Can't Live With Your Memory

How could you do this to me? How could you just leave me here? How could you just leave without telling me that you were never coming back? Why? You’re so selfish! Do you even think about how much pain you’re putting me through? I doubt it! Why would you? You’re gone now. You have no worries, no cares. Hell it’s not like you cared when you were still here anyway! You were off running around doing what you wanted while I was home alone, looking after myself! How could you do that? Did you even stop to think about how I felt? You’re so heartless! Thoughtless! Self-centered! I hate you! You were a waste of my life, and apparently I was a waste of yours. I wish you were here so I could tell you this to your face! You might as well have taken me with you. You left me here with nothing. Nothing but sorrow and pain. How could you hurt me like this and never stop to think about it? I thought you loved me. I thought you cared. But I was wrong. After everything I did for you I get this in return. How did you expect me to react? How was I supposed to know that I would just get a call telling me what happened? What you did? Or did you plan that too? Your life was a lie. You lied to me and everyone else who cares. Who cared. And this is what you left us. A letter and a photograph that might as well be blank! This is all your fault!

(quietly sobs)

Wait. Maybe it’s my fault? Maybe this happened because of me? Maybe I was the one being thoughtless and self-centered? I’m blaming you for the pain I’m feeling and I’m not thinking about you. Maybe I wasn’t there for you? Maybe I pushed you too far? Maybe I was the cause of what you did? How could I have been so blind? You were trying to tell me how you felt and I just blew it off like nothing because I didn’t care about you. I cared about me, and only me. It is my fault! I should have listened to what you had to say. I was all you have and I treated you like shit! No wonder you felt alone. I could have prevented this and instead I just le t you go. I let it happen. I should have stopped you. I’m a failure. I’m a failure to you and to myself. It should have been me instead of you. It should be me gone. I should go. Not you. Why you? Couldn’t there have been another time? It’s not right. I have to make it right.

(slowly writes a letter which she leaves on the counter)

I might be wrong for doing this but I have to. I can’t live with this anymore. It’s too late.

(says out loud)

I’ll see you soon. I love you Mom. I’m sorry.