed I wasn't at the pizza and a movie night they told me I CAN'T go out with David on Fridays. I have to come. So I casually brought that up with David. He thought it was another man. Can you believe that? He got all defensive and just started to yell at me. I was scared. That was the first time I saw 'it' in David. I didn't like it. He would always ask me "But don't you love me anymore, Kel?". Like just because I can't spend every waking moment with him doesn't mean I don't love him anymore.

I was trapped. If I didn't show up to the pizza and a movie night my parents would ground me, if I didn't show up to go out on a date with David, he would just flip on me. I didn't know what to do. I had no one to turn to. My friends would pretend they cared, but they didn't really. Not even Jessica. Before David came along Jessica and I could talk about anything, or nothing and have the time of our lives. But after David came along, everyone treated me differently. I didn't know why. I didn't change. I was still the same old Kelly who they all grew up with.

So, here I was, 16 years old and my life was already starting to fall apart. My friends abandoned me, my parents just yelled at me, David controlled me, and the homework just kept pilling up, even my brother and sister weren't the same towards me. It's not like I grew an extra head. I guess when you are outgoing all your life, and you later become more to your self it's the same as growing an extra head, though.

One night I was in my room, on my bed doing 'homework'. Jason, my jock older brother decided to check on me and I was crying. I think he only did it for some praise from mom and dad. He was like that, you know? But it was someone to talk to. It wasn't much, but it was better than keeping it in. So I was spilling my guts to my 17 year old brother who would have rathered been at the dentist then to listen to me. But I couldn't stop. All this crap that I've been through, how I felt for the last month or so, all this stuff just kept pouring out of my mouth. Luckily no one else heard me in there crying my eyes out like a baby. It was kind of embarrassing. But I just needed to talk, and I felt a little better after that night, not a lot, but some.