Plenty More Fish in the Sea

Plenty More Fish in the Sea

The last thing one wants to hear when a relationship is over, but probably the sentence that is most often used.  It's right up there with, "they weren't good enough for you anyway" and "you're better of without them".  All wonderful confidence boosting statements, but are they really true?  If they're not true, where does that leave us? 

What if it's your fault the relationship is over, or you were the one who wasn't really good enough?  Is this something we can ever admit to or do we keep telling ourselves that because we are hurting we are the injured party?  Does this make us the better person?

For example, a friend of mine was recently seeing a guy who at first she wasn't overly keen on, but he made her laugh and was fun to be around.  It wasn't supposed to be anything serious or long term, just a bit of fun.  This was something they had both discussed and completely agreed on.  It would never work out between them in the future, but for now, it was all good.  Unfortunately, you're heart can be a royal pain in the arse sometimes and four months into this ‘short term fun', my friend fell in love with this guy.  How unfair is that?  She didn't even like him at first, he was the one who did all the chasing and just like that (Tommy Cooper style) the tables not only turned, they did back flips and somersaults all across the room. 

I'd like to be able to tell you that she told him how she felt, he felt the same way and they are now living that happily ever after kind of lifestyle.  Oh please, this is real life.  She didn't get the chance to tell him, he bolted before she could!  One day he was there and the next he was gone.  My poor friend was heartbroken to say the least.  There was no call, no text, and no letter.  She was going to file a missing persons report, but thought that was taking it a bit too far.  It's okay, he didn't die or anything, she saw him a few weeks later with his new girlfriend.  That's when the anger kicked in.

After the hurt and pain subsides a little, we get to the angry stage.  This is the best part.  This is where we get to vent all the pent up feelings and remember every little thing that went wrong, every little argument, every bad word exchanged.  Very healthy in the healing process, or so we're told.

Did my friend have the right to feel hurt, angry and betrayed though?  The agreement was made at the beginning and she was the one who was struck down by those big old scary love feelings.  So effectively, she was the one who broke the agreement, not the guy who did a runner. 

It's a lot easier to be judgemental when you're on the outside looking in, but when it comes to our own relationships and break ups, our vision is distorted and we start to lose track of reality.  Are we to trust our friends who, lets be honest, are more than likely going to be on our side?  Or do we just dust ourselves off, stop analysing all that was good or bad and just move on?

I don't know the answer to these questions and I'm sure a lot of people out there have very different opinions.  Having recently been hurt myself I think the best decision for me personally is just to grab a rod and get fishing!  I might catch a few small, meaningless ones, but then I may be lucky and catch a real keeper! 

Hmmmm......should I be changing my bait though?