Fear

There's a fear that surrounds all of us. I do not know what that fear is, but it is there. Surrounding us. And in our haste, our ignorance or maybe just plain pretensiousness we pretend it doesn't exist. That this fear doesn't enslave us in it full unglorified beauty.
Maybe we fear fear itself, I do not know. I don't particularly want to know even. But the bottom line is that each of us are far too scared to talk about this fear that every so often we realise is around us, that we can not fight of. We can't join together as a unit and rid of this fear. This raging destruction.
As I am writing this I think I am begining to grasp more of an idea about what fear is. We fear eachother, we fear sharing our experiences, talking about our past, our feelings.
Take suicide for example, no-one at ever talks about it, not in a real sense anyway. You get organisations like the samaratons and childline telling you things like; 'there has been an increase in suicide' or this amount of people have phoned us up with suicidal thoughts compared to this number last year.
But that isn't real. That's numbers, figures. Nothing but a load of maths when you think about it.
The real element of suicide is pushed to one side and ignored. For example is it worse if someone attempting to kill themselves succeeds or fails? That question isn't just in context to the person, its their family and friends as well. Their brothers, sisters, mums, dads, uncles, aunties, sons and daughters. Every family member and every friend.
Is it easier to cope when someone dies, or when you fear that they might commit suicide?
Then there are questions like 'what do you do after someone has attempted suicide? How do you cope, what do you say, who can you talk to about it?' So many ignored questions that so many of us need the answer too.
But our fear of sharing the true extent of our painful experiences gets in our way of being able to do that. We don't want anyone to look down on us, to pity us. We are afraid of other people's reactions so we daren't talk about anything that may enslave us in this fear, not even to our own famlies.
It isn't just suicide that has this effect, its domestic violence, bullying, mugging, burgulary, rape, prostitution. Every single bad experience one can have is shoved away, ignored. Made almost non-existent by our inability to talk to others.
Only it does exist doesn't it?! You can get teenage prostitutes. Domestic violence, muggings and rape do happen. Every single day it happens. And every single day our fear stops us from being able to admit that these things happen.
Or maybe it is that other people talk about these things, and it is my fear alone that stops me from being able to hear them.
Maybe in reality it is I alone who fears talking about my past, my bad experiences. And every individual has their own seperate fear surrounding them.
I guess no-one will ever know. It doesn't matter how much I think about it, there will never be an answer. But there will always be fear.

*Authors note- this was written after my twin sister had taken an overdose, she was planning to take her own life but something made her change her mind. Myself and the rest of my family all saw the signs. We would often find her collection of pills and throw them out and she would just start collecting again. Not once did any of us talk about it. Not even when she was in the hospital. So yes, that is the insperation behind this peace of work