Maybe the Last

I remember standing at that chainlink fence, staring at you as you boarded that plane. You looked back at me and blew me a kiss. I blew one back as tears swelled in my eyes.

You were my best friend. How I loved you.

I went home that evening and sat alone in our huge apartment. So much room for one person. How was I going to make it through the night?

The vision of you boarding the plane ran over and over in my head. There were so many things I had to tell you. I thought it would be a good idea not to tell you yet, just in case, but I was pregnant. I was gonna suprise you when you got home.

Watching you board that plane to go off to Iraq was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Do you remember all the times I tried to talk you out of it? Finally after the millionth time I gave up. You were gonna go wether I liked it or not. Why were you so headstrong? Why couldn't you listen to me?

That night I opened my dresser drawer to find a note. It said my name, MARISSA, in bold letters with hearts around it. I opened the letter eagerly. It was from you.

"Marissa," it read, " You will never understand how much I love you. We may be thousands of miles away from each other but I'll never stop thinking about you. You know, this might be the last love letter I get to write you. If it is and die in the line of duty, I want you to write a letter and tie it to a yellow balloon, you know my favorite color, and send it into heaven. Promise? Well, if I don't get to see yo again I wanted to say, I love you."

I've slept with that note every night since you've left. Every morning I get up and the first thing I do is read the note and I night before I go to sleep I read it, hoping I'll dream of you in my dreams.

Now, I sit here again alone and empty. Writing the note you told me to. Yes, I kept my promise. When I'm done, I'll go outside and tie this very note to a round, yellow balloon, your favorite color, and I'll let it go in our spot. You know, the large maple tree at the park.

That's where we first met and that's where I'm going to say goodbye to my best friend, my crush since third grade, the man who said he wanted to be with me and have kids. That man won't get to see that beautiful baby that we created. The man who told me someday we were going to tour the world. That never happened because we were too poor and too busy. We never got to do those things but it's ok. Sometimes people don't get to do things they want to do.

Last of all, I wanted to say. I love you and you'll be missed greatly.


I folded the yellow sheet of paper and stuck it in a lighter yellow envelope. In black ink I wrote on the front his name, Josh. A grabbed the yellow balloon that I had tied to the arm of the chair and walked outside. With envelope and letter in hand, I walked the three blocks to the park. Our tree was located in the middle of the park.

Solemnly I walked that long path that we had walked together so many times before. It hurt so bad to remember the conversations we'd had on this very path. I wiped the tears off my face as i tightly lied the letter to the end of the balloon string. As I let go of the balloon, I felt a little foot kick inside of me.
"Say bye to daddy," I whispered to my unborn baby that was kicking inside of me. Even though my dearest love had died, a small piece of him was still here on Earth.
I turned to the tree. There on the trunk of that old tree,a tree that had been witness to many of the romantic times Josh and I had spent together, our initials were writtin clearly:
M.S. + J.D.
4-ever